By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
The National Suicide Hotline number is 988 to chat or text.
https://988lifeline.org/
Wishing you the best of luck with all of this.
I'm assuming you are both over 65 (if your user name 1954 refers to your birth year). If so, this makes you (and hopefully him) seniors, which opens up some options. I'm also assuming you are not your husband's PoA (and he doesn't have one).
By your description, you husband seems to have some form of dementia or untreated mental health problem, or both. You can call 911 and tell them he's not acting "normal" and that he may have a UTI or other problem (do not mention dementia since this is not considered a medical emergency and they may not come). If the EMTs are able to get them to the ER (you follow) then you talk to the discharge desk to make sure they know you are not able to care for him at home, that you're not his caregiver and that he is an "unsafe discharge". No matter how hard the discharge people try to talk you in to taking him back home, DO NOT agree to that. Make sure you have his phone so that he doesn't call anyone else to come get him. Consider showing the doctor and nurse pics of the filthy living conditions and that your mental health is breaking down. Then ask to talk to a social worker and discuss him going directly into a facility. If no one is his PoA then the courts can assign him a legal guardian and will take care of all his needs and you are done with it. They may even keep him as a "social admit" if he has behavior issues or refuses meds as treatment. They will keep him in a psych wing until he is stabilized, then transition him into a facility -- most likely.
If your husband being removed from your apartment and the loss of his SS income will create a housing problem for you then talk to a social worker for your county about Section 8 housing options, if you're not already in one.
Or, instead of the ER strategy, you can call social services for your county first and tell them what's going on and that you want to be assessed for in-home services. When they come and see the conditions and your situation, they may have options for you.
You can contact churches and faith-based organizations for othe types of help, even if you're not a member or even a believer. My church helps "strangers" through a benevolent fund all the time. This is only a 1-and-done thing as they won't be able to help on an ongoing basis. Some churches have ministries and programs for seniors that might be of help to you, so be sure to ask.
You can also contact your local Area Agency on Aging for guidance and resources. I wish you much success in getting help for you and your husband. May you receive clarity, wisdom, hope and peace in your heart.
The cats should be removed for their own safety and care. People who cannot afford care for their beloved pets do them a disservice to keep them despite the love.
I am just so sorry. Reach out to APS and tell them you need help, request their visit. If this doesn't work look for your local council on aging (www.councilonaging for a contact number. )
There is clearly nothing that a Forum of strangers can do to get you help. If you must contact your local police station or sheriff's office for number for access to help and social services, then do that.
988 is the number of the national suicide hotline which can hook you up with help if you feel you are a danger to self or others, and you should call 911 if you are having such ideation. An admission to the hospital will get YOU care, will assess your hubby for care, and will get you in the midst of Social Workers who can provide you with access to care.
Also remember you are young, you have a lot of life and love left to give, this is one horrible bump in the road. Your not the first person to be wishing for death and you won't be the last. You can turn your life around.
You made the first step in asking us for help, now you have to make another step, by walking out that door. There are people that will help you, but you have to want to help yourself.
So please help yourself
Your life and living situation sounds horrible to say the least, but there is help out there for you, I think you're just too far gone in your depression and have basically just thrown in the towel in your defeat instead of searching for it.
Please not only call Adult Protective Services in your area to report your situation, but also your local Area Agency on Aging, along with 211, as they will have a list of all agencies in your area that can help with housing, transportation, food, and whatever else you may need.
I am so sorry that you feel so hopeless, I just can't imagine, but I do hope and pray that you'll reach out to these different agencies and ask for help.
There is help out there, but you have to be the one to reach out and ask for it, and I hope that is what you'll do.
Life is precious and life is short, and I hope that sooner than later you'll be able to see at least a glimmer of hope in your situation.
Please don't give up. God loves you and wants so much better for you, so don't be afraid to take the necessary steps to make things better.
Many families have had similar experiences--you're not alone. Other AgingCare members have provided several resources that are available to you in the answers on this page. Please reach out to these resources as soon as possible to ensure you, your husband, and your cats get the help you need and deserve.
So are you 40 and is your husband your age?
Is alcohol or drugs involved in this?