By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I feel like the house is overwhelmingly cluttered and dirty (it's really not, but I feel like it is), and that's not helping. I want to cook, bake, etc - but having 3 days worth of dishes in the sink because I haven't had time to wash them is preventing that. Working 60+ hours a week and caring for an elderly loved one can do that to you. So before I can even get to the "fun" part of baking and cooking, I have to hand-wash all those dishes. Our family party was 10 days ago, and I still have totes sitting around waiting to be put away. I had a burst of energy for ONE DAY and managed to get some things done, but then it was right back to no time, no energy, no desire to do it.
Ugh. I'm sorry Jess, that was just depressing. I guess I'm just trying to say I understand and can commiserate. I hope we can both find some happiness and joy this season. I'm going to try to kick my butt out of the doldrums (again!) this weekend and do some present wrapping and baking, so I can enjoy my time with the g'kids Sunday. I wish we lived closer to each other - we could help each other out and have a cookie baking marathon. LOL
If it's not depression and it is being sad, then I do empathize with you. It's a lot to care for a loved one with dementia. It's the most challenging thing I think I've ever seen. Have you thought about getting some help in caring for your mom? Sometimes getting out from under the stress and pressure, even for a short break can you give you a fresh start. There is advice here for respite help.
My loved one is living in a Memory Care unit, but I do feel sad for her. Especially, when I think of the things she might be doing if she didn't have dementia. I attended their Christmas party this week and noticed that many of the residents still enjoyed the traditional Christmas songs. Some even knew most of the words! They laughed at the dancing and jokes from Santa too. They seemed to love the treats Santa brought. I'm not sure what they were thinking, but it seemed like a happy time. I know it was a blessing to me. Somehow it took away the sadness of seeing her condition. She was laughing and very excited over the necklace I gave her that had Christmas ornaments that lit up. She was also thrilled over the stuffed reindeer and elf I gave her. It's little things like that that can make Christmas time special to me.
Giving to others has always brought me pleasure. Maybe by giving back, you can get some as well. I'm not sure of your financial situation, but if money is not tight, giving to a charity or soup kitchen is always appreciated. It would truly brighten someones day to get a little unexpected cash or food coupon.
You are doing the right thing by coming here. There are so many great people who can support you and help you see things more clearly. And if you need more, there are hot lines to call. I hope you find some happiness this Christmas. Take care.
My mom is getting Christmas letters (that I foolishly read) from relatives and acquaintances about "we went here and we went there and then we did this with this part of the family and that with that part of the family oh and we took this fabulous vacation here and we have 20 people coming for our holiday feast." I told my mom if I wrote a Christmas letter, it would read, "I played pickleball and took care of my mom." Of course there are a few more things in my year, but no trips, no fabulous get-togethers with kids and grandkids or hubby's family. No future plans either.
I've been out of commission for the past week with a horrible tooth abscess. I had it pulled on Tuesday. My mom can't remember any of that. I went this morning to shower her and she said she was too tired. I left and felt like walking away for a week. It just felt like too much. I had to use all of MY strength just to make myself go over there to help her and then she said no. I feel better now, but it really set me back.
So you are NOT alone. I will be VERY happy when it's January 2nd. This happens every year, but at least I am aware of it and have developed ways to cope (my friend being one). Hugs to all of us who are feeling down during this "joyous" time.
I too will be glad when it's Jan 2nd. I don't feel sad nor happy. Lately I just feel nothing but numbness. There's a gorgeous tree 5 feet from her chair and I don't think she even notices it. Bought her a popcorn tin... that will be about it, oh and a lightweight transfer chair. Not cooking either. Why spend a fortune on stuff that she won't enjoy? I will order a Papa Murphy's Take N Bake. She loves pizza and if she's happy with it, so am I.
Don't you just love those energy spurts Susan? Haha... takes ages to recover from ONE day of energy.
blannie, I felt better just reading that you got that bad tooth out. There's little worse than an abscessed tooth. It brought back painful memories of the one I had. It hurt so bad that I spent the first night in the bathroom lying on the floor, throwing up with the pain. What a relief the antibiotics and endodontist were!
Sunny, it isn't clinical depression. I did think about this. I think what many of us go through is situational depression. We see others doing things like going to parties and getting married. Everyone seems so happy. Then we come home to a place that is barren of the things that people need to refresh their spirits. I think it takes an exceptional person not to be sad about it. I do envy the people who have good spouses to support them. It is hard to be alone going through this.
I figured I need to start exercising and get more sleep (currently on 5 1/2 hours sleep). Find a great funny book or maybe just watch a funny YouTube videos until I lighten up a bit.
But even being in a facility, it takes lots of time and energy. She's had numerous health issues, doctor appointments, etc. I can't imagine handling all of that by myself.
Do you ever lye awake and think of options? I do. There are none for me, because my cousin named me as her DPOA and HCPOA and she has no living family or friend who will do anything except for me. I just figure this must have meant to be a lesson I learn in life. Granted, I have learned so much from my experiences, but sometimes it is overwhelming. It's like my life is not my own anymore.
Something my cousin's roommate said to me the other day did make me smile. I took some gifts to the Memory Care facility where my cousin stays for her to give to some staff members and her roommate. Her roommate also has dementia. Physically, she seems fine, but there are definite issues. Although, I allowed my cousin to present the roommate the gift, she saw it was me who brought it in. She thanked me profusely, told me I was such a kind person and that if she could ever do anything for me, just let her know. I smiled. So sweet.
I don't have a big family, just my brother and his family and me and my daughter. My daughter is going to spend Christmas with her dad's family and when I talked to my brother about me going over there for Christmas he gave some weird story about how his FIL is going to be there and will be anxious about whether he should buy me a gift or not. I barely know his FIL and it sounded like a made up story but the gist is that I'm not invited to my brother's house for Christmas. This hurt me terribly. So I'm going to work on Christmas instead.
But like several of you, I too am depressed right now. More depressed than I care to let on to anyone. I feel like a loser who has nowhere to go on Christmas. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up Jan. 2nd.
We should have a virtual party on this site on Christmas day! No explanations required, just lots of good cheer and camaraderie from one caregiver to another. I'll bring the Diet Pepsi and Reeses' peanut butter cups. WOOHOO!
My mother would say, "I wish she'd sit down. She's making me nervous. I need another one of those pills," motioning toward her Ativan bottle.
Charlie, what kind of infection does your father have? Do they think he'll get his mobility back when it clears. Good thoughts coming your way this Christmas season. I hope you'll be able to spend time at rehab with your dad.
Had a great long distance chat with my eldest son last night who mentioned "first world" problems and that pretty well all of his problems are those. I have to say most of mine are too. I can eat, I have shelter, I am not in danger of being shot at, or catching Ebola. I have reasonable health, mother is being treated, and will be moved to a new facility where I trust they can manage her. A friend's mother said all her friends either had lost their minds or died. It happens to all of us one way or another, one time or another.
Christmas Eve I will have dinner will my daughter and grandkids. I will be alone on Christmas Day as G visits his kids and grandkids and they don't want me there, and that's OK. I am still thankful for him and that he has them to visit. The following week G and I will do our holiday thing.
I try to keep my focus on the reason for the season, count my blessings and be thankful.