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A line in “To a Mouse,” by Robert Burns: “The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft a-gley, meaning the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Truth!
Having said that I, and I am sure you, have some opinions about those that did not come and visit the family matriarch, that I will not voice, and they are not pleasant.
But. My guy and I let the extended family know that our house would be “the place” for family to drop in on Christmas Day and see his 83-y.o. mother. A.K.A their mother, MIL, grandmother or great-grandmother.
[She’s a pretty zippy 83-y.o., BTW. Has a bad hip and doesn’t drive, but everything above the ears is firing on all cylinders. She’s a much better conversationalist than most people her age - and a lot of people who are half her age. She does not live with us. She & the daughter she lives with planned to spend Christmas at our house. So we opened the invitation to everyone. Easy peasy.]
Make it convenient for everyone. No pressure. Come as you are.
NO-SHOWS. Every last one of them. Even though they said “yes” during the flurry of calls texts before Christmas.
Awkward and embarrassing. Even tho my guy and I did nothing wrong.
Some context on this crap-out guest list: Two of the households are 10 miles away. One household is 5 miles away. The other household is 5 blocks away.
Sure sure, no expectations. That’s the modern-day advice. I really try to follow it.
But I’m not sure our 83-y.o. matriarch got the memo. 😐
I was the one who braved the stores looking for gifts, stressing out what to get each person. I was the one who wrapped the gifts but first I had to go out and get the wrapping paper and bows. I was the one who bundled the gifts to stand in line at the post office.
I was the one who baked the holiday cookies thus giving bags of cookies to all the relatives we visited on our trip back to visit both sides of the family. That was tray after tray after tray of cookies made from scratch.
I was the one who decorated the house for the Christmas season. Hubby's job was to go out and buy a Christmas tree off a lot and bring it home for me to decorate.
Then hubby wondered why I was so darn tired on Christmas Day. I was just so relieved when Christmas was finally over.... oh wait, I still had to take down the Christmas tree and the house decorations.
And write out thank you notes [this was before one could text a thank you].
Things are a BIT different...
Be kind to yourself, to others and walk the walk of love.
Jane
a) It actually has pagan origins, so it isn't what people assume it to be (i.e., all the "reason for the season" hype).
b) The Bible doesn't command us to celebrate it, and in fact one of the Gospels doesn't even include this time of Christ's life or birth.
c) It is overcommercialized, as everyone knows. As a friend says, it's the "ultimate celebration of retail capitalism".
d) I believe my biggest frustration with it is that the commercial aspect goes on for several months. I've even seen some signs of it at the end of September.
Sanata...God..the church?? All kind of scary to me . I am kidding here, kind of, but just think of what that does to the minds of kids. When my mother told me that the tooth fairy and santa are not real, i lost complete faith in her. She had been lying to me all of my young life and i felt shattered. The easter bunny too. My parents did such a great job at all of that stuff for us girls. It was magical.
I am an agnostic, and not ashamed to say so. But, the one good thing about the holidays is that we can all go out of our way, and try to lift the spirits of others.
It gives us an excuse to care more and to meet up with family, if we so desire. I feel very against forced meetings and forced giving. Chopping down trees for 5 days is a sin to me. The junk that we buy is insane and ruining our planet. We must take back our world and stopping the constant making of and buying basically garbage that we do not need, is where to begin. I say-boycott buying anything at this holiday and just help others in need with food and loving warmth. Go to an animal shelter and help out. Adopt a dog or cat.
I am glad that some good happens over this period, and some people care for those less fortunate, that is wonderful, but is this a feeling that we should only foster once a year? Some say that it is a celebration of Jesus's birthday, well, I now know that that is far from true, it is nowhere in the bible and God say's that we should not add to, or take away from, his word, so that for me, actually makes it a sin. Some say, well, it's nice to get together with family and friends and show love and goodwill - again, do you only do this on one day of the year?
I've realised that I don't need someone telling me what I have to do on one particular day of the year to show me that I need to have a good heart and be kind and helpful to others. I am extremely happy with absolutely no christmas in my life, and anyone else can be too.
Every year i save about $ 5-10 a month and buy some gifts for people who are alone. I find them thru lower income housing or rental units. I give them to agents to take so i can remain anonymous.
During festivities i can think about those people who are forgotten at christmas.
”everyone” thinks of kids but i like to think of lonely adults.
Because I was a juvenile, I HAD to go to her house for Christmas. She was a drunk, a Narcissist and a bully.
As an adult, living now just a few hours away, I went to her house every Christmas, but hated it. It wasn’t until she was riddled with dementia that I didn’t feel intimidated by her anymore.
She passed in August and we just got her ashes back last month. We buried her in November.
I don’t have any family left, except my estranged thieving sister. I wasn’t invited to her house and wouldn’t go anyway.
Church at midnight to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas, a frozen pizza, a glass of vino, and a nice bubble bath. I bought myself a 23 and Me kit to see if I can find some extended family. That will be exciting waiting for the results. Wish me luck. It’s lonely and depressing and I feel I have no place to fit in now that everyone is gone.
I know that’s not sound advice, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone with your feelings.
Peace and Gods blessings.
The facts are fearsome, and the feelings feel like facts but they aren't. Feelings aren't facts. But, the self pity, anger, resentments, loss of desire to move ahead, is all on me, and is all my own doing. Self medication with booze, or food, or whatever is harmful, is not the answer. I go for long walks, i do the gym, i sit and stare at the uplifting youtube animal videos till i am crying tears of joy.
People will come.