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This is just going to go on and on. Obviously, needing rehab/detox, but probably the hospital just wants to turf her out of there. She can be forced into a 3 day psych hold for verbalizing suicide desires...but beyond that, it's not going to be something an ER doc will handle.
AND stay tough. Don't let her move in with you.
Perhaps some Al-Anon (is that the support group for families of alcoholics?) could help you to understand her actions and how to set boundaries.
So, I can't see how you can be expected to endorse a decision that you genuinely believe is wrong and not in your mother's best interests. More than refuse to collect her, state your active disagreement with the discharge and ask them to put it on record.
No, you don’t have to pick her up.
It seems to me that it would be much like you or I being released. Depending on your mom’s diagnosis/condition at the time of discharge, while you may refuse to pick her up, sometimes hospitals send people home in a cab.
Since she is competent and drives she will probably just have them deliver her home.
If she can’t walk etc then the hospital might send her to rehab unless she arranged for another option.
Will she tell the nurse to call you? You just need to be ready to say no. Or call and tell the discharge folks ahead of time not to bother that you aren’t coming and they need to work it out with her.
Hospital and nursing home discharge planners can get very aggressive and tell you you have to come. You can say no.
I feel like our father has high-jacked much of my life. Unless I say no, am firm but compassionate, he will continue to manipulate, create high drama, put his children against each other, and exploit each person’s vulnerabilities for his advantage. He is 90-why would anyone expect him to suddenly change now?
You are the only one that can live your life. Please, from someone who has been where you are, don’t let this toxic person hi-jack one more minute of your life.
People that say it is your responsibility to take away her car, get her admitted and treated. That is not right-she has made her bad choices her whole life. She has legal rights. Making you feel guilty because you cannot make it happen is just wrong.
You can call the police if you see her driving while under the influence. You can call Adult Protective Services or 911 if she threatens suicide.
It is not your responsibility to try and fix this-it has been many decades in the making.
Again, my heart goes out to you and anyone else dealing with a toxic elderly parent.
Grace + Peace,
Bob
The simple fact of the matter is that children have no legal obligation to provide hands on care or financial support for their parents. Most of us here have helped our parents arrange their care, some have provided hands on care.
Taking care of a baby and taking care of a demented, or alcoholic or mentally ill parent is NOT something that a lone elder should attempt by themselves. That's my advice to Upstream.