By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
You can hire someone to interface with dad or request a higher level service at his ALF. If he has dementia, the dementia will progress and this possibly become a non issue in the future but no need for you to see him. Especially alone. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.
(((Hugs))).
I would tell him that if he does anything like that again you will immediately leave, no good bye, just grab your things and leave.
And do not return ... I bet you are wondering for how long. That is up to you. If you do decide to go back for a VISIT do not go alone, if he repeats his advances then absolutely no contact. I would not expect any victim of abuse to visit their abuser.
You mention childhood molestation and rape. All the above goes out the window if your father was the one to abuse you. If he was then do not return.
He is in ASSISTED living there are people that get paid to do the things he needs..no wants.. you to do.
When / If you return to visit do not help him you are there to VISIT.
You need to take care of your mental health do not do anything that makes you feel angry or disgusted. PTSD is not just for people that have seen combat.
I do hope that you have talked to a therapist and I encourage you to do so again or start if you have not seen one before.
I am wondering if he has tried to do this with staff or any residents.
If I were you, I wouldn’t go back. This has been going on for a long time, and no matter what he “expects,” you have no obligation to array yourself in front of him like bait on a hook. It is absolutely not your fault that he’s assaulting you, but as long as you’re there, he’s going to see you that way. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He’s also certain that you won’t stop it because you’ve tried but continue to be available.
I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this.
There is no reason to give your father the benefit of any doubt. This stuff does happen.
He is in assisted living no reason to visit him everyday, stop letting him control you.
You are not a child, do what is best for you.
Time to get some boundaries in place and stick to them.
He is EITHER too ill to know or care if you are there or NOT
OR
He isn't nearly ill ENOUGH and is PURPOSELY doing this.
In either case I cannot honestly imagine why, for one second you would EVER consider visiting him.
If it is dementia, understanding more about it can help.
**But this does not mean you put up with innappropriate behaviour***
You assertively say "No" everytime you need to.
If Dad has inapprpriate sexual behaviours, please inform & discuss with his Doctor. Also discuss with his Aged Care Management Team. Ask if this behaviour has been noticed to others. They can make a behavior plan to increase safety of other residents & staff.
"..expects me there almost daily".
This is a separate issue.
His expectations are not commandments you must obey.
Think about what the right frequency & type of visit for you?
In person? Or phone only? Maybe video calls assisted by staff. Or not at all until you feel more comfortable.
DO NOT allow this behavior of your father to continue. You need to notify the assisted-living facility of your father’s behavior, and you should cease all visits to see him. Let the facility know that you will not be visiting him any longer because of what he did to you but that you will only be making phone calls to him and to the facility to check in on him. Your father is a danger to you, and he has the propensity of doing the same thing to the other residents and staff so the facility must be notified of his sexual inclinations.
It ended up, that the guy had rickets or something. Staff and residents had to be treated, and he was removed from the unit.