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Tell your parents that you can't do as much because you need to save your marriage. Hiring help is a good idea, but if you're going to have to manage that process, that indicates that they are ready for the next step: either independent living apartment or assisted living.
Sounds like they need hired help at home or need assisted living. Surely they don't want you to lose your marriage in caring for them.
When it was apparent she could no longer live on her own, at my very understanding and very compassionate husband’s insistence we moved Mom in with us. BIG mistake. The Waltons we were not. It was overwhelming and we had help! After 2 months, we moved Mom to an ALF and we all settled into the new normal.
That was 3 years ago — 3 years of Mom declining and needing more & more assistance. She passed away 3 months ago and we have no regrets. We realized and accepted our limitations, working with what we could & couldn’t do.
This helped us with figuring out how to help my aging & sickly in-laws. It is especially helpful now, as FIL passed away 6 weeks ago and he did everything for my MIL.
Try as we might, we can’t do it all or be everything to everyone. I want to grow old with my husband like our parents did with each other.
It's a true testament of a marriage when both of you commit to caring for your elderly parents. I'm still caring for my parents, and I'm engaged to a wonderful man who helps with caring for them now.
I know I'm happier not having to be torn between my parents and a husband that demands all of my time. My fiance' and I make a great team when it comes to caring for my parents.
Care for your parents and be sure to set time aside to spend with your husband on a regular basis.
Still, her needs of connecting with me continue and she calls 15 to 20 times each day. I have learned by now to resist answering every call....although there is a continual tinge of having to pick up the phone.
Because my Mom always taught me that Spouse comes first - both verbally and by example - I now remind her that I need to have sometime with hubby each day. In her alert states, she understands this....then she forgets immediately.
What an illness this dementia is! Hard for the patient, but very difficult for the loved ones.
Save your marriage.
That is your most important mission here, although it is a challenging one at that!
All the best!
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