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I constantly feel guilty that I am driving my hub crazy as I vascilate between decisions, take our vacation to do things for Mom, and fill in for an "absentee" sib. It borders on obsessive at times. I fear that one day he will run out of patience - but he never does. And I appreciate it immensely.
Did it occur to you that your hub feels that way about you? Someday this will all be over and I guarantee that you two will feel that you did the right thing. Does knowing that make things easier now? Not so much. But doing the humane thing is its own reward.
This does not mean that you need to always put the needs of his dad before your marriage...in fact, I would not recommend it. Boundaries need to be agreed upon. Dad needs to be moved closer. His care needs to be handed over to the professionals who will keep him safe and give you guys a break.
Good luck to you two...just keep the lines of communication open.
Educate yourself about dementia and you will understand more about your husbands stress while being away from him .
I know it is hard on you too. But Alz/dementia is one ugly disease and is very time consuming for the caregiver.
Can he be moved to a facility closer to you and your husband? Can your husband hire someone to be there with him? Try talking with your husband about more workable options. But amy, your husband is watching the dad he knew become someone he does not recognize. Please join us on this sight and keep posting. You do not have to be a caregiver to seek help with understanding the disease. Let us know what happens I wish you luck and good communication with your husband... hugs
Your husband sounds like a wonderful loving man, and you sound like a wonderful loving woman....ya'll will work together and this will be a blessed marriage.
Post about anything you need help with, understanding the disease, how siblings are worthless, and what to do when your husband and you are stressed. This is the place... You can go to the "grossed out" thread and read a lot of things that may help you. We have a lot of fun on that thread, and you become like family... and you are not alone..... hugs across the miles..
My situation is this -- If I continue to take care of Mom, then I'm a "momma's boy" of a loser with no income -- However, if I leave and go get a job, and a life, then I'm an ungrateful low-life jerk! Because, after all, what kind of man walks out on his helpless, 82-year old mother?
It's almost a double standard.
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