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And now with a court order almost two months ago to pay me a specific amount and still not been paid a dime! Just do not get it at all! I would also have your grace if I was set financially for retirement, which is nowhere near where I should or could be.
Or is she so angry at Mom's limited guardian, that makes emergency medical and residential decisions and has determined that Mom is to remain at home as long as I provide her care? Anytime during my first two years here sis could have moved Mom any time she wanted and never did. Free care is better for sissies in the long run.
At the very least you should bill her estate for your years of care. And I think you would be able to put a care agreement in place if there were a geriatric evaluation by a care manager then negotiation about being paid. You are so fortunate you have the POA's!
I too deal with the hate from my twisted sisters. Both live in the area. One has POA, and I have cared for Mom 24/7 for nearly three years and not been paid a dime! And my mom has resources that thentwisted ones want when Mom passes. Instead of putting a care agreement together three years ago TS's decided to fight in court. Probably ends up costing mom in the area of 100k, money that my sibs have willingly admitted Mom would rather go to a family member. My retirement account is nearly gone, I had a fire at my house in August, and don't know if I will be able to rebuild or not because insurance may not cover all of it. And a very close friend that was caring for my house and cats, was slightly injured in the fire, passed away two months ago. And TS's still take the hard line against me. It has been one he!! Of a year, I will be glad to get it over! And at court hearing two months ago, POA was ordered to pay the professionals and me a pittance each month. Nobody has been paid. Then sib tried to delay payment because of a motion I made for clarification on how much back pay I am to get. So, it can get really ugly, but my POA sis won't even reimburse me for money I spent. You were very kind to your brother to loan him the money. And I provide the care and cannot even get reimbursements! Would you be my sis POA?
Twelve years ago my marriage of 33 years ended. I moved to another city, found a job and began picking up the pieces of my life. I lived there for almost seven years before returning to my home geographic area. Mom and Dad each had major health issues and I knew the inevitable was coming sooner than later. Let me interject here that I am an only child. I found a good job here, purchased a small fixer upper, and prepared to settle down for the rest of my days near my children and soon to be grandchildren. I know God has a warped sense of humor because two days after the moving truck delivered my household goods to my new cottage my mother called me about midnight one evening and said my father had fallen out of the bed, could not get up, and there was something wrong with him. Their home was about five miles from mine. I tore into some jeans and a shirt and flew to their house. Dad was indeed on the floor and mom was just sitting on the side of the bed crying and wringing her hands. She had not dialed 911 or called either of my sons or even covered him up. I knew immediately that dad had suffered a large stroke and that he was terrified.
That is the background for my current life. Dad only lived three days after that. We have a working cattle and grain farm so many things had to be done on the farm as well as with mom. The farm was the easy part. I am blessed with two sons that idolized their grandfather and had spent as much time as possible with him so they were well equipped with the necessary knowledge to take over the farm operation. Thankfully they had both completed their college educations by then and were gainfully employed.
Fast forward to 2014: I have to say I am another caregiver that loves her mother but just does not like her. She began to fall a lot in the year after Daddy died and it quickly became apparent that she was unable to safely live alone. So what do I do???? She moved into my house with me.....and my life as I'd known it was gone. She has been with me for five years. (remember, I'm an only child) I have no life, no close friends, no freedom, and according to her no brain at all. She berates me almost daily that I am divorced from the man she thought was the best choice for me in 1967. She has even accused me of being the reason that Dad died. According to her it was the disgrace of the divorce, etc. etc. I feel as though I'm living in her soap opera. She is one of the most controlling and mean spirited people I ever had to deal with in my life. I was a military wife for 33 years, moved my family across the globe alone, bought and sold homes, and raised two wonderful sons. Even the darkest and loneliest times of my life never came close to what I am now living. I write all of this down, and then I read it.....the guilt rolls in, and I feel completely alone. How do the rest of you cope with the life change and the isolation from the rest of the world? I never felt one bit of Holiday spirit. I decorated sparsely, brought gifts for my three granddaughters, took Mom and we spent Christmas day with my family. I didn't want to return home. I've been so depressed since .... She's back in her sitting room, shrieking at me and enjoying her misery. I don't know what to do. I can't cope like this much longer. I have developed major health issues: fibromyalgia, and diabetes which my physicians tell me have probably been brought on by stress.
I was having a glass of wine while trying to enjoy the small tree I did put up but I have no feeling at all. My beautiful six year old granddaughter said to me today, "Nano, you don't smile anymore!" I suppose that says it all.
I pray for a brighter new year.....for each and everyone of us. Happy New Year, fellow care-givers.
"Nothing is stirring, not even a mouse" ... all the critters are sleeping and I guess I should get to bed but I haven't been sleeping well the past week. I don't have the Christmas spirit but I'm not sad or lonely either, just seeming to trudge through each day until the start of a new year. In the past couple of days a friend lost her mother and another friend lost her beloved old dog.
I've prepared the trimmings, I'll roast the turkey and continue painting the bathroom. For so many Christmas is just a time to get past the best we can.