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Hi there, Since I’ve become my mom’s care provider about 4 years ago, I’ve noticed how bad my memory has become. It started about 2 years ago, or so. Anyway, those close to me don’t think it’s a big deal; including my doctor. So where do I go now? Does anyone know what specific words I can use the next time I see the doc? Family & friends tell me it’s normal for this to happen after retirement because a person isn’t required to “be on the ball” like they were when they were working. I retired when I was 56, now I’m 62 and it’s frightening how bad my memory is! Any advice? I’d appreciate it. Thanks!

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I’m in the same boat. I left my job four years ago to care for my husband who has fronto-temporal dementia. It really does seem extreme and would concern me more if I didn’t have so many other things to worry about. Hoping for the best for all of us in this situation.
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I will also have to raise my hand! I am 59 and I think I am so frightened that I might get Alzheimer's and have the same end of life as my Mom had, that I worry incessantly every time I forget the slightest thing. I also, like many, make lists because I forget things that need to be done, and there always seems to be a very long list! I wonder if I am just being over sensitive because I took care of Mom for so many years, or if there really is something I should be worried about. Mom has been gone for a little over two years. I also am recovering from all that it took. I sleep weird hours because that is all that I could do when Mom was alive. Trying to get that back to normal. I try and read, and play games that make you have to think, or count. So far so good, but I totally understand the worry and how you feel. Maybe Garden Artist is right...we should rename this the Missing Memory Group, but then we'll never remember the name! :)
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During the month of April and May, twice I thought Mother’s Day was the weekend coming up. I don’t know why. The second time I had to laugh.

I wanted to go see my mom but health wise it didn’t work out and the family chaos also threw a monkey wrench in any plans.
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My husband told me I’m off the rails memory wise. I think it’s a medicine’s side effect plus, he admits, I’ve been very ill plus in a lot of pain. Pain will scramble your thought processes the med for it will too.

But don’t be afraid you’re losing your faculties. Caring for ill people will put you in a brain fog. You feel as confused as the patient. But stop worrying about your faculties. Your nerves are probably shot too.

Xanax is not a good nerve medicine however; it causes memory loss. Blackouts even.
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JoAnnS, I think that it takes more than just four months to get your zip back. Give yourself even more of a break. :)
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Treeartist, I have also thought I saw something I didn't. I attributed to lack of sleep but I also need glasses and am going through an age-related process called posterior vitreous detachment (PVD). You might want to get your eyes checked.
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Tyred2, could you have Attention Deficit Syndrome?
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If you're like many of us - you are suffering sleep deprivation on top of all you are doing.

When I had to start getting up every couple of hours to help my DH void, I was staggering around the house worse than he was.

The fact you know you have a problem - means the problem probably isn't as bad as you fear. Start making notes, it helps a lot. And I haven't known what day it is since *forever* but life still continues.

Hang in there honey, it ain't just you.
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Hi Autumn... know I already replied. Thank you so much for your post and information. I just updated "not sure what to think" with the latest happenings. I am definitely going to check it out as he is becoming more and more verbally abusive ( I was calling it verbally mean but can no longer do that.) and it so out of character for him up until the last 6 months. It is hard when there is no family close and no one to talk to.
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Dusti22 - You mentioned in a post that you are 66, so you are covered under Medicare. Visits to a mental health professional are covered when they’re provided by a health care provider who accepts Medicare. I am in the process of setting up visits for my mom who is 93 and in assisted living. Therapy has helped me. I have a great support group of friends, but the benefit of seeing a mental health professional is that it’s their job to reserve judgment and guide you toward what’s best for you. Here's a link to SS and mental health coverage; www.medicare.gov/coverage/outpatient-mental-health-care.html
Take care of yourself.
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Sonny, I so agree. I would love to go to counseling but when you are semi retired the costs are prohibitive and not sure Social Security would cover it. When I first found this site I was ready to run down the street screaming as I had no one to talk to. (Can't talk to my honey as I don't want to upset him) Since finding this great group of people, I feel so much more relaxed. It means a lot finding out that there are others who are going through the same thing.
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Lizzy...so glad you found your Franklin. Mine is my life saver. Take care.
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@katiekay You're right about looking into counseling for yourself. The support group I just joined had the same consensus; I Need help too. I have talk my insc co to see if I can get some of it paid for since the costs for that have skyrocketed in the last 5 years. In the interim, this site is going to have to supplement that and I really hope it can replace it just due to the cost. Stress and depression ARE one of the major issues with being a caregiver for a family member and I'm just finding that out that the stress Will effect Our memory too. Get help asap either thru a support group or thru counseling.
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Sometimes I wonder where my memory has gone. I don't know how much the stress of caregiving contributed and how much is aging. I'm disappointed with it, but not terribly worried.

In the ten years I cared for my husband, I think I missed his pill doses twice. For myself, I miss pill doses at least twice a month. I missed trash pickup day a couple of times this winter. I never forgot mealtimes when I was taking care of Coy. I regularly get involved in something and keep going without stopping to eat.

I've never been good with names. I'm pretty hopeless now.

heysilky, what kinds of things are you forgetting? If you forget that Tuesday is trash pickup day, or you thought today was Monday, oh well. If you can't remember what a waste basket is or why there is one in your kitchen, that is considerably more concerning.

So you forget what day it is. Do you remember how to find out? Are you mostly forgetting facts (who is vice president?) or processes (how to I use this coffee maker?)

I suggest keeping track of things you forget (after you remember that you forgot them, of course.) so you can discuss it more specifically with your doctor.

Meanwhile, relax. Stress isn't good for you memory, you know!
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As a stay at home mom, I had these issues. After thinking about it, I believe much of what caregivers do and full time moms or dads is a little repeticious, often monotomous and easily forgetable! I agree, having a system, planner is very helpful!
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I find myself forgetting more and more, too. But, I am doing the things that help the memory. Exercise is a biggie. Water aerobics, dance (in the pool for me) and even lifting weights are memory builders. I have sleep apnea, too, and use my CPAP machine faithfully. That poor sleep is a memory killer. I am trying to learn a foreign language--another thing that builds memory. If there is something that research shows helps the memory, I am game to try it. Memory loss may still happen, but if I can slow it down and function longer, I want to do that. I am POA for a friend I got into a memory care apartment, so I see a lot of people with memory issues and a taste of what may lie ahead for me. All the more incentive to do what I can to work on this issue. With my friend in a good place for memory issues and my being retired, I can try these things that are supposed to help and build them into my week. I also work crossword puzzles each day--the easier ones anyway. I encourage you all to look into the things that build memory capacity and perhaps be able to forestall this from happening or getting worse.
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jeannegibbs May 2018
Hey Johnny. I think you are right to take steps to exercise your brain. What you see in your friend's memory care facility is not usual forgetfulness. It is dementia. Dementia always includes memory loss and also additional symptoms, like delusions, confusion, out-of-touch with reality, and loss of social filters. Memory loss is certainly not always dementia.

What language are you trying to learn?
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Thank you, thank you, thank you all ! I really appreciate the replies & suggestions to my post & feel a whole lot better about this issue. As far as stress goes, I’ll say that just logging on to this forum to read all the comments that y’all share has really made me feel less stressful. Y’all, yourselves have gone and are going through so much and your empathy & compassion for others is commendable. Plus, I’ve begun seeing a therapist & after just two sessions she has taught me so much about my narcissistic sister whom I’ve had such obsessive anger issues about. She suggested that when I think about her (my sister, not my therapist!!) I picture her in a hospital gown because my sister is ill. Wow! What a simple but effective idea. It really helped tone down my anger.

Thanks again...so much. This is a jewel of a forum
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Maybe someone already said this (I didn't read all the responses) but I suggest you keep a log of the times you were concerned about your memory. Saying "I'm having trouble with my memory" is very vague. Saying "I left the water running in a stopped sink for an hour." or "I left a pot boiling on the stove until it boiled dry" is less vague. You want to show that you have memory lapses that are not temporary and that are impacting your daily activity.

Doctors will blow you off. Absolutely and positively. But you know yourself better than anyone. If you are concerned, don't stop asking for help. Memory problems can be caused by lots of physical things that can be alleviated. Thyroid trouble, low B vitamins, dehydration, UTI...all can affect your memory. I find the Nurse Practitioners are more open to hearing my concerns without patting me on the head and sending me on my way.

If the doctor responds with some version of "I wouldn't worry about it", politely ask that they consider what else it could be besides nothing. Good luck.
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I'll bet quite a bit that your memory issues are due to tiredness & nothing else - the mere fact you notice means that you are on the ball quite a bit - you may have a slight case of caretaker burn-out - is there anyway you can get off for 7 to 10 days for your 'battery' to recharge -

Not a go go go vacation rather pick a water side place for long walks, a hammock in the sun, dinner out that is served nicely, a bottle or 2 of wine, close to a morning coffee shop that has speciality baked goods so good that you are picking tomorrow's before you leave, a spa day etc - you get the pix just relax & enjoy

If there are siblings then tell them[DON'T ASK] that you are going away & give them a choice of 2 or 3 time slots & if they can't accommodate then they pay for help so you can recharge - it will be good for you both - leave your cell phone at home too so that you are not on call continuously
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I was going to respond, but I forgot what the topic was..... 🤔
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heysilky, I would NOT ignore your own assessment of your cognitive capacity. I would definitely see a neurologist.
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Franklin Covey...wondered why that sounded familiar.

I have a black zip binder/planner that I used a lot when my kids were in High School. I bought current pages for it but haven’t used it for a couple months. I just pulled it out. It’s a Franklin Covey.

My family has always called it MY BRAIN!
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So why is it I can remember everything for my mom but not for myself? LOL no problem with her after noon or nighttime meds and now that we had an abscess on her pubic area surgical lanced and scraped as much as she could stand...... I fall into bed to wait and make sure she falls out solid and then I forget to take mine! Results: my Fibro flares, I have to get up more often to potty and have to run before I tend to her!!!
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Heysilky,

Of course if your memory problems have you worried absolutely find a Dr for an evaluation.

I just remembered something I will share.

My Mom was evaluated by a Geriatric Psychiatrist for a mood disorder after she had developed Dementia. There was a point that this Dr thought Mom might not have a true Dementia at all but a pseudo dementia caused by a Depressive Disorder.

Just thought I would throw that out there as another avenue you might want to explore.
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You all have encouraged me. I too have been very concerned about my memory and lack of initiative. My husband has been in memory care almost four months and I thought I would have gotten my zip back by now. What I am finding is that I am more depressed as I see him losing ground. Is it because the day to day pressure is over and reality can set in? I feel like I am in limbo and unable to get all those projects done that were just waiting until my caregiving at home was over. I visit every day and he is well cared for so I feel I have no excuse for my lethargy.
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anonymous594015 May 2018
There is no time line that everyone follows on grief. Be good to yourself. Make yourself choose healthful foods and get out into the sun everyday that you can. Make regular dates to see people who energize you. Set one small goal to accomplish each day. One day at a time.
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To assume it is stress and lack of sleep probably won't ease your mind. It might be, but it might not be, related to being a caregiver. I have been there but didn't understand the fog until I finally came out of it. However, unless you get properly checked out by a competent neurologist or memory care specialist who will do a full work-up, you will not know IF it could be something else. Don't just assume just Alzheimer's either. Your local Alzheimer's Assn should have names of referrals. I hope all turns out well for you.
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Stress and lack of sleep can wreck havoc with your mind and memory. That being said it sounds like you would like something more official (for lack of a better word) to let you know if something else is going on. If your primary care doctor is not listening I would make an appointment with a geriatric and or psychiatrist for an evaluation. If they don't find anything it will give your some peace of mind and one less thing to worry about. I belong to Kaiser Permanente for medical care and they offer the option of a geriatric assessment which is partially a brain check up as well as a review of all your medications prescription and over the counter to make sure that nothing is contributing to any memory issues.
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Check your meds--I had a problem with my memory several years ago--to the point that it was affecting my job. Looking into a possible cause, discovered that one of the possible effects of a couple of meds was memory issues. Stopped taking the statin drug, and in two weeks it was like a fog lifting, and the improvement was amazing. Still not totally cleared, but enough to be basically functional. Every now and then I lose the word I want, or leave something in the wrong place and can't find it, but I at least remember what I'm looking for!
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RobinR makes some good points. Getting yourself checked out thoroughly, might give you peace of mind, even if the memory issue is due to stress.

I will admit that when I was trying to care for my LO with dementia, work full time, care for senior parents, etc. IT was VERY stressful. It caused me many health problems, in addition to playing havoc on my mental state. I was convinced that I had to have some kind of cognitive decline. I was so afraid. But, I got my physical health on back on track, got help for LO so, relief from caregiver overload and starting taking Coconut oil capsules (I know it sounds odd and isn't proven, but, it does help me. I take fish oil too.) And before too long I was feeling much better and even better than I had in many years. So, I was wrong about it.

I hope you can find your answers. I'd consider options though, because sometimes, it's just that you need respite.
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Hey my Dad had mid stage Alz and Mom had Dementia for 15 years.... and the GP they were seeing didn't notice anything wrong. I was finally able to get them into the Cleveland Clinic where they were properly diagnosed.

For myself I've noticed a rapid decline in memory and yes while I do have a lot going on at the same time, this is much worse than normal. Just did a bunch of tests yesterday, and hoping this is more of a Thyroid problem than a blockage problem.

At any rate, I mentioned that I wanted to get a referral for the Cleveland Clinic, so that I could make an appointment, and the doctor was happy to comply - even agreeing that it would be a good idea. From everything I'm reading, both Alz and Dementia can be managed diseases, especially when caught before much of the brain damage has been done.
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