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Silky, I don't agree with those who are telling you that it's normal to lose memory capacity after retirement. In fact, given that we don't have to focus on how to get along with lazy people, "not my job" people, grouchy or not very well trained bosses, I think we're freer to develop our mental capacity.
Still, caregiving does challenge memory, or at least short term memory, in my experience. This week I just couldn't remember which day it was, but I can still picture surveys of projects on which I worked back in the 90's.
With caregiving, I think more short term vs. long term focus is required, and on more "fight or flight" episodes. Although long term planning is still a factor, the short term catastrophes or emergencies become more prevalent, more life threatening and more important.
I don't what specific solutions would be recommended. For me though, it's reading. It refocuses my mind, and in exciting adventure novels there's usually much more drama and immediate need for action, so my mind is shifted from a medical emergency to wondering how the author created an escape for the characters.
If you can create some semblance of home work, though, I think that would also provide a focus. I tried to scope out my tasks, using a technique I learned on one of my jobs. It requires identifying goals, tasks required to reach those goals, and scheduling them in order of importance as well as precedence. It helps stimulate my memory.
My name is Patrick, I am new at caring, my mom has vascular dementia and both my mom and dad are in there late seventies. I am a full-time care for both of them since last October. I used to be a 5 star hotel manager but I realized that my parents mean more to me than my career so I quit. I have found that my memory is foggy at times,I have to write out what I need to for the day so I can get things done otherwise it might not get done. Sometimes I can't remember what day it is , did I give them their medicine , have I done all that needs to be done. I am the youngest of 8 kids (47) 6 more live in the town , help as they may I sometimes feel I need support out side the home .
Every time I looked at my daily and weekly schedule, my mood was relaxed and the anxiety softened and I felt better. "Softened" isn't a normal way of characterizing anxiety, but that's exactly what I felt - less stress, more relaxed, and just not as tensely wired and tense as I had before gazing on those beautiful motifs on the planners.
My parents have been in a memory care since last July and I still don't feel like I have rested from the extreme stress I endured for the last 5 years or so.
Medications also effect memory. Check to see if any of your meds have drowsiness as a side effect. If your sleep is getting interrupted by your LO, the "drowsiness" impact can be magnified.
Oh my gosh, I use to be so sharp it would even scare me. Now having issues trying to remember things is scaring me even more. It's like there is a timer lock on my memory's file cabinets as sometimes it can take me 5 minutes or 5 hours to recall what I was trying to remember.
This all happened back when I was doing some caregiving for my parents. Even though it mostly was logistical, it was the lack of sleep that I think threw the curve off. The last parent passed just over a year ago, I am still in recovery mode. And I find myself napping a lot :P
Isn't it wonderful to be able to take a nap, with the phone turned off so you don't have to worry about getting an emergency call?
Since I retired, I joined our church choir, and I notice it is difficult when learning new music to read the notes and words at the same time. I used to be able to do this. And this weird thing....last week in church, after the choir had left the choir loft and joined the congregation, a group of men got up to sing. They were really good, and I remember thinking “That’s odd, it’s a quintet, instead of a quartet”, because there were five men up there. Well, during choir practice, the director praised the quartet, and I mentioned to my seatmate that there were five, and she said, “no, there were only four”, and she named them. What? I looked on the church bulletin and saw only four names. Now I’m waiting for the video to be broadcast (it’s a week delayed), to see how many men were singing. I feel like I have dropped into The Twilight Zone!
And yes, stress can make you forgetful. After Katrina and the destruction of my house, my family and I were homeless and living with different family members for about 6 weeks. During that time, I ruined my cellphone (the old Nokia) by forgetting it was in the pocket of my shorts and washing it with a load of laundry, and I locked myself out of my car three times and had to call Pop-a-lock.
Calgon, take me away.
That's when I realized that a lot of my DH's problems were from Sleep Deprivation as well as age related. When traditional medicines didn't work, I started researching Herbal Remedies and one of my favorites is Ashwagandha - it's not expensive, a 2 month supply is $20 for Himalayan. Now, even though DH wakes me every hour or two to help him void, I find I can return to sleep and I wake up feeling rested. I tried it for it's calming effect - and it is keeping me a lot calmer. A lot less stressful cussing.
My #2 problem is nutrition. Just as the elderly don't eat properly, neither do some of us caregivers. This is why so many caregivers pass before the patient they are caring for. If you are having trouble with eating right - consider some supplements for protein and greens (veggies). I use both and just incorporate them into my Oatmeal and I add them to my vegetables - it helps with my own brain fog.
Sometimes we tend to forget to take care of the caregiver too.
I agree with stress and memory related issues.
Some days I am so full of worry that I have no space to think about other things.
To help me remember the day of the week, I have little battery calendars situated in various places, so I am never to far the check.
I have small clocks every where and if they have a day/date on them this is a bonus.
I have small packets of post-it notes, with pens, all over the place and write down ANYTHING I think of. Daily I keep check of these (that is why I have the yellow ones - they stand out) lol
I have a small weekly display diary, which I keep open on the week we are in, by placing a small rubber band each side. Every year, I transfer all the birthdays and important dates to the new small diary. I take it and a pen every where. As I get a doctors, hospital appointment etc. It goes in my little diary. when I get home. it gets put onto the wall calendar, hanging in the kitchen.
I try and do quiz things and games etc (on line) daily to try and help me stay as sharp as I can.
When in pain, or stressed this all goes out the window. hahaha So I HAVE to look at all the things I have in place to help me.
Remember to take care of yourself too, or you will not be able to take care of those you need to.
I know this does not solve your problems but if only one of them proves useful, then all is good.
Accept little victories as miracles, they are. Try and smile a little every day (look at the jokes page here if you struggle) I will punch it up for you so you can bookmark it.
Finally you have our support and love and prayers to help you, any time of the day or night, someone is mooching around here. Hugs
I too approached my Dr while in the depths of my caregiving duties. I know part of my concern was my forgetfulness. My other concern was am I already developing Dementia?!?
My family Dr would not even consider testing me or referring me to someone for testing. He told me I had better get my stress level under control before the top of my head blew off. That my memory at that point was the least of my problems. He had been our family Dr for 30 years so that statement was coming from a Dr as well as a friend.
It’s been 2.5 years since Mom passed. My memory is much, much better, until some heavy duty stress hits...
Which reminds me of another story. Years ago, (maybe 1997) I met a 105 year old woman who lived in her own apartment independently in a retirement community. I was introduced to her by my then 72 year old friend. As an aside, it was remarkable how my friend who was decades older than I, deferred to the older lady and seemed to become like a young woman in her presence. To continue, the older lady’s daughter of 86 had a doctor’s appointment and brought her mother with her but left her in the waiting room during her visit. After the consultation the doctor started telling her about the medication he was going to prescribe and other instructions, when the daughter said, “Wait! I won’t remember all this. Let me get my mother in the waiting room to help me”. The doctor and nurse were so surprised that they followed her to the waiting room to see her mother!
I can’t remember her name now, but she walked the equivalent of 2 miles around her retirement complex every day, and the day I met her told us wonderful stories of growing up in Chunky, Mississippi. Imagine the changes she saw!
Sorry... back to the memory (smile). One thing that has helped me is that I use a Franklin (Franklin Covey) and have for many years. It is an organizer that I carry with me at all times. (I like it better than DayTimer.) Without it I could not keep up with important issues, appointments and anything that I need or want to remember. I have learned to have a specific spot for my car and house keys (keep them on separate ring) and with working to start my own business this organization has helped a great deal. This has helped alleviate a lot of stress for me. I will still forget things but I have don’t sweat the small stuff. My suggestion is to get checked out by your doctor to rule out any physical ailments and then from there work toward getting things organized for you, though I know you have your hands full as a caregiver. If it means using an organizer, using a small notebook or sticky notes trust me it helps. Find a hobby that you enjoy (even if taking a bubble bath, writing, reading etc) and make time for YOU so that you can have even a few minutes to relax and unwind. You time is important. I have learned that in the last 13 years. My art is my sanity saver and what I love to do. This is how I unwind.
Sorry if I sound like I am preaching or up on my soap box. I am not an expert by any means but am going on what I have learned over the last 13 years as a caregiver and the last 37 years since I had my first stroke. I hope it helps as it has helped me. In the meantime hang in there everyone! Thank y'all for being there. It feels so good to know that I am not alone. Have a great day!
I would first recommend a thorough blood test to check on vitamins, minerals, hormones, iron, etc.
Once that has been done and nothing is obviously lacking at that foundational level, then I would find a good memory specialist and take a test...you can find a referral to a good one via a well-established memory care facility.
I did this, in that order, when I thought I was also 'coming down' with dementia, while taking care of Mom for 10 years total. After those two steps, I am now relaxed and know that all is well if I include MYSELF in my care giving plan!