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There are a lot of good suggestions here. For instance can you, or someone take her to join in some of the social activities that are offered on the assisted living and the memory care side?
Visit her often, and arrange for friends and family to visit and engage her in a game or an outing, or just to visit and talk.
bet you pay more for her to be in memory care. Basic reason given so she is safe? Has the facility stated they just don't have enough staff? Remember it doesn't really matter the reason they give its not ok. I have seen many facilities at night with maybe 2 care staff for 30plus residents and don't be surprised if one of them is just doing a peak in 10minute check in memory care. Remember less is more. The less staff the more $$$ for owners. Try too visit mom at maybe midnight. Or maybe 4/5am. It's a whole different world. Never call in advance that you are going to visit so late.
Fyi regulations state you have the right to unannounced visit 24/7. Don't let them tell you otherwise if they do you might want to look for another facility. I am not trying to be mean but this is all facted based.
I truly apologize but there are other things that can help mom should she feel the need to go out the door attempting to go home. Cute door chimes are great, So are motion dolls that have a cute sound when the front door opens. We had a catfish that would sing when my dad would get to the door. Locking her up and throwing away the key is not one of them. That last statement was told to me years ago by a wonderful lady In a locked memory care that stated she was bord.
When you move her from MC to AL who are you going to sue when mom decides to go for a walk and gets lost?
The person sitting at the front desk is not going to be responsible for watching her.
The AL staff will not keep an eye on her. they have plenty to do without "babysitting" everyone that tries to walk through any one of the doors that leads out.
What happens when she gets on the bus or van with the others to go to the store or one of the other outings and she does not get back to the bus? They can't wait forever.
Is she going to know what facility she is living in? Will she know the address and phone number? If she calls you panicked how long will it take you to get to her to bring her back to the facility?
I am a firm believer that a person with dementia should not be in AL. The risks are far to great. A person that never wanders my decide to go for a walk, go get the mail, need something from the store even though there is no mail and they need nothing from the store and they have no idea where they are in relation to the store.
The MC should have an outdoor area that residents can get to . If not request that mom be taken out for a walk a few times a week.
Ask that the activity director get mom involved in activities. If possible maybe even help with some of the activities.
Please do not move her to AL.
The residents had a beautiful walled-in courtyard where they could come and go as they pleased all day long. The ones who were too far gone with dementia and were in the memory care part had their own little courtyard that they used. Maybe a facility like this for your mother? Or ask about the ankle bracelet alarm.
We have managed the care of several family members with dementia..the first being my husbands aunt who had never married or had children, so we were the only family she had left so we moved her to a facility closer to us. We had zero experience and made the mistake of placing her in assisted living and had a separate company coming in for three hours a day to help her get dressed and washed and provide some company to her because we felt the same way you do..."she is not as bad as the folks in memory care". Well, unfortunately she walked right out of the front door of the assisted living facility and another family found her walking around the parking lot and she didn't know where she was. What if no one would have seen her? What if it would have been winter and she froze to death? She could have been killed! We felt so guilty and immediately moved her to a locked down memory care.
I suggest looking for other ways to entertain your mom while keeping her safe in memory care.
You can push to have her placed in assisted living, wait for her to “escape” and disappear, be injured, or die, and then file suit against the facility for negligence.
I would encourage you to get either (or both) a paid caregiver in there to spend 1-2 hours with her a week and volunteers on 2-3 other days. She needs more socialization - contact schools (colleges), churches, networks to find volunteers.
Gena / Touch Matters
Although many seniors talk about going home when they sundown, your Mom sounds very capable of actually pulling it off -- which is worrisome.
Talk to the admins about having her be a "helper" for the activities director and see if they can safely give her other tasks in the afternoons. Or, consider meds for agitation and anxiety, which may tone down the "going home" thoughts.
When my FIL got to the SNF, I would have described him as "not as demented as others" but things changed on a dime and the hallucinations and delusions caught us really off guard. Thankfully, they had the resources to deal with it.
I would definitely ask for a family care plan meeting - and discuss options. I wouldn't hold my breath though - if she is in memory care - its likely for a reason.
You say that she is in the locked down memory care side because she talked about going home a lot and they are afraid she would walk out. Is there more to that? I would hazard that the vast majority of people in a facility (unless it is independent living) usually lean heavily on wanting to go home.
You say that she is active and bored. Is she capable of completing her Activities of Daily Living? Or will you have to essentially "a la carte" her needs in Assisted Living? Is she a flight risk? Can she remember to take medications? Will she remember to shower or change her clothes or eat? Or will you have to pay extra for each ADL that she needs prompting or assistance with?
Are you seeing her regularly? Or is this based on phone conversations? Sometimes its easier to showtime on the phone than in person. And if you are seeing her in person, how long are those visits - because again the ability to showtime is usually pretty short but can be maintained for short visits or phone calls.
You have a lot to think about. Definitely engage the staff who work with her daily to get their thoughts.
Wishing you good luck. Hope you will tell us what you learned after you come back from an appointment with the administration.
She's in the same facility.
Why not give this a try?
If it doesn't work there is little lost in the trying.
I have seen that done over and over in the different facilities that I visit. It's a win win for everyone.
I remember when my own Dad was living in an Independent Living facility, the Staff found Dad trying to leave the building late in the evening as he was developing what is called "sundowning", mean his mild dementia became worse after sunset, but went back to mild in the morning. The Staff highly recommended that Dad would be safer in Memory Care. Wouldn't be surprised that could what your Mom is going through.