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DO NOT allow this behavior of your father to continue. You need to notify the assisted-living facility of your father’s behavior, and you should cease all visits to see him. Let the facility know that you will not be visiting him any longer because of what he did to you but that you will only be making phone calls to him and to the facility to check in on him. Your father is a danger to you, and he has the propensity of doing the same thing to the other residents and staff so the facility must be notified of his sexual inclinations.
It ended up, that the guy had rickets or something. Staff and residents had to be treated, and he was removed from the unit.
If it is dementia, understanding more about it can help.
**But this does not mean you put up with innappropriate behaviour***
You assertively say "No" everytime you need to.
If Dad has inapprpriate sexual behaviours, please inform & discuss with his Doctor. Also discuss with his Aged Care Management Team. Ask if this behaviour has been noticed to others. They can make a behavior plan to increase safety of other residents & staff.
"..expects me there almost daily".
This is a separate issue.
His expectations are not commandments you must obey.
Think about what the right frequency & type of visit for you?
In person? Or phone only? Maybe video calls assisted by staff. Or not at all until you feel more comfortable.
He is EITHER too ill to know or care if you are there or NOT
OR
He isn't nearly ill ENOUGH and is PURPOSELY doing this.
In either case I cannot honestly imagine why, for one second you would EVER consider visiting him.
He is in assisted living no reason to visit him everyday, stop letting him control you.
You are not a child, do what is best for you.
Time to get some boundaries in place and stick to them.
If I were you, I wouldn’t go back. This has been going on for a long time, and no matter what he “expects,” you have no obligation to array yourself in front of him like bait on a hook. It is absolutely not your fault that he’s assaulting you, but as long as you’re there, he’s going to see you that way. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s also certain that you won’t stop it because you’ve tried but continue to be available.
I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this.
There is no reason to give your father the benefit of any doubt. This stuff does happen.
I would tell him that if he does anything like that again you will immediately leave, no good bye, just grab your things and leave.
And do not return ... I bet you are wondering for how long. That is up to you. If you do decide to go back for a VISIT do not go alone, if he repeats his advances then absolutely no contact. I would not expect any victim of abuse to visit their abuser.
You mention childhood molestation and rape. All the above goes out the window if your father was the one to abuse you. If he was then do not return.
He is in ASSISTED living there are people that get paid to do the things he needs..no wants.. you to do.
When / If you return to visit do not help him you are there to VISIT.
You need to take care of your mental health do not do anything that makes you feel angry or disgusted. PTSD is not just for people that have seen combat.
I do hope that you have talked to a therapist and I encourage you to do so again or start if you have not seen one before.
I am wondering if he has tried to do this with staff or any residents.
(((Hugs))).
You can hire someone to interface with dad or request a higher level service at his ALF. If he has dementia, the dementia will progress and this possibly become a non issue in the future but no need for you to see him. Especially alone. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.