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But evil prevails when good men and women do nothing. I think if all the people in the world who profess to love God did their share this world would definitely not be the horrible place that it's becoming. If you walk by a homeless person, tell them you will pray for them and then keep going that's not right. I remember my Hubs and I were on vacation in London and this homeless guy was sitting there with this big, beautiful husky dog. I ran over to pat the dog and then suddenly realized that here I was patting his dog and completely ignoring him. So, I went over to him and patted him on the back and said I guess you need a pat some time too. He got tears in his eyes and said yes.
It says in the bible "what you do to the least of my brethren, you do to me"
Sorry for preaching but if I didn't stick up for the side of God, I couldn't call myself a believer.
Aside from taking mom for an occasional ride, paying for her breakfast if we went out, or ONCE taking Mom to the doctor for me, there was no help, physical, emotional or financial. What I got from the one sibling was, "I'll pray for you." I wanted to scream back, "I don't WANT your prayers. What I NEED is your HELP!"
I put myself behind the 8 ball financially to take care of Mom, both at home and after she was in the nursing home. I paid almost a double share of her funeral bill, which was split 4 ways, because one sibling didn't/couldn't kick in more than $100 at the outset of the bill. So I paid almost a full double share on that. I bought Mom clothes, I took her on trips (only one of which was accompanied by a sibling who helped take care of mom on the trip - one diarrhea mess and I knew she wouldn't be helping again), took her to doctor appts, made sure she ate healthier (resulting in a 90 point drop in her cholesterol and weight loss over the course of a year), paid bills that she couldn't afford on her social security income, helped her pay off the 2nd mortgage on her home by making double payments with my own money, and far more.
And they want to pray for me.....and that's supposed to be enough. Sorry, but I'm not buying it.
I have been through the wringer in my life (as have most of us) and have maintained a faith in God, Jesus, and the Atonement. Knowing our lives are but a brief moment in the eternal scheme of things helps me.
Also, if I say to someone, "I'm praying for you"...I also add, "and what can I DO for you". I believe God works through us. "Thoughts and prayers" are all well and good, but ACTION is what is needed.
I respect each person's right to believe/not believe. But I do remember once, when my hubby was dxed with Primary Liver Cancer due to HCV---people would say "why YOU?" and he'd reply "Why NOT me" It rains on the just and unjust alike.
I've cared for aging, sick parents for years on end. Cared for sick hubby after a liver transplant. Care for him now as he is only 65 and has no will to do anything, ever. I see 15-20 more years of just taking care of all the things, while he sleeps his life away. Is this fair? Absolutely not. Am I angry at God? Absolutely not. This is life. This is what we signed on for. I look for the gold in each and day and most of the time, I can find it.
My life has been no better nor worse than many others. It's NOT the life I chose, or would choose again, but it's the life I have and I am living it to the best of my ability. Without my faith, I too would wallow in despair.
(and BTW, I don't have the ability to "let go and let God"--I need to be in charge :) and I know I'm not.
It really did help me when my father was dying to put it in god's hands. It was giving myself permission to not to try to make him better and to just take things as they come. I've not been able to do this with my mother, because she is so mean and demanding. Maybe it is why she is still alive. God doesn't know what to do with her, either. :)
Of course, "What do you need help with? I am free Sunday afternoon," does not need to be translated. It only needs to be accepted!
I have taken to telling people "of course i am praying for you, but i have two hours on Saturday - what is something specific i could do for you" and i find that i get specific answers and can do something - even small tasks - that make a difference. These helped my stepmom also when dad was still home. Running a few errands for someone housebound seems to always be a big help.
But just saying "give it up to Jesus" makes me want to give a swift kick.
I think jsomebody is the perfect person to care for her nasty gramps!
Misery loves company
A lot of people who curse God for a horrible thing that happened in their life, if they were to look back may realize that life is like a trickle down effect. Every action causes another reaction and so on and so on. For instance, if you were a person who let's say hated wearing their seatbelt and stubbornly refused to wear it and ended up in the intensive care ward cause you flew through the windshield of your car. Would you lay there and curse God for what he allowed to happen to you? Every time you said screw it, I'm not gonna wear this damned seatbelt. Is that suddenly God's fault that you ended up with a severe brain injury?
Bad things happen to good people all the time. That's life. This world isn't perfect, people aren't perfect. Yeah, life seems unfair sometimes. But I truly believe that everything will even out in the afterlife.
I do hesitate before I say "you are in my prayers" cause I know that rubs some people the wrong way but I will still pray for them.
Yeah..I've got priest on my family.....so I'm covered. Save any prayers for someone else.
ordeals do end. Seventeen years is a looong ordeal, but it will end.
And maybe, just maybe, you are not called to have zero purpose in life besides caring for a thankless, loveless individual who happened to be your mom. Misery surely was not meant to be your permanent lot in this world or the next! If you are sure that it is your real calling and no one else could possibly help with it, I pray for your endurance and your (understandably!) flagging spirits to lift despite it all.
One thing that annoys me is the assumption that when one talks about religion one means always Christianity. I am not a Christian though I was raised one. I feel like when I am told Jesus saves, shops ans saves what would Jesus do the people expressing this opinion are so deep into there concept of God and Religion they have no idea how much harm they could be doing another whom may have equally strong faith and even conservative values but not the same religious bent...
Here's one: Do the people who believe in prayers in school feel it would be OK for Muslim children to stop, take out a rug and pray to ALLAH at various points during their day? Or is it really the blindsided sense of obstruction and judgment and denial of Their own personal brand of religion, Christianity, (The mainspring for many, the sense of being persecuted wrongly) that they feel should be the guide here?
For being told to give it up to God..well it just doesn't work for me as me post stated...I have prayed and I figure either it is total horse shit or God hates me because when I pray things actually get worse..And as for God never gives us more than we can handle, murdered children, suicides, and mental illness look an awful lot like too much to handle to me..
I would like GOD to be a refuge because man is so weak and petty and biased, but it just doesn't work for me. Though I can imagine the contentment and sustenance and strength the such Grace gives to those it does help...I fell sort of insulted to be told something is so easy and just let it go because it works for them while it does nothing for me...but what else is there...we know what we know...and judge things by our own experiences and beliefs. It would be hard to do anything else.
I said I was sorry if my post hurt anyone as we are already under enough burdens, but not discussing this is not for me and for those who would rather not, there is the end notification button at the bottom of these posts.
Thank you all for your input.
After all, the FAQ here states: "Don’t discuss controversial topics – such as religion or politics – that might anger other caregivers."
Now, since 99% of the participants here are probably Christians, what that effectively means is people can say whatever comforting pro-religious thing they want, eg: "I can see that God is already starting to punish my deadbeat sibs", and that's fine, but questioning something as obviously false as "God never gives us more than we can handle" would brand you as a troublemaker. So, if you would like discuss caregiving in a serious analytical and objective way - without all the dubious religious assertions - you are pretty much SOL.
However, one thing that really greats on me is, "I'm praying for you". I read somewhere that what that actually means is that NOTHING will be done about it, and, in my experience that is true.
So I agree with the OP that "Give it up to God" and "I'm praying for you" usually translates to an unspoken "Stop bothering me with your problems - I am not gonna help in any way, including listening any longer."
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
-- (Epicurus)