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I believe it can be any one or a combination of the above. Sometimes, it's because the mother never had much of a life outside of her children. Sometimes, it stems from fear because of failing physical and/or mental health. Sometimes it's a personality issue. Whatever the reason, the only way out the caregiver has is to not fall victim to the blackmail. Detaching from this type of treatment can be extremely difficult, and sometimes counseling is necessary. However, if the caregiver can't detach to some degree, there's no way to break the cycle. That being said, we are our parents' children and it's difficult to completely detach from the way they treat us.
Take care,
Carol
But as I've been told several times now, if you're lucky enough not to know what it's like to have that kind of mother you can't really understand how much power emotional blackmailers can wield. Clearly, it's less painful for the blackmailee to give in to the blackmailer's demands than to tell her where to go, and I suppose it's a lifelong, self-feeding habit. It's also a form of bullying and wants stamping on firmly wherever possible - but that's just my two penn'orth.
I am now getting rid of every single thing I have of hers, her rings, knick knacks, whatever I came home with. I decided to purge my life of her and my father. I need to heal for the rest of the life I have left.
These types are not real parents, they are mentally disturbed narcissists who only think about one thing, themselves.
@terry - BPD does not refer to Bi polar but to Borderline Personality Disorder, It s not a matter of hate but of hurt, and healing from the hurt and abuse as well as possible. A college text book does not provide many answers of how to handle them. Counsellors don't know how to handle people with personality disorders or how to help them much. My mother was diagnosed later in life and I was told that there was no treatment . I do agree with getting away from them - not living under the same roof.
Misslauri - there is a huge difference between "dealing with frustrating parents and inlaws" and dealing with family members with mental illnesses. I tend to be a optimist too and look for the silver living. It is very hard to find in some situations.
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