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Meds are not the enemy. They’ve saved lives, mine included.
If you are not prepared to change you environment, then medication will be of limited use. And that is when addiction can come into play.
You have to figure out what you can do to limit YOUR exposure to the toxicity in your life. You may want to write out a real question instead of a 'header' and explain what's going on in your life that you need advice about. Many of us here are in the same boat and happy to help.
6 phone calls a week + window visit sounds good to me like Lealonnie! Once restrictions end, once a week for a cuppa?
Or do you live with Mother? 24 loooong hours a day?
Also, what's the expected timeframe? Sheltering in place together until other arrangements become availble? Or the start of a caregiving journey lasting 2 decades to the horizon?
Sorry to pepper you with questions 🤗 the space is here if you feel more venting would help.
Anyway, she yelled at me and I yelled back. It only lasted a minute and I said ok, snail mail it is. You took care of it already. She hung up on me. That was 4:00pm.
She called back at 5pm in a picnic. I can’t breath she said and it’s YOURS FAULT!!! I said what did I do? She said you yelled at me an I am DYING!!! I said breathe. You are having a panic attack. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly. I called 911. By the time they got to her house they got on the phone and told me she was fine. She not going to the hospital. Yeah, not my fault I keep telling myself. But it wouldn’t hurt to have some anxiety meds for ME for NEXT time. *PANIC not picnic.*
Much more relaxing.
HIgh bp is very concerning (I have hypertension and take meds to control it). It can cause much damage if uncontrolled. Have you had therapy during the years of being your mother's caregiver? Taken any meds for depression? (If not, why not?)
I don't think therapy and meds to be the be-all and end-all in all situations, though. On this board we read of therapist advice which never seems to be able to do what to-the-point posters can do here. As others have posted, it is the situation that is toxic to you. And no amount of meds is going to change that.
So tell us more...how long has your mother lived with you? How did she come to live with you? (Or is it you who lives with her?) Are there siblings? What is your mother's financial situation? She obviously needs fulltime supervision. Why not a facility? Haven't you done enough?
Sure, anxiety meds could help short-term, but from what you've written you need a LOT more than that -- you need to reclaim your life!
You do not want to medicate yourself or dumb down a natural bodily response, but instead, listen to the danger signals, and remove yourself from the situation.
You choose.
Get more ill, or leave.
There is no guilt for needing to take medications.
Start by writing down what types of care your mom requires - be specific - and her usual schedule. Then mark those tasks that are easy for you to accomplish. Look at the remainder of tasks. Who can do these (besides yourself)? Family? Friends? members of your faith community? Paid help? Ask from help from each group until you have all the tasks covered.
If taking care of your LO has gotten to the point that any task seems daunting, it may be time for a change. Consider respite for a week to a month in a residential facility. If that doesn't help, you may have reached the point where she needs to reside full time in a residential facility.
Please consider seeing a doctor to care for your own needs. Start with your primary care doctor for your physical needs. Explain current difficulties with coping so you can get a consult to see a psychiatrist. He or she can address your overall mental health and suggest various therapies. BTW, treating mental health is not an overnight "fix". I have a daughter with anxiety and seasonal affective disorder (a seasonal form of depression). It took 2 years of trying various medications and therapies to find what works for her. She isn't perfect but handles life much better now.
A study showed that lavender oil and ativan had same effects on the groups who took one or the other. Results were the same... Yes, ativan helps me when I feel too stressed . Tomorrow, I am going to cut some of my lavender plant, and steep it, boil it, drink it... Not sure, but I think I may try to make myself less stressed... Plus it's basically free. That stuff grows almost as good as weeds...
My friend gave me some fresh peppermint sun tea. She took her dried peppermint, threw it into a jar, and let the sun do the rest. It was so good and refreshing.. I think I will try to grow peppermint.
I think Taarna has some great advice looking at the bigger picture.
Is it that you want to keep going but need more help to do it?
Or is it time for a while new plan?
If it's you, you shouldn't take drugs yourself to be able to help someone else.
Is Mom living with you? Does she have a Dementia?
I think you need tools to learn how to sort of block her out. Boundries for another. Really, I don't think medicating your self will help.
If they really get on your last nerve, you must learn to walk away and regroup. There were times my mom got on my last nerve, but she could not help it and at all times I was always thankful I had a mom. I love my mom more than my own life, so I did whatever it took to take care of her.
When she died, I felt destroyed and I'm still trying to recover from her death and it's been almost a year ago.
do you have a relationship with the Lord? I pray the Lord’s love and peace with fill you.