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Have you addressed the sleeping issue with the doc as well? Has the doc given anything to help her sleep through the night? She might have nights and days reversed. Staying up 21hrs a day can't be good for her physical health either.
You and your family need rest. You can't stay up 21 hrs a day to keep tabs on her.
It is common for the feces to be smeared on beds, walls, body in nursing homes.
I wonder about your mental health hiding things, and trying to pretend it's ok when it's clearly not. Why?
Perhaps you can get aids in to occupy her time during the day, or even give you some respite. It'
Funny that parents will be good as gold around other people, but fight tooth and nail about everything with family. Good luck.
I once heard, that we go from a child, adult and in our old age back to being a child (stage). This is probably what's happening to your Mom's. She really wouldn't be joking about putting poop everywhere, including her mouth. She's very Blessed to have a faithful and committed daughter (you) there to take care of her. I do this kind of work, and it can be very stressful on the family. Find good help to assist you on this Journey. Taking breaks of relief will give you the strength needed to endure.
Well 2 hours later she got up from the couch and had leaked through her 'Depends' and had wet jeans with urine running down her leg. Of course she insisted SHE didn't do it - she is the Queen of Denial! Then she got nasty to me again. I'm not sure which I would rather have, a mother who laughs and thinks it's funny, or a mother who makes nasty and rude comments to me. Both are very frustrating and I can only hope that there really is such a thing as 'Karma' that will reward all of those who deal with the pain and frustration of being a caretaker.
Sorry for all of you dealing with this, but, it is what it is. Your loved one is now incontinent, it may start out as occasional, but that is only short lived & a term, per a physician, that shouldn't even be used. They may get 1 & 2 in the toilet sometimes, other times everywhere & anywhere. There are too many steps for your loved to remember if nature calls these days, so, clothes may come off or not. A window sill, shower stall, or chair may look like a toilet. They may not even be sure what #2 is anymore, so, they may touch it, then want it off, so, on it will go to another place.
Whatever your preferred term, ALZ, dementia or memory impaired this is the real cause. Trying to reason or threaten with repercussions will not work. Depending on your loved one's cognitive your words may make things worse. You may cause shame, sadness or agitation & behavior concerns. This isn't a cookie cutter disease, so, who knows your outcome, but it is a battle you won't win.
The Depends is a must & make them become the "new underwear." Get the "jockeys" out of the house & no turning back.
Your choice on a long term solution is a personal one. It's either you're it, hope for instincts to kick in; you hire 24/7 help for your dad, experienced & knowledgeable; or you look for a facility. This is a tough part of caregiving & will get worse as the disease progresses. Many caregivers make a choice at this time because caregiving can & may become a full time job. It is physically & mentally draining.
All of us have to remember, thru the trials & tribulations, to not forget dignity & respect. Empathy & compassion is a must as well. If you love & care you find yourself becoming a voice for your loved one, it just happens. Stay strong & focused, trust your gut on decision making.
Blessings🌸
Best of luck and I hope it never gets that bad for me.
What I would be doing is looking into this person's family tree and seeing if they may have a bloodline extending as far as a Third World country where this kind of thing is common. This is what they do in those areas and it may be very possible this is probably just now coming out as an embedded behavior, something someone else in the family did when they lived in an area where this was common.
So if your dearest relative is showing incontinence involving number 2, please do take him or her to a doctor in order to get a thorough medical check of the mechanics down below. What is needed is muscle tone, and if your d.r. is not doing any exercise at all, even walking 20 minutes a day, the muscles of the butt may have slackened to such a level where they don't hold anything back. An anal prolapse is then possible, and is highly uncomfortable and painful when it happens.
But before that happens, what your d.r. may be doing may not be purely mischievous evil to get you riled, it may be a constant effort, particularly for women, to rid themselves of the pressure inside.
No sane person would do this deliberately, or do this without thorough handwashing afterwards. If there is no physical problem, then your d.r. does have some form of dementia, and either hourly diaper changes or residential care with attendant nurses are the only solutions.
Doctors advise not to try to care for at home any person who is spreading faecal matter about the house because of the health hazard to the other people in the home. It's not only the smell but also bacteria and toxins that cause the risk, and while they are drying out, they can get into your lungs over a long period of exposure. Care homes for the elderly have piles and piles of sanitary padding and purpose-built hazardous waste disposal facilities, also bactericides etc.
My fullest sympathies go out to you.