By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Remember, your Dad is your DAD; he isn't YOU.
Let him find his own way. He will do it. As my brother said to me "This is kind of like when I was young and in the Army. I didn't much like it, but I made the best of it."
Give Dad time to find his way. Let him do that for himself and without any pressure or suggestion. This is something that is his to handle. We lose our ability to handle most things, and this can be his to handle. You can't fix everything for you, and the trying reduces him to being somewhat more a "child" than your Dad. His being in care should help you to move on to being his child again, not his caregiver.
Just my humble opinion and know I am wishing you both the best.
When my father decided to go to AL I thought he would thrive because he was a social butterfly. The exact opposite happened. He didn't get involved in anything except maybe a rare scenic bus ride. he was annoyed they did not provide a shuttle to the local casino. They had a history lecture every Monday night. He was a total history buff but never bothered to attend. That was not my problem to solve. I could not be his sole source of entertainment.
Also get the Assisted Living schedule and show up to some of the events, bingo, music, crafts what ever they have.
It maybe he's unsure of were to go and is a little intimidated to ask someone. Try that for awhile and then have the care home alert him and bring him to the different events that he likes. As he gets better continue to go periodically and encourage him in all activities he enjoys.
It will take time to assimilate especially if he not accustomed to communal living, or being around so many people again.
Give it some time with encouragement. If that doesn't work then go ahead and hire a companion to get him over the hump.
Good-luck hang in there.
is there someone labeled as “activities director “? If so, ask that person if they can find a way to coax him to join some activity he may like .
otherwise , if those ideas fail, could pay extra for an outside companion / sitter to go in and spend some time with him.
Are you and your sister visiting daily? some advocate to purposely spend time away the first week or two, which forces them to adjust and start interacting with people. Ask the staff what they think about that .
Don't impose your worries on him, let it flow, you cannot live vicariously through him.
His brain is broken, his wants and needs will in no way line up with yours.
Don't become a helicopter daughter, it will keep you both stuck.
Back off, facilities recommend that you stay away for a week or two, sounds like you are not following their advice.
* Give him as much time as he needs.
* 'Try' not to worry or be too concerned (at this point). He needs to ease into a new situation / environment.
* I would reframe from (trying) pushing him to do things / social activities, engage with others. There may be a very fine line between encouragement and pushing although he will know / feel what you are doing and perhaps resist (more).
* If I were you, I would more so focus on encouraging him to express to you (the family) how he is feeling. I am not sure what Stage 5 Alz means in terms of his cognitive functioning / ability to communicate with you, however, focusing attention on him 'one-on-one,' in ways that he feels cared about / for - and to get his feelings out may help him. It may also help you relax a bit more / (less anxious) and trust things will fall into place over the next few weeks.
* My client (with advanced dementia) did adjust after several weeks. She got to love the care aides. I actually didn't believe them although they were right.
- As well, the relationships at the facility are so very important. As your dad starts to get to know the staff, and they show they care, he likely will start to feel more connected / and not so alone.
Volunteer Organizations:
* See if LITA operates in your area.
* Call local County City Hall Senior Services Dept and ask about volunteer organizations.
* Ask social worker at facility.
* Call college dept heads (nursing, counseling, geriatrics) for students / volunteers. They can get credit or experience visiting an elder.
* Post notice at your (or a) local church for a volunteer visitor.
I did this for my friend-companion who was in a nursing home and bed ridden.
Socialization visits / visitors was critically important to me, for him.
- It helped me as I was exhausted going as often as I was. Having others visit was essential for his quality of life. He had two lovely 'friends' for two years. They were a Godsend. And, I was able to rest a bit more or do other responsibilities, while also working.
- Have you tried inviting your dad to the dining room there with you and your sister - to ease him into it ? Perhaps you try this already? I certainly wouldn't expect him to go alone yet.
To recap - try to relax a bit more and trust the process - his process.
If he likes to paint or draw, perhaps take him out into the garden area and bring a sketch pad.
When you do visit, always take him out into the common areas.
Do NOT stay in his room. The key is to ease him into the environment with you.
Is there a social worker you can talk to on the premises?
They should be supporting you / guiding you through this process.
They know how it it / how it goes.
You might want to employ a massage therapist too, if you think that would help him. And it doesn't need to be a certified therapist (as I am). Anyone can give a gentle 'touch' massage. If he'd enjoy that, give him a scalp massage or a foot massage. It will relax him. I presume that he may feel depressed, alone, lost. Being with him - where he is - will help him. Let us know how it goes.
Gena / Touch Matters
If I were to move into such a place, I’d sit back and look things over before jumping into things! Let him have his space and see what develops.
Good luck to dad in his new home.
What about if you ate a few meals with him in the dining room and introduced him to 2 people. He doesn't have to befriend the entire unit but just a few. I know some people who eat with someone new every night when they are new.
The men usually like sports on tv but we are made for one another and you need human contact. Can you hire an assistant 2 days per week to bring your father to an event?