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Smart lady you are. We had a caregiver that mom didn't like and we said too bad. The woman hung in there, and now mom considers her family!! This is not an easy job we do, but you should be commended for taking care of your MIL. I never would have been able to do it. Good for you.
Linda
I was not sure I could deal with it, she was telling our son bad things about me, ranting to my husband about me when ever I walked out of a room. I did a lot of research and found a few things that helped. we put a rocking chair in front of her window, bought her a tv. (rocking helps sooth elderly patients) We started giving her time alone away from the commotion of everyday life, and she improved. We also stopped engaging her, when she would start we tell her that we will talk about it in a little bit and walk away. She never remembers when we come back in.
We tried hiring pt people and people to help her bathe, but no one would work with her because of her aggression towards me. which is funny because she always did what they said, she just cussed me the entire time. I would ask them when we interviewed them not to speak to me under any circumstances because it upsets her and every time they would. Even when I would go off away from them they would hunt me down. It was hard having everyone hear bad things about me, it hurt because I am the only on that has been here for her in the last 2 years.
We have had some of the best stress relief laughing about some of the things that go on here, it makes it easier to get thru each day. I also took a vacation spur of the moment to Hawaii and every time I think I cant go on I close my eyes and see the beach. I hope things get easier for you.
helpful things to try.
1) schedule is important. sane thing every day even tho they don't remember doing them they kind of do
2) giving them time alone away from everything calms them
3)rocking chair or glider helps calm nerves
4) never engage them when they are upset
5) always greet them with a positive tone, even when you are frustrated
6) compliment them
7) try to focus their attention to something else
8) give them a project they can handle, like folding laundry
9) when instructing them to do something be positive, don't point out something they are doing wrong
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Linda
I'm going to my support group, now...
We had to deal with catastrophic reactions and angry outbursts with my Dad. Abrupt emotionally charged explosions happen often with my Mom. It puts me on edge, but the more I learn about dementia, Alzheimer's and Personality Disorders, the more it helps me understand and deal with THEIR problem.
For my own emotions, dealing with their dement, I read literature corresponding to their diagnosis, and I attend Support Groups, which helps a great deal. Just knowing we're not alone, and our loved ones aren't necessarily attacking us personally, helps me cope with the ugly reality of the situation, which can sometimes seem confusing.
Lovingdaughter and Mimis made some great suggestions, and a Geriatric Assessment sounds like the logical way to go at this point. By all means, take care of you, too! :)
At some point, I realized, the tables have turned and it's time
she realizes that. When she would begin to get abusive, I would
tell her, "Not acceptable behavior." and turn my back and walk out. When something needed to be done in some way, I laid down the law that it would be done my way. I wouldn't get angry, just keep insisting that this is the way it was going to be... period.
It may sound harsh, but I had to stop the abusive behavior
and tantrums, and the only way to do that was not to let her
get what she wanted -- mainly, a reaction or her way. It will
begin to fade, then it will rear it's ugly head again (stay firm),
then it will stop. I train dogs, and use the same tried and true
methods with them.
You don't say if you moved in with her or just visit. If you have
the financial option, you might want to check out Assisted Living
facilities and see if that's possible. As one friend told me, "What
price tag do you want to put on your life?"
Best wishes,
Joanne
Mimi
Linda
Linda
Can you move out?