Who gets mom's house after she passes?

It's your moms house and she can will it to whoever she wants to.
And who knows what the future holds anyway. Your mom may very well need to sell her home and the proceeds go to pay for her long term care, so just ignore your selfish siblings and get on with living and enjoying your life.
It always amazes me how greed can tear families apart. Very sad.

Jessy, that is very sweet of you to understand that your one sister needs the house the most.

Id be the same way, but I agree with funky grandma, if your mom is in moderate health, you have no clue the future, how long your moms moderate health will continue and how much care she is going to need in the future.

Best to not even consider it at this point. If your sister is willed the house, your other siblings may push all the caregiving on to her, and your sister has enough going on without that stress.

Best of luck to you.

I agree that your Mom can do whatever she wishes with her house, but your Mom should ponder the following while making a decision:

When you own a home you never stop spending money on it. If your apartment sister inherits the house, can she afford to pay the property taxes, insurance, utilities, maintenance, and surprise repair costs? It doesn't really sound like it, especially while trying to raise 2 minor children and with a deadbeat ex. Also, where I live we have to shovel our driveway all winter long, and mow every week in the summer. Is this sister even a good money manager? Is she still unemployed?

I was raised by a single parent working Mom, but we had the "luxury" of also having her 2 sisters (who also worked full-time) live with us. Even then, our house was a lot of work and my 3 "Mothers" scrimped and saved to afford what we had.

My son bought an older home. Within the first few months the AC needed to be replaced for several hundreds of dollars. Then within the first 2 years he had a $3K plumbing debacle. Large trees fell over in the yard from storms (the cost of removal not covered by insurance). And there are still other appliances in the queue to fail sooner rather than later. We refer to his house as The Money Pit.

Maybe Mom's house should be sold and the money split so that apartment sister can maybe afford to rent a nicer place in a good school district and without the extra (and stressful!) homeowner headaches? Your Mom needs to look at the entire future picture for her apartment daughter, and not just her present circumstances.

It is your mother’s house to do what she wants with it . The other siblings are out of line .

However, I also had the thought that since the house “ needs a lot of work “, how is apartment sis going to manage fixing things ? It may be too expensive for sis to maintain . If sis gets the house maybe she should sell it and like already said use the money to rent a bigger apt while the kids still live with her .

It’s mute anyway as others said , if Mom needs to sell it for her care .

Who gets the house?
Whomever your mother puts in the will gets the house.
It is ONLY and SOLELY up to your mother and she should do this at once.
She owes no explanations to other siblings about her choice. It would however be very good if she tells her reasoning in the body of the will itself so that other siblings cannot make trouble after her death.

I don't care, nor will any court or anyone else WHAT the siblings think or say.
Your mother should do exactly and precisely whatever she wants to do and she should NOT be discussing it and putting it out there for argument.

As to your other siblings no longer being on speaking terms with you, I think you are very lucky that their selfish backsides are off your sofa.

If your mom does this, please be advised that she needs to name each of her heirs and state she is specifically leaving them nothing or name what she is leaving them. If that doesn't happen, it leaves a door open for them to contest the will.

We state in our wills that any beneficiary that contests our decisions for OUR money gets nothing. Hopefully, it will stop the carnivorous behavior that both our families have concerning money. If not, they will spend lots of money and lose anything they would have received.

Inheritance is a gift, not a right, I pray for your family that they can get over the idea that they are loved less or whatever their ideas are regarding getting their "share" of moms estate.

My brother was left the house, me and other brother would get whatever money Mom had. Well, the money went for her care and the house had a tax and Medicaid lean on it so brother had it put back into the estate. It sold for pennies but enough to pay off leans. We each got about 3k ea. So if sister finds she cannot afford a house, then it can revert back to the estate.

Has Mom talked to sister about leaving her the house, she may not want that burden.

Fighting over a will that's not written yet, by a woman who's still alive! What could be worse than abandoning a close sibling relationship over the prospect of who gets a dilapidated old house that's more of a money pit than anything else?

These decisions are up to your mother and should not even be discussed with her children. Obviously.

Leave it up to MOM and stay out of the chaos. Tell your siblings that very thing and then let the chips fall where they may.

A Will is private. No one should know whats in it until Probate. My girls are aware they are beneficiaries but not to how much. I read one time...by telling people who is in the Will before you die you run into the problem of them being mad at you. So u don't tell them, and they are mad after your gone.

I am a bit more sympathetic to the siblings, because situations change. Sis needs help now, but her children may leave home and go to good jobs, Sis may marry again and be quite well off, years before the will comes into effect. In the meantime, disaster may ruin your own comfortable financial situation. More flexible arrangements might be better, and a lawyer can help suggest them to M. For example, a low-rent lease until the youngest child is 21? That gives time to recover from current disasters.

Are you kidding? You are obviously right! Your two siblings are wrong! Sibling rivalry is alive and well! Being selfish is quite normal. We all have it! But your intelligence and just plain common sense stands out as you stand out. Be proud of #1! You!
Having said all that, your sister and her two children need help. Her children are innocent and being in their own home is enormous for their future. Support her and keep your integrity. If your other siblings are worthy, they will eventually accept their mother's decision. Understand that their mother loves them just the same. All of you are loved by your mother. Respecting your mother's decision is not essential. (If your siblings are disrespectful.) They must face mirrors on a daily basis. Eventually they will not like what they see once they understand their childlike actions! Love, Al

Whomever she designated in her will or trust or other directive would get the house.
If she was remiss in making any arrangement then I guess whoever can grab the keys.
HOW idiotic can people be BEFORE they get that old???/

I agree with you. It's your Mom's house to with as she wishes! If she is of sound mind still with no cognitive disorders like dementia, I do hope she puts the home in a Trust so your sister doesn't have to wait years through probate to take ownership! The siblings will probably argue the case or try to take her to court, so the exact wording needs to be put into the Trust that if anyone disagrees or tries to take her to court is not allowed. The Trust attorney can give you the proper language for your area. Good Luck - I hope your siblings come around someday - if not, move on with your life. This happens a lot in families - unfortunately. :(

What a treasure you are to your mother and sister! It’s often greed that brings distrust and lack of empathy to family dynamics. I’m in a similar situation myself. My husband and I live apart (different states) so I can take care of my again mother. I’ve taken total care of Mom for almost eight years now. My other surviving siblings claim illness (despite many big personal vacations) or part time work as an excuse to not help at all. So Mom knew my husband I I moved a lot in his work and had not bought a home yet because waiting to retire. She asked me for several years after living with her if I wanted the home. I turned her down four times. After I needed help to watch her 36 hours so we could move and one wouldn't help and the other one said “ Not my problem.” I accepted my Mom’s offer. I knew they were accepting of me being an unpaid caretaker so they would get more money when she passed. So Mom went to her lawyer to draw a new will (all her idea) during the pandemic. Instead of putting the house in the will—I was placed on her deed. Immediately upon my mother’s passing the home is mine. No probate needed. Both surviving siblings know and only one is upset about getting money from the sale. Just a note—my husband I have invested our own money in utilities, food, medical care, home improvements, home maintenance, and every day expenses while taking care of mom who is still alive today at almost 91!!

if there is no mortgage—add her to the deed. Simple, but check with a legal expert to ensure your state has right of survivorship. Good luck and hope she finds a loving home to ensure her children’s stability.

Unfortunately greed even In Family is a regular occurrence
me me and I - state of our poor world!
maybe find out value and costs selling and see what’s left and split in ratio needed
and offer the other greedy siblings a small donation
it’s seen as favouritism but your mothers being a mother looking after who needs a helping hand more
I guess the lesson here is don’t share private conversations to anyone else
especially contentious ones
that said now that it’s happened
you were entitled to your own opinion
and if your siblings feel offended by that -that really is their problem
they’re prob living beyond their means and looking forward to money to pay debts or buy more stuff usually
maybe a small offering to them but it’s your mothers call and if she feels one sibling needs more help than the others then as a mother that’s her decision
as you say if she’s the one struggling
maybe a smaller donation to the others
or ask them what they think is fair as one of the family is suffering and not living in the standard as everyone else
gives them the choice to be reasonable or go their own way
either way don’t be blackmailed or feel bad about expressing your view. You are entitled to your view. If your mother didn’t ask the rest for their view there is prob. A good reason why!
good luck

If mom on her own wants to do this, then it’s her right to do this. If mom wanted to leave her Estate to her dog and the Humane Society she could do it. Her house; her decision & family can pound sand. And she would do a Codicil to her existing Will to do this.

Not an attorney but personally I would never ever do this as a DIY, but meet with an Estate and Elder Law attorney to see what options look like in her State. Your mom sounds that she is very competent and cognitive so doing this not an issue. She needs an atty to deal with this as it involves minors as beneficiaries and that is really State specific as to what has to be taken into consideration.
Could be that for your State what might be away to do this with less post death blowback is to:
- update will via a Codicil. Mom meets with atty to discuss although you as her POA can drive her to the meeting. Atty has witnesses and notary so all is 100% legal without your involvement. Atty keep old will and the new codicil.
- codicil names you as Executor for probate.
- in the Codicil, house is to be placed into a Testamentary Trust with the two minors as the beneficiary of the TT. Usually a minor cannot outright inherit stuff so a TT does this as an after death process in probating her will. Their mom would be the Trustee with the power to sell property if need be for the best interest for the beneficiaries (her kids). & this way technically Sissy not inheriting the house, should a sibling ask…

As an aside…. Mom might should consider having all her bank accounts done to be POD or TOD to you as you will be her Executor and the $ in her accounts upon her death goes to you then you can use $ to pay for funeral and costs on her house till it finally goes out of probate.

Back to inheriting that house, State law matters as this involves “minors”. Maybe for your State that Testamentary may not the way to go but mom could do a Lady Bird Deed and name Sissy's kids as heirs; or your State allows for a usufruct and that’s done (mine does and used often for 2nd / 3rd marriages spouses to continue to use property to be inherited by kids from marriage #1). Or the best plan could be she moves the house title right now out of her name into an irrevocable Trust with Sissys kids as beneficiaries w/you and Sissy as Trustees and fingers crossed she does not need a NH and has to file for LTC Medicaid to pay for her care costs till 2029. Not a DIY.

Even if you do none of this, I’d really HIGHLY suggest that mom spend $ to get house inspected and then appraised. Should be under 1K for the duo and the appraiser can use the inspection report to develop their own report. Both done by licensed and registered professionals (not Realtor provided comps on value). So there are 2 valid legal legit reports on her house and why it is that lower value. Siblings (and their spouses) that are already carping about inheritance when mom even isn't on her deathbed are going to be all in your face that the house is worth way way waaaaaay more. Having that inspection and appraisal shuts done that bs nonsense.

Good luck and let us know what happens as we all do learn from each other’s experiences.

jassysodhi: The will should not be up for discussion when the person is still living.

It's entirely up to the person making the will. However, in your mum's shoes, I would consider whether a run down house could be a millstone around my daughter's neck. So, I would make sure that she doesn't feel obliged to keep the property if it needs too much work.
Having said that, my gut feeling would be to share the proceeds of the property between all my children (to avoid arguments) and try and help my struggling daughter now.

your mother has the final and only say how her estate is divided. It is not always fair. But she should get legal advice how to word the will if she plans on cutting out sons and daughters. My father-in-law cut out my wife from his will and left is entire 3mil estate to my wife’s sister. Left my wife $100. Life is not fair when it comes to family.

It is mom’s decision to make. The problem is actions have consequences. The point the apt sis might not be able to afford the upkeep was valid. While her intentions are good it does send a message cutting her other children out of the will. Another made a point that situations change and one of the cut off children could have a greater need when the time comes. I wouldn’t cut out a child unless they had borrowed too much while the parent was alive or they were estranged.

If mom is of sound mind, she can do whatever she wants. Get her an appointment with lawyer to change her will.

It seems that the problem may be that your mother asked your opinion but not the other siblings and so they are peeved that you got asked first. They are out of line here and need to get over themselves. First of, your mother does not need anyone’s opinion to do this if that is what she wants to do. She has good reasons for wanting to help her other daughter and her grandkids - but she doesn’t need approval from anyone. If she wants opinions from all of her children she can ask, but in the end the decision is hers. It is not your fault that she asked for your opinion first and you did not need to consult with the others before giving it. My parents own a nice house. My mother had to move in with me. My dad needs to go to AL. My younger brother has been taking care of my dad and has no house of his own. While my dad is in AL (if he goes) my younger brother will take care of the house and pay the bills. When my parents pass, my older brother and I agree that he can have the house. We may do something legally so that we all have interest in it too, but we are fine with him getting use of it. Whatever your mother decides to do, she absolutely should talk to an attorney to get things set up correctly while she has capacity.

I didn't read concern about keeping the house after your Mom passes. Sadly, I have seen property lost due to unpaid taxes. The recommendation to have your Mom speak with an attorney is important and during that meeting discuss planning for ongoing expenses such as utilities, taxes, insurance and repairs.

I think your life is what you make it. It is called personal responsibility for the choices you make. You choose who you marry, to have children, to get an education, get a good job. Therefore, split the estate equally among the siblings and everyone will be treated fairly that way. And everyone will feel equally valued by their mother, in this case, which I think is paramount. If desired, siblings can help each other if they so choose.

Find her will or quickly get one. Otherwise they may have to talk with you and attorneys are expensive. It's your mother's house. She probably wants your sister to live there rather than a stranger. My mother doesn't want to give away her belongings.

First off, can your sister afford to fix the house up or would it continue to deteriorate leaving her in worse shape than she's in. Sometimes giving someone a house is giving them bigger problems than they can deal with. Upkeep, yard work, ongoing repairs, house insurance/taxes that she does not pay while in an apartment. You might want to talk to mom about the costs this daughter may not be able to afford. (Apts are great for those who want others to keep up repairs, replace appliances, no taxes or cost of homeowners insurance).

I agree, it's mom's house to do with what she wants, however what I mentioned above may be a discussion to have with mom. On the other hand, if mom starts rethinking her decision due to split among the sibs, house could still be sold and divided as with original plan. Sister would get her cut and you could give yours to her as well and perhaps help her get into condo or similar property that is in better location...or give her good down payment on a home IF her income would be enough to make ongoing payments. Then the selfish sibs could do what they want with their cut. No matter what, they have shown their colors in regard to helping out the one sibling that could use some help --- not everyone in a family rises to the same financial level. Sometimes through their own doing and sometime due to series of unavoidable circumstances. Helping or not helping your own sibling says a lot, but you can't change their mindset. More than likely the sibling relationships have already been damaged.

I don't really think there is any real basis for the often-held belief that assets should be split evenly among the children. It is often considered something that is "fair" on some level. However, nothing is ever equal in families, especially among grown siblings. Something that I would consider in judging "fairness" would be a question of who has done the most for the aging parents. I would also think that "fairness" does, in fact, call into consideration who NEEDS the assets the most, who would best preserve the legacy, and whether there is really anything worth arguing over. I have seen families tear themselves apart over an estate that topped out at less than $1,000 per kid after the bills were paid. What a waste!

If the house is in poor shape it may be best for all concerned to sell it. How the money is divided may become unimportant when you find out just how much money that is.

In my own family, we had some disagreements that divided us sisters after my mother passed. We each inherited about $1500. It took 2 years for the bad feelings to pass and to begin talking again. I would gladly have foregone the money, which I didn't need, and kept the relationships with my sisters. I hope you and your sibs can become friends again. A sense of family is worth far more than a few thousand dollars.

I’m sorry. Clearly they are putting money before your relationship which is all too familiar to me.

My siblings and I have severed all ties, mostly because of accusations that I am stealing my mom’s money. She has very little and I make a very good living. Her money is spent exclusively for her but they suspect me so that’s all the facts they need to accuse. The funny thing is, until she moved in with me and then into full time memory care, she constantly had to worry about $, mostly due to their lifestyles but not once since Oct 15, 22 has she had to worry about it, and she has everything she needs. They don’t ask me how she is doing, but they sure ask about her money. As her POA, I don’t feel that it is any of their business. She didn’t let them know her business before so why would I do so now?

I hope your siblings come back to their senses but if they don’t, you are probably better off if this is what they take a stand on.

You are absolutely right that it is your mother’s house to do with as she sees fit, hopefully you can set it up legally to abide by her wishes. Could you do a ladybird deed?

Mom should be able to change her will as she wishes.
Nobody should interfere with wills.

If Mom passes without having a will or changing her will state law would dictate the division of the property and the division of the cash/investments.

Generally with 3 children it would be divided between the three children equally by state law.

This is given that Mom does not have a spouse still alive.