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We have made the daily shower a "religious ritual" in the USA. I was an exchange student in Italy many years ago, and they said "you can smell an American from several feet away because of the soap of the daily bath." I grew up on a farm with no bath or running water, so sponge bathing and daily clean clothes was our custom. I later had a daily shower during the years when I lived in a college dorm and then when I worked. I am now a healthy 80-year old woman and for the past ten years or so, I have taken a warm sponge bath every morning without soap (because of dry skin). I put on clean clothes at least once daily, sometimes more depending on activities. I get into the shower to shampoo my hair (which is long and also dry) about once every ten days and use a little soap on my skin then. I would be less than thrilled to have anyone try to resume the daily shower bath ritual with me no matter how well-intentioned they may be!
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How do you warm up the towels at bath time? Do you place dry towels in a clothes dryer?
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Pic, what do you mean when you say she has a "great mind"? My mom also still can philosophize (with limited speech due to aphasia) but she can't reason her way out of a paper bag.

Are you seeing dementia and not recognizing it as such?
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my mom is 79 and still has a great mind. will not listen when I tell her the problems with her skin is that she wont bathe. she wipes her bottom and under her arms with wipes. her skin is dried out--no moisture at all---wrinkly really bad. dead skin terribly. any suggestions?
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What you can do is keep the bathroom warm and inviting. If possible, try to keep her favorite hygienics handy in the bathroom. This is part of keeping the bathroom inviting. Another thing to do is to keep at least a space heater in the bathroom if you don't have ventilation there. That way, your mom won't be afraid of getting cold. Actually, the real reason why people get cold is lack of circulation and a healthy amount of body fat. What you can do is engage your mom in light exercises to encourage better bloodflow. Bloodflow contributes to keeping a person warm. If you have a place with a lot of space for recreation, whether it be indoor or out, you can start with some kind of activity involving one of those exercise balls. I saw this in a nursing home years ago when residents and their visitors were allowed to sit around in a circle while a big soft exercise ball was gently rolled around within the circle. There were a lot of people in that circle, and everyone had fun. This could get you started on ideas for fun and light exercise. You may also get your mom into physical therapy to get her moving so her body does not get stiff. If she's afraid of falling, she may already have balance issues due to lack of physical activity. Combine balance issues with stiffness and you've got a real problem that will cause falling. This is why I think physical activity would be very helpful for her. Getting her involved with some kind of physical activity will definitely help her regain her confidence, and you'd be surprised what kind of improvements you start noticing
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My mother have not bath in probably a year. She wash up every morning and rub alcohol around her neck, arms, and legs. So far I have been blessed that their are no skin problems and no smell. As for her hair I keep it cut bald because it cute on her and plus it's so thin that it's not enough to comb. But she has a fear of failing and I have to accept that fear that she has. But I try and take a trip once during the year and the hotel has walk in shower works every time.
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Sponge baths are ok. My 100 year old mother hasn't showered in 3-4 years. She used to bathe in the sink. When she went to AL they tried to get her to shower but she wouldn't. They said as long as she doesn't smell they are not going to push it. It isn't ideal, but maybe you can help her with the sponge baths.
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Mom gets mostly sponge baths but an occasional shower. She is less resistant if I bath her as she sits on the toilet. She feels comfortable and doesn't have to climb into a tub and allows me better mobility with her than the bed but I know each person is different. That is where she feels comfortable. She stands and holds on when needed. She can still lean over some for a sink hair wash. I use a cup to pour water over her hair. She feels better when it is done also occasionally. You know your and their limits. I would not do this if she was too unsteady or couldn't stand some. Some would argue with this, but she doesn't have skin problems, but I was told the occasional wiping under the arms with rubbing alcohol helps kill bacteria and cut any odors. We do not do this every day but when I get the occasional wiff of odor we will lightly rub on a damp washcloth (damp with water) and a little added alcohol. It they have any skin issues I'm not suggesting that......but it has been great for us. We all do what we can.
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Juju I think it is fine as long as she actually does "wash up" can you get her to go to the beauty shop once a week to get her hair washed.
if you can get her in the shower and wash her hair there or over the sink once a week that is probably fine as long as she has no skin problems. maybe even take her out for luch once a week after she has done the agreed shower.
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My situation is much like Shirley's. My Mom is 87 and gives me such hard time about getting a shower. She always says she is fine "washing up". Well, that may be okay here and there, but sometimes you do need to shower! I have tried scheduling it when we have to see the doctor. She usually gives in when I agree she doesn't need to wash her hair, and it seems like she is more congenial. However, she doesn't really understand why she must shower. I'm at my whits end with the bath thing.
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There's a business you can start, Cap "Bath Maids". Pretty girls who scrub down old men. Very lucrative. The Geisha House in Madison Wisconsin has been open 35 years.
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someone can practice on me if theyre 50 ish ,. cute looking female .
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Sponge baths can work even long term if that's all you can do. They make inflatable shampoo trays to do that in bed....the waterless stuff does a mediocre job. People can't smell themselves, typically. My hubby is not getting good hygiene due to fear of doing it independently and then procrastinating when I an able to help. But, he complained MY feet smell bad today. He has a long handle back scratcher and that's his current answer to the itch he is getting from avoiding getting normal hygiene for over a week at a time. We are 6 weeks out from hip,surgery and he worries constantly about every little twinge in his hip while I worry he will never walk more than the length of our short driveway or house again while I watch him gain weight and not redevelop his muscles. Sucks. F
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Rereading these responses....how does one sponge wash hair? Horrid scales and scalp conditions will result if the hair is not properly washed.
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I hope we all have shower benches. The elder can sit on the bench outside the tub or shower stall and shift into on the bench. This is hugely important to feel secure from a fall.
If an elder is not properly clean a UTI or skin problems will usually result. Adult Protective Services may also get involved. Understand that one can be prosecuted for negligence. Often APS does not care if the elder refuses and it becomes a catch 22 situation. Be very careful.
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Mom gets a sponge bath at the kitchen sink by an aid once a week. Stands up and holds onto the counter to clean her private parts. In between, I use baby wipes if she's incontinent during the night. From what I've read on here, mom's not alone in resisting showers . . . she gets cold, the water spray is irritating on her sensitive skin . . . it's like torture.

We've been sold that showering every day is a necessity. It's not. But it's a great way to use powders, lotions, shampoos, and body washes like crazy. Seniors aren't playing in mud puddles. They have very dry skin. Washing away the skin's natural oils every few days makes absolutely no sense.
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Wow, that's my mother! She's 99 and hasn't showered in a couple of years. She used to take sponge baths, but now doesn't even do that. She is physically capable of giving herself a shower. She lies about it, but the one and only soap has been on the sink for at least six months and never shrinks. Nothing we do or say can change it, she refuses, gets nasty, won't let an aide in either. She's so dehydrated she doesn't sweat so doesn't smell but her skin must be like aligator hide. Plans are to put her in assisted living soon and hope they can get somewhere. Its frustrating, but short of physically forcing her, there is nothing we can do!
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Juanita, bathtubs are difficult to step over. It's not just the bad knee, it's the possibility of slipping or falling inside the tub. This may sound strange, but does your bathroom have a drain in the floor? When my mom could no longer understand "lift your feet" so that she can enter our shower, dad and I 'showered' her in the middle of the bathroom. He held her hands to keep her still (she tends to walk, walk, walk - sundowning) while I poured water over her. We washed her this way. We had the bath chair but it was faster to shower her standing.

If you don't have a drain for the water to go down or a bath chair, how about having him sit on the toilet with the seat cover down? Then put lots of towels on the floor to soak up the water that you pour on him to 'shower' him.

If that is difficult to do, then we're down to using baby wipes and/or No Rinse Body Wash and No Rinse Shampoo or the No Rinse Shampoo Cap.

To avoid sores, it's important that he changes his clothes (sweat, wet, etc...) daily. If it's wet, change it. While changing it, do a quick wipe down with the wipes. FYI, I've read here on this site that some caregivers bathe their parent/spouse a few body parts at a time. Example, today, they will clean his toes, feet, and legs. Tomorrow, they will do his arms and/or chest. The next day, his back. The next day, shampoo.
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MY HUSBAND IS 79 and has a bad knee he won't get into the bathtub he shaves when I tell him he needs to but other wise he don;t Iam woried his body will start having sores because
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Scabies is extremely contagious, but you can't develop it just from not washing - it's caused by microscopic mites under the skin which transfer from person to person, or (rarely) from animal to human (in an animal, it's called mange), so there would have to be direct contact with an infected person for your elderly relative to catch it. And you can't miss it: it causes intense itching on the buttocks and arms, nothing to see except for the scratched skin. It's like nothing else. It's very easily treatable too, with a lotion you slap on all over then wash off after the prescribed time, so don't panic if you suspect it. Deal with it promptly, treat everyone in your household and inform anyone who's had direct skin-to-skin contact with infected people.

Vets and pharmacists might find it very funny when they explain to a mother of three small children that the entire family should have avoided cuddling their new rescue puppy, but I have to say I did not. Not at the time, anyway.
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Many parents of both sexes do not like their children to see them naked.
Dwalker I would question your caregiving abilities if the woman you are caring for is in the state you describe.
No one infant or elderly needs a daily bath as long as any soiled areas are kept clean.
A sponge bath is fine for anyone BUT the room as to be warm and the towels also need to be warmed before use. A few minutes in the dry is fine. the rule is to only expose the part you are actually washing and dry immediately, ie one arm at a time then dry and cover with one of those warm towels. protect the privacy at all times if this is a concern. Wash the genitals under a towel and if the patient can manage have them wash those and their face themselves. Also have warm clean clothes ready to put on. Make sure the bed is clean and warm after taking a shower or bath. These are small things but it will help a lot with compliance.
For the person who won't agree to a hair cut I would be tempted to take the scissors to it myself preferably with help. I would not do this as a paid caregiver but family members can take some liberties.
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My mother will make every excuse under the sun why she is not ready to take a shower, and frankly she smells and it smells up my house and that is not right. She could at least have the decency to take a sponge bath! Now her room smells, and of course she cannot smell that either. I need to find a way to encourage her to bathe because not only is it a health issue, it is also something that makes her feel a ton better, so refreshed and completely happy. So why the dragging of the feet? I also tried to coax her into getting her hair cut, and she won't, so she looks sloppy daily
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My Mom did the same thing when she was in my care, excuses, excuses, excuses, but she agreed to sponge bathing. She agreed to shower if I would stay in the bathroom with her but I wasn't allowed to look or help or say anything. When she went into the NH she bragged about how her showers were really nice "All I do is stand and the girls wash me it's so nice." LOL I think she was embarrassed about me seeing her. Then again nothing I do for her care is/was easy for me but anyone else could talk her into just about anything.
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Keep a towel or a t-shirt on the person being bathed...just like you would do when you bathe a baby. The fabric keeps the cold drafty air off of the skin. Remember: when skin is wet, the air feels cold, even in a warm room. Use your imagination! Have someone give y-o-u a bath. Then re-evaluate how you go about bathing the person you're caring for.
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No one needs a daily bath, for goodness sake. esp. when activity is low. You are all being cruel without realizing it.
ANd the 90 year old mother who says she is cold is cold! So stop torturing her. Unless the person has soiled their clothes, there is no reason ---except in perfectly trained consumer land---Why an elderly person or anyone else needs a daily bath

Unless
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She has a rash under both legs and they are bumpy
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My mil swears she no longer 'has an odor' which means her sniffer is gone. I know the 'old' W would be mortified if she thought she wasn't clean, so at first, it was enough to say, 'W, you need a sit-down bath'. Her eyes would widen and she'd get the picture and took care of it, either with the heated disposable wipes or a small dishpan of warm, soapy water. She's in rehab now and they bathe her daily which she still argues that she doesn't need, but they don't give her a choice - at least it's working at the moment

dwalker48, I had an old aunt that didn't clean herself much that got scabies in the last month or so before she died. I think they're contagious but not sure. So, yes, you need to help get her bathed somehow....maybe others have some ideas for you.
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The women i take care of hasnt taken a shower in a year!And uses baby wipes to clean herself,she says.She smells bad and is starting to get rashes and itches alot,can she give me something or get really ill?
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Probably having a schedule is the best way to go.
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My situation is much like Shirley.My mother is 92. We have a walk in shower . I now
get in with her. Than I apply cream every where.I wash her hair every two weeks.
The rest of the week I use the disable wash cloths.i can pit them in the microwave.
She is always so cold.It works for us.
.
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