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Having said that--can you come back and give us more details. Like what it is you have to do for her? Do you live with her? Do you have sibs who may/or may not be supportive? How is your health being affected by your level of care.
Don't be ashamed for saying what you think. I'm sure that 'hate' is a strong word, and no doubt you hate the SITUATION you are in, and you are projecting that on your mom.
Likely that your mom DOESN'T care what she's doing to you! We're in the same boat--my DH is thoroughly enmeshed in a CG situation with his mother that is not going to end for the forseeable future. I'm not involved AT ALL with this care, and he reminds me all the time that IF only I would 'make nice' with his mother, then I, too, could be one of her CG's.
Uh, no thanks.
PLease do come back and elaborate about the situation. Then you will get some great advice.
{{Hugs}}
You obviously are burnt out beyond human limits, so now it's time for you to start caring for yourself and place your mother in the appropriate facility, or you will be one of the 40% who dies before the one they're caring for.
There are social workers at the facilities that can help you get her placed, and if money is an issue they can help you apply for Medicaid for her.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP DOING THIS!!!
You matter too in this equation in case you've forgotten, so call your local area agency on aging and get the ball rolling TODAY to get her placed.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
Place her in a facility.
Speak to an elder care attorney if you need guidance in placing mom, from a financial standpoint.
Best of luck to you.
The elderly often don't plan, and they expect their children to take care of them. The children are too intimidated or overwhelmed to know what to do. The first step is making phone calls as others have suggested. Do it!
No one is obligated to be a caregiver.
If you are being made ill from caregiving it is time not to continue doing it.
If you are having some of the thought that you are having I can imagine they are very disturbing for you. I would suggest a bit of counseling with a good psychologist or a LSW in private counseling practice to comb out a way forward in your life.
I am so very sorry you are currently so distressed.
You must have your reasons for these intense emotions. Nevertheless, she deserves to have a caregiver who doesn’t hate her.
You deserve to be free from caring for a woman that you hate. So, please stop this insanity and allow you and your mother to live in peace.
Seek therapy if you need help with achieving this goal. Hopefully you will figure out how to hit the reset button and start over.
It sounds like you have been through the wringer and will need time to heal from your wounds. Wishing you all the best.
It’s sad and frustrating that one day I’m doing things and can make my own decisions, and in the future, at some point, I won’t be able to do that… :(. People age differently.
YOU MY DEAR, are taking care of mom. YOUR PLATE IS FULL.. and you need a break, but now how is that going to happen? TAG, you’re it, but you’re not alone. do you have Power of attorney?
Can you talk with her doctor and yours.. tell them what’s going on, ask for palliative care evaluation on her. Maybe you can get some help, get a break..
I’m sorry you got to this point.
your mom may be feeling vulnerable or too much of a burden on you.she may be feeling guilty of putting you through this..
talk with your doctor. Talk with her doctor.
Adult daycare in your area?
Drop her off a couple hours a couple days a week, if there is any kind of daycare for adults nowadays.
im not sure how bad she is physically or mentally.. but maybe take her to the library or check your local library or city hall or parks to see if there are any senior activities.. I loved taking mom to bingo.. had dinner there, and shared a bingo card game, just to get out and do something different.
maybe you can find a volunteer to give you a break to walk, breathe etc..
breathe.. if you find you two are bickering.. step out of the room.. take a break..
Try to get evaluation for palliative or hospice care.
As everyone says start looking at nursing homes or senior living .. living and aging in place..
this way, when you do visit her it’ll be fun, music, milkshakes, and memories of fun times - hopefully…
I worked like a dog to set up some outside caregivers. For my dad and mom it was income from VA that paid for private and agency caregivers. Dad eventually used hospice.
I applied for medicaid for mom and I found a really nice nursing home. She passed away two days after admission. She had become bedridden.
I had a stroke and heart surgery and my mom still asked me to pull on her & lift her to her wheelchair! I physically could not and refused. If you are waiting for her to show care for you give up.
Now husband's aunt 94 with advancing dementia has 24/7 care and hospice. We are still there several times a week delivering groceries, setting up meds, etc.
Interacting with the caregivers.
How old are you?
Do you live with Mom, her with you or you have a place of your own?
Do you have POA for her financial and Medical?
Can Mom do anything for herself, can she be left alone.
You may need to get APS (Adult protection services) involved. They can evaluate Moms situation and help with resources. Or you tell them you can no longer care for her and allow them to take over her care. But that means the State becomes her guardian and they make decisions on her care. You are not consulted.