By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
thank you so much for your comments. i feel they were extremely helpful. i am trying to find the strength, i am working on finding obtaining some backbone. it is so hard when it is your mother. i think some of it is i am an only child and my parent divorced when i was 7 & mom remarried. i feel alone and guess she is the last little bit i have and am afraid to stand up to her. but this is no way to live with like you say her "bullying me" i need to speak up and say you can't just call me and complain about everything-she is so negative. i have to dig myself out to try to feel happy. i am always crying after i get off the phone with her and if i haven't spoken to her i worry about her. she told me she was re-writing her will when she was upset with me, so i guess i am going to be out and my kids will get all of her estate (she doesn't have alot just a modest house paid for and some money in the bank). i guess my mother feels she can try to keep hurting me-nothing like the love a special mother! i don't feel i should just sell my soul for these remarks. how awful!!
sorry to keep going on----
thanks again for all your insight!!!!
My mother has been draining the life out of me and my marriage now for over 3 years. it has put a real strain on me, my husband, our finances, etc. I now live in a prison called home, I am unable to go anywhere or do anything but take care of My Mother.
Don't get me wrong, its not about loving my mother, I Do love her very much ( I wouldn't be able to do what I've done if I didn't) Just remember, though, Once you start it.. its hard to undo. perhaps had I known then what I know now, I wouldn't be in this position.
just a thought.
If your mom said you're "bad and selfish" for not taking her in, that's just a guilt trip she's sending you on. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a relatively happy, normal life with your husband and children. Needy people equal entrapment, so don't do it! But It it makes you feel better, let her stay overnight once every other month and visit during the Holidays. Be candid about it, but don't negotiate.
When my dad was at home, he would call me every few minutes - lived minutes away, mind you... forgetting he'd call, demanding something. He doesn't have a phone at the nursing home so that has stopped despite some wanting him to have a cell - something else for him to keep up with.
He is taken care of... I couldn't do it. He is critical and so negative. You are an only child I see so I can't imagine... I am the only daughter and here so I can relate very little. At least you don't have the critical eye of siblings. That can be more trouble than it's worth.
Praying for you today... !
she is not happy with doctors, we talk and i make appointments for her, change my work schedule and she said how about the other doctor and i don't want to do it anymore. how about she wants to look for a dog, and she buys the items and looks to pick it up over the weekend after i go with her to look at the dog, (this is about the 5th dog she has wanted, i am embarrassed to go in to the pet shop again). i ask her to go to dinner, she says its too crowded and we go to the mall-which is fine. i can't do it anymore. she is unhappy with her life she told me i have it better than her and everyone in her family has it better than her and she is the only one who has to work when she is sick. she is worried about finances but i can't make these major decisions for her..an attorney told her she needed a therapist, the pharmacist said to me,she either comes in crying or screaming. this is not me, i am seeing a therapist because my mom won't and she said i need to stop trying to make my mom happy. she doesn't want to be happy. and now the therapist is going to help me, see i am an only child and my mothers family is not local. she keeps saying she has no one to help her, no one to take care of her. she is 62 y/o and able to work (did i mention she hates her job) but it is hard but what would she do at home if she doesn't socialize. i don't know what to do??? but yes you are right she is lonely and afraid of her future....but what am i suppost to do??
Taking on a parent with a family in place is very difficult especially if you don't have help.
of course you know you're not alone in thinking that way. I tried staying away from my mom when she was acting out and treating me like crap. That went on for years and I was so torn with trying to take care of her and trying to take care of myself and not get lost in her drama.
Well, I'm lost in her drama. She's on the other side of acting like a fool and she's just a sweet old lady with dementia now, but I'm still cleaning up her messes.
I figure I'm in it and that's it. Sometimes it feels pretty hopeless so don't feel bad for having the thoughts of an intelligent individual that resents being trapped.
Bobbie
If there is anything I've learned (the hard way) from the caregiving nightmare, it's that my mother will get over it, if I don't bend.
Trust me, your mother will get over it, if not, then you're better off. Once you get into caring for your mother, you begin to drown and lose all sense of whom you are. Your mother will see to it. The longer you're in, the harder it is to get out.
i just wish my mom saw it--
why do we seek approval from our moms so much!
you do not hear any whining sons??
lcg
I know you will be alright because you have a wonderful heart!
but i just can't go on like this crying anymore!
it is upsetting me and my children it isn't fair.....
but who says life is fair, right???
Nance and bobbie I'm with you.
I have to say I don't know how my sister and her family have lived in my moms home for so long, (16 yrs) I know I couldn't do it, and especially now I am grateful I have my own place to run and hide too.
I feel terrible about this but still I think about it--ok here it is !!!
Just don't go there anymore--forget about it.
I love my Mom , so why do I even think like that????
i called my uncle (my mom brother) i said mom is mad at me and he said why this time??
and i told him if he ever felt that i was not being fair or not taking care of my mom to let me know.
he completely understands and is very supportive of me!!
i just needed to hear it from my family because, when your mother tells you things it is very hard and hurtful and i would never treat my daughter this way>>
i love my mom but it has been hard when i was a young adult and now it seems to be the hardest.
i am going to continue working with the therapist she is nice and says that i have to stop trying to make my mom happy and she looks to me for my feelings....which is hard for me but i think she is going to be good for me!
thanks so much for listening.....my husband of course would probably thank you too!!!
My heart goes out to you because I know how difficult and crazy making this behavior is.
It's not you. Just know that. It's not you.
Tell your mom, 'Mom, it is not OK for you to talk to me like that.' and then back it up and disengage from the situation. You don't have to be upset, just disengage.
Good luck,
Bobbie