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As a fellow engineer I know you are or should be making more than $70k a year, you are 53, so you must be experienced. I assume you are Civil, I am EE, working in tech sales instead. Focus on your career, your earning potential is way above what you are spending your energy on. Let go, let dad have his girl, even if you do not care for her. Focus on your relationship with your husband, focus on your career. I have no idea what your rights, to this trust are, if you must pursue that do so at the expense of what is left of your relationship with your father....all for less than a year's engineering salary.
Allow yourself to let go of this, it is eating away at you....move on. Be happy.
I wish you luck.
As the beneficiary of the trust you are certainly entitled to a copy of the trust. I would suggest taking that copy to an attorney to assist you in interpreting the trust. If the trustee will not provide you with the copy, the attorney will be able to demand it for you.
The bottom line is that the trustee must follow the instructions in the trust. If they won't, the can be removed via litigation. Also, the person controlling the trust works for the trustee, not for the beneficiary. You will have to go to court to force your father to honor the trust.
The judge could even remove your father as trustee due to his health. Of course, taking your father to court is a sure-fire guarantee that you'll ruin your relationship with him, so this should be an act of last resort, but it would stop him using the trust part set aside for him on "stray" women.