Who gets mom's house after she passes?

It's your moms house and she can will it to whoever she wants to.
And who knows what the future holds anyway. Your mom may very well need to sell her home and the proceeds go to pay for her long term care, so just ignore your selfish siblings and get on with living and enjoying your life.
It always amazes me how greed can tear families apart. Very sad.

I agree that your Mom can do whatever she wishes with her house, but your Mom should ponder the following while making a decision:

When you own a home you never stop spending money on it. If your apartment sister inherits the house, can she afford to pay the property taxes, insurance, utilities, maintenance, and surprise repair costs? It doesn't really sound like it, especially while trying to raise 2 minor children and with a deadbeat ex. Also, where I live we have to shovel our driveway all winter long, and mow every week in the summer. Is this sister even a good money manager? Is she still unemployed?

I was raised by a single parent working Mom, but we had the "luxury" of also having her 2 sisters (who also worked full-time) live with us. Even then, our house was a lot of work and my 3 "Mothers" scrimped and saved to afford what we had.

My son bought an older home. Within the first few months the AC needed to be replaced for several hundreds of dollars. Then within the first 2 years he had a $3K plumbing debacle. Large trees fell over in the yard from storms (the cost of removal not covered by insurance). And there are still other appliances in the queue to fail sooner rather than later. We refer to his house as The Money Pit.

Maybe Mom's house should be sold and the money split so that apartment sister can maybe afford to rent a nicer place in a good school district and without the extra (and stressful!) homeowner headaches? Your Mom needs to look at the entire future picture for her apartment daughter, and not just her present circumstances.

Who gets the house?
Whomever your mother puts in the will gets the house.
It is ONLY and SOLELY up to your mother and she should do this at once.
She owes no explanations to other siblings about her choice. It would however be very good if she tells her reasoning in the body of the will itself so that other siblings cannot make trouble after her death.

I don't care, nor will any court or anyone else WHAT the siblings think or say.
Your mother should do exactly and precisely whatever she wants to do and she should NOT be discussing it and putting it out there for argument.

As to your other siblings no longer being on speaking terms with you, I think you are very lucky that their selfish backsides are off your sofa.

I am a bit more sympathetic to the siblings, because situations change. Sis needs help now, but her children may leave home and go to good jobs, Sis may marry again and be quite well off, years before the will comes into effect. In the meantime, disaster may ruin your own comfortable financial situation. More flexible arrangements might be better, and a lawyer can help suggest them to M. For example, a low-rent lease until the youngest child is 21? That gives time to recover from current disasters.

I don't really think there is any real basis for the often-held belief that assets should be split evenly among the children. It is often considered something that is "fair" on some level. However, nothing is ever equal in families, especially among grown siblings. Something that I would consider in judging "fairness" would be a question of who has done the most for the aging parents. I would also think that "fairness" does, in fact, call into consideration who NEEDS the assets the most, who would best preserve the legacy, and whether there is really anything worth arguing over. I have seen families tear themselves apart over an estate that topped out at less than $1,000 per kid after the bills were paid. What a waste!

If the house is in poor shape it may be best for all concerned to sell it. How the money is divided may become unimportant when you find out just how much money that is.

In my own family, we had some disagreements that divided us sisters after my mother passed. We each inherited about $1500. It took 2 years for the bad feelings to pass and to begin talking again. I would gladly have foregone the money, which I didn't need, and kept the relationships with my sisters. I hope you and your sibs can become friends again. A sense of family is worth far more than a few thousand dollars.

If your mom does this, please be advised that she needs to name each of her heirs and state she is specifically leaving them nothing or name what she is leaving them. If that doesn't happen, it leaves a door open for them to contest the will.

We state in our wills that any beneficiary that contests our decisions for OUR money gets nothing. Hopefully, it will stop the carnivorous behavior that both our families have concerning money. If not, they will spend lots of money and lose anything they would have received.

Inheritance is a gift, not a right, I pray for your family that they can get over the idea that they are loved less or whatever their ideas are regarding getting their "share" of moms estate.

My brother was left the house, me and other brother would get whatever money Mom had. Well, the money went for her care and the house had a tax and Medicaid lean on it so brother had it put back into the estate. It sold for pennies but enough to pay off leans. We each got about 3k ea. So if sister finds she cannot afford a house, then it can revert back to the estate.

Has Mom talked to sister about leaving her the house, she may not want that burden.

Fighting over a will that's not written yet, by a woman who's still alive! What could be worse than abandoning a close sibling relationship over the prospect of who gets a dilapidated old house that's more of a money pit than anything else?

These decisions are up to your mother and should not even be discussed with her children. Obviously.

Leave it up to MOM and stay out of the chaos. Tell your siblings that very thing and then let the chips fall where they may.

If mom on her own wants to do this, then it’s her right to do this. If mom wanted to leave her Estate to her dog and the Humane Society she could do it. Her house; her decision & family can pound sand. And she would do a Codicil to her existing Will to do this.

Not an attorney but personally I would never ever do this as a DIY, but meet with an Estate and Elder Law attorney to see what options look like in her State. Your mom sounds that she is very competent and cognitive so doing this not an issue. She needs an atty to deal with this as it involves minors as beneficiaries and that is really State specific as to what has to be taken into consideration.
Could be that for your State what might be away to do this with less post death blowback is to:
- update will via a Codicil. Mom meets with atty to discuss although you as her POA can drive her to the meeting. Atty has witnesses and notary so all is 100% legal without your involvement. Atty keep old will and the new codicil.
- codicil names you as Executor for probate.
- in the Codicil, house is to be placed into a Testamentary Trust with the two minors as the beneficiary of the TT. Usually a minor cannot outright inherit stuff so a TT does this as an after death process in probating her will. Their mom would be the Trustee with the power to sell property if need be for the best interest for the beneficiaries (her kids). & this way technically Sissy not inheriting the house, should a sibling ask…

As an aside…. Mom might should consider having all her bank accounts done to be POD or TOD to you as you will be her Executor and the $ in her accounts upon her death goes to you then you can use $ to pay for funeral and costs on her house till it finally goes out of probate.

Back to inheriting that house, State law matters as this involves “minors”. Maybe for your State that Testamentary may not the way to go but mom could do a Lady Bird Deed and name Sissy's kids as heirs; or your State allows for a usufruct and that’s done (mine does and used often for 2nd / 3rd marriages spouses to continue to use property to be inherited by kids from marriage #1). Or the best plan could be she moves the house title right now out of her name into an irrevocable Trust with Sissys kids as beneficiaries w/you and Sissy as Trustees and fingers crossed she does not need a NH and has to file for LTC Medicaid to pay for her care costs till 2029. Not a DIY.

Even if you do none of this, I’d really HIGHLY suggest that mom spend $ to get house inspected and then appraised. Should be under 1K for the duo and the appraiser can use the inspection report to develop their own report. Both done by licensed and registered professionals (not Realtor provided comps on value). So there are 2 valid legal legit reports on her house and why it is that lower value. Siblings (and their spouses) that are already carping about inheritance when mom even isn't on her deathbed are going to be all in your face that the house is worth way way waaaaaay more. Having that inspection and appraisal shuts done that bs nonsense.

Good luck and let us know what happens as we all do learn from each other’s experiences.

A Will is private. No one should know whats in it until Probate. My girls are aware they are beneficiaries but not to how much. I read one time...by telling people who is in the Will before you die you run into the problem of them being mad at you. So u don't tell them, and they are mad after your gone.