By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Things are progressing here for our trip in June. My brother in law picked up a hospital bed from my son, and also a rocker recliner of my Mom's, so those are in place at my sister's home. My plans are to have my Mom's things packed, deliver her to my sister and then go to my granddaughter's or my son's home for the night and be ready for the Bridal shopping day. The next day return home, get my husband's and my packed bags and hit the road for the next three weeks! Plans, if all goes as planned, LOL.
My husband and I just returned from a wonderful night at a Beautiful Hotel, and Restaurant; awesome dinner with champagne , provided as a Mother's Day gift from my daughter-in law and son. Also included breakfast. They spent the night and took care of Mom. It was so wonderful to have such a special break.
Expecting my son and his wife and daughter today and my daughter and her husband we are going to grill, fish fry and relax. I am looking forward to this. Thanks for keeping in touch, so nice to get your updates. Have a Good ONE.
Things have calmed down the past few days. Mom seems to have accepted the situation even if she is a bit concerned. She's always been a worrier and the dementia just makes it worse. I keep telling her that I'm not the only one who loves her and can take care of her. She's like a little kid.
I also put a small deposit down to hold a space at the facility I went to last week for their new building which won't be ready till late fall. It is refundable should we not be ready for the room and her name goes back on the list. I met with the administrator of the place and I really liked her. I also met some of the residents who are at very similar stages of dementia as my mom. Just having a backup plan eases my stress. The break will help me get back to myself and think clearly so I can plan for when I get back.
Hope your Memorial Day weekend is fun. Appreciate your communications.
Our time on the road has been cut down, my sister can't take my Mom until after the 4th of June, and I my granddaughter will be shopping for her Wedding gown on June 5th and I am not going to miss that appointment with her. My husband is a little disappointed, but things happen. It will be good, just to get away.
I don't get a solid night's sleep either. I get up with my Mom at least once to assist her in the bathroom and sometimes she just calls out for me, due to a crazy dream she may have had and I just have to reassure her everything is okay. I confess, I use my TV to go back to sleep. I also enjoy a glass or two of red wine some nights. Depends if I am in the mood for it or not, also have a hot tub and it is helpful in relaxing before bedtime. Never, a full night's sleep.
Enjoy your Memorial Day weekend. Good to hear, your family is stepping in.
After being okay with it, my mother has been difficult and is driving me crazy. She is so paranoid and is making it all about her....turning into her mother. First she thought I was leaving forever and couldn't grasp the idea of a break. Thinks I don't love her and all kinds of craziness. Fortunately, we celebrated her birthday, the 19th, with some of her old friends which made her very happy but the day started terribly because she was distraught at the possibility of going to stay with my brother and sister-n-law for a week. They said it would be better to come here, which helped, but then my sister offered to come which is even better. Mom feels better with her. My patience is really gone and it's showing. I got away today and this evening which helps. We have a family gathering on Sunday which will be nice. I'm getting away Memorial Day weekend too and seeing my regular therapist, thank God she was able to see me on a Sat. I'm really glad family is stepping up and knowing I'm getting away soon is helping.
I am concerned about my sleep issues which continue to plague me. My dr. gave me a prescription antihistamine which should've knocked me out but it did nothing. Ambian can have serious side effects so I really don't want to take it all the time but right now it's the only thing that works and there have been times that it doesn't work if I take it too many nights in a row. I don't ever feel rested even if I sleep when I take it. I will continue to work with my dr. but am going to try a natural remedy that worked before, Kavinace. It's expensive but if it works again it will be worth it. I gave it to mom for many months and it worked well but now she doesn't need as much to sleep. I prefer using natural remedies. I've been to the dr. and taken more prescription drugs in the last year than the totality of my life!
Thanks for your support! Enjoy your time away!
Roxy177, I know, this is the dilemma, she can have these moments of clarity, especially when it comes to her kids wellbeing, (I am the 7th of 8 children, all still living) but then tonight while I was out, the caregiver said she was so upset, anxious, and confused about me being gone an extra 2 hours. She has always been highly intuitive with a strong emotional intelligence which is the one area of the brain not greatly affected by dementia.
She has been very sad and weepy since Mother's Day and when I ask her why sha says she doesn't know. I stayed away longer so she would be in bed by the time I came home but she was too upset and we ended up having another discussion in which I told her that things have to change because my health is declining. It's hard to describe how she is but I told her I'm trying to keep her in her home and things are going to change, more people coming in and I just need her to cooperate and trust that I won't leave her alone. It finally sunk in, for now. She gets so scared. She said she knew something wasn't right with me. I guess telling her made her feel better somehow. Maybe because she wants to help me and now she knows how, and will do anything to support me. She is always thinking of me. I'm not a mom, but I guess that's what mom's do. She's so focused on me, to the point of it being annoying, notices every little thing. I'm too tired to be her cheerleader anymore. She is naturally introverted and not social except with family, who don't come around much, except my oldest sister, who lives 3 hours away. She is coming Memorial Day weekend so I can take a couple nights respite.
I've rambled on a bit....had such a nice relaxing evening, then came home to stressville and got all amped up again. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming , just keep swimming,..... " as Dori sings.😀 Thanks! Love this group!
I sincerely hope you take the step. With conversation that you and your Mom has, I did want to ask if your Mom is ready for Memory Care???? Thanks
I had a little talk with my mom yesterday, planting some seeds, told her I was tired, worn out. She says she doesn't want to hurt me in any way, but didn't know what to do about it excepting dying so I could get on with my life. Always so nice when she makes comments like that, geez. She doesn't realize how painful that is to hear. She brought up going into a place and I could visit her but she said that would be when her mind is totally gone. It was a difficult conversation. At one point I realized that a big part of me feels like a failure, again, not being able to stick with something til the end. This is a pattern in my life. I have stayed with her for over 6 years but I thought I would be with her until her death but I just don't see how I can physically do that. The advice from everyone here is helping me look at the situation more objectively and be more self-honest. Last night when I couldn't sleep, again (I can only go to sleep with Ambian and refuse to take it every night) I tried to imagine my life with her in an assisted living facility and this helped. The not sleeping normally is so hard and I think I would be able to get back to sleeping normally because the hyper-vigilance would fade away. I feel so strange anymore, so out of it.
On Monday I am visiting an AL for memory care......one step at a time.
Now you have dared to contemplate all this, step back into your world with a new attitude fo "can deal, can do" - delegate as much as you can, ask others to help, and take time off (if others can sit with your mother); With a quieter mind and less guilt you will find the words. It will be less painful than you think. At the moment, there are too many black clouds in your own mental sky - time you chased them away. This is not being selfish, it is just taking care of the carer.
Will keep you in my prayers.
We don't always get to choose who we're gonna be or how we're gonna act when we get to that phase of life.
Either your mom has sold you a bill of goods, making you feel responsible for her happiness, or you've come up with this idea of making it all up to her on your own. Either way, it's not a clear-headed way to think.
You are not responsible for fixing your mom's past.
After a week of my mom having daily "emergencies" that caused me to have to leave work while she was living "independently" at home I said "Mom, I can't do this anymore". That was the conversation. And yes, my mother had a terrible childhood.
At 86 (Dad) and 89 (Mom)...Dad was in terrific shape, but Mom had ambulatory issues and the beginning stages of dementia. Without him, Mom would have gone straight to assisted living. Mom was eligible for in-home aides to come in a couple times of week to bathe her, check her vitals and help with PT. She could have received more services if she wanted them.
Maybe instead of sending mom somewhere, you both might look at a situation like my folks'. Move into something like that with her. You would be freed from a lot of house work and maintenance stuff,,,,Mom could get aides in to take over some of the hands-on you currently provide,,,,and either or both of you would be exposed to more social interaction. You could get some respite and still feel like you didn't let mom down.