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While my mom was in the hospital, I had her mechanic come over and disconnect the battery cables to her car (she was still driving occasionally, but had been getting lost a lot-it was WAY past time that she stop). Before she went to the hospital, she had her mechanic come over (because her car had a dead battery). She was unable to process the hospital, or anything else when she arrived home, and I felt it was "safer" for her NOT to drive. It was the FIRST time in my life, that I had EVER done something behind my mom's back, and the guilt was horrible. Three days after she got home, I was on my way over to her house to take her dinner to her, and I saw her car parked outside of the house (usually kept in the garage). My response was "oh sh*t" (kind of the same thing that I felt when she caught me smoking when I was a teenager. As I walked up the stairs to enter her home, I heard people talking (she NEVER lets ANYONE into her home). My response was "Whiskey Foxtrot Tango". As I entered her kitchen, there were two neighbors eating dinner with her (which she purchased for them), because these people had fixed her car for her! The irony here, is that these people are the SAME ones she'd been screaming and yelling at for over a year for doing anything and everything that she didn't like in their own yard! My response was "Alrighty then". So after a week of covert planning, and feeling terrible about what I had done, it took my Alzheimer, Dementia'd, Schizophrenic, and Bi-Polar mom all of about 2 hours to undo what I had strategically planned and implemented! My responses "Oh crap, Whiskey Foxtrot Tango, and Alrighty then" took about 5 minutes! God is a funny guy!~
GOD BLESS YOU FOR SURE......
let's look for our certitude, Jen!
It is also very invalidating and maddening when someone tells you to buck up because it could be worse - like think about what the one who you are caring for is going through (like you don't) and then of course some day you might need someone to care for you. These folks are not listening to your pain and just letting you vent honestly without worrying about judgment. It is really all about them and their own inability to accept the situation if the shoe was on the other foot.
If God really does exist I think he should be big enough to deal with our anger and questioning about life and why things are the way they are. If God does not exist, then we have not lost anything.
As for expecting life to be the pleasing journey, not even close. There is so much misery in this world, one would live in constant despair to think a just a loving god was behind it. If god is all powerful, why do so many have to suffer. Toughens us up? For what? Where are we going that some how being a three year old raped and murdered is going to provide insight and moral toughness for the next existence? And if it is so...What does the rapist learn in his/her journey through life? The murderer, the ones who benefit from the harm they do others? No soul trying in life there?
First, god is all powerful, then bad things happen and I am told, no god lets these things happen for a reason, then I am told to forgive...
So which is it, is god infallible and therefore we have no complaints as all was pre-designed for our maximum experience ratio on earth or is god apt to make mistakes and screw up and therefore we must forgive transgressions?
Keep searching, Jen. Try to do it from a certain distance... If you can!
This is what I am trying to do. With days on, and days off...
God is big enough to handle our anger, but we hessitate to vent to God for some reason. However, look at the Psalms. Did not David vent his anger to God. Yes, David did and quite bluntly at times. I like the Psalms in times of anger and grief for they help give words for feelings that sometimes our mind cannot find but the Psalmist already wrote.
Look at Job and all of his so called friends plus his wife who told him to "curse God and die". Talk about feeling invalidated in your suffering, that poor man was all alone. His judgemental friends had basically a Santa Clause view of God, i.e. if you are not naughty but nice, then God will be good to you, but if you are bad God will sent you sticks for Christmas. Notice that God never actually answers Job's questions. Instead he asks Job some questions which basically is God's way of saying 'Job you didn't bring this on yourself, but you were not around when I made the world, so I want you to trust me. If anyone has read the book Toxic Faith, it point blank says that the biggest reason for athiesm is a Santa Clause view of God that so many churches teach. To go into some past of one great hymn, "It is Well With My Soul" there is more to the story than just the testimony which inspired that hymn. Later another great tragedy struck that family, but this time some people in the church he helped build began to wonder if some sin in his life had not caused that to happen. Again, Santa Clause theology. The poor man became broken hearted and left America with his wife and friends to live the rest of their days in Israel. I could go on about others in history whom we have on some pedistal but we often don't know their very human biography. Far too much of American Christianity totally lacks any really deap and solid theology of suffering for we have all too often made the world, the American dream, sucess in marriage, family, and work the end and our faith and the Bible the means when in fact that is treating God more like an ATM and the Bible like the password for us to get what we want, and get it right now.
The battery cable story brightened my day - good one! And I thoroughly identify with the guilt of doing the right thing against parent's wishes. Its hard, very hard, whether or not said parents are able to circumvent. My mom likes to tell people she is allergic to any food she does not want, so if I don't sneak around her back and tell them about this habit, she could end up with nothing safe to put on her tray. She hates when I talk about her and polices my going to talk to her nurse or anyone, so I have had to get clever and go out one entrance and in another to do it without her knowledge.
That said, I'll take all the prayers I can get, however imperfectly intentioned. The God I believe in is highly tolerant of human foibles, including my own, and who am I to tell anyone how to pray or what to pray for? There are people who have not been through what we are going through, who have not had to learn the difference between joy and happiness, who will need our hugs and prayers for sure if ever reality should ever strike their little world.
Thanks for posting this.
Mimi
i cried so hard and said out loud , THERES NO GOD ! by that time my mom appeard and smiled at me . i bawled oh mommy oh mommmm i need u and she just smiled and fade away . i bawled and bawled , how i miss my mom and it was just a split secs she poped up and smiled when i said theres no god . im thinking mmm she showed up to tell me yes there is god .
called my dad , i didnt tell him what was going on . just told him im just stressed out and down in the dump and told him what was my pblm . he said oh linda , something better is coming at your way .
i thought long and hard about it and snaped out of my depressions state and start lookin forward to something better coming at my way .
yes there is god , he s out there . answered or not answered ,
there is help out there ! go get one . dont jump up cuz someone barked and growl . go outside and let him bark and growl all he wants . u are not cinderlea . u are human begin .
if pa was at the nursing home he would have to wait hours to be his turn of care . so when he hollars i let him hollar till i get me myself done . then i ll go see what he wants .
be strong girl ! bark right back at em and let them know ure not going to tollerate it anymore , hire a help ! get a merry or a sara !!! go away and have urself a time alone . i go outside and sit and enjoy my time , pa hollars alot anyway wanna wanna wanna , then he realized i aint jumpin anymore so he apprecates what i do for him . i AM NOT CINDERELA ..
girl there is god , other wise we wouldnt have this agingcare dot com . :-)
Sometimes the God/Jesus we were taught about as children is a far cry from a biblical view of God from the entire Bible and not just selected parts of it. I don't know if you have ever heard of the book, but "Your God is too Small" is a very good one that deals with people's misconceptions of God.
Some Christians over-super-naturalize life as if a demon is behind every problem and a miracle for the good just takes place like magic for they view God like the gene in the bottle. Thus, their magical view of Christian spirituality and discipleship has no room for a honest theology of suffering and dealing with it in a way that does not sound like everything is rosy . Such naive presumption normally crashes on hard times and these people, sad to say, are some of the biggest back sliders. The American Dream, which is an illusion like the Norman Rockwell paintings, and Christian living are not the same nor does one produce the other.
I sometimes say, "God is quiet now." Before this time in my life, I always felt his presence in large and small ways. Now, I don't. I wonder if I am just not listening or allowing myself to be guided or if I am not praying for the right things. I often think that maybe even God has "too much on his plate" and perhaps there are bigger problems for him to deal with than mine.
I do not think that my core beliefs or faith have been altered, however, I have never felt more alone in my life. If this is a test I am either passing with flying colors or failing miserably.
We pray, but we act upon the needs of others. I believe with all of my heart that THOSE prayers from those people are heard, but I also believe FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD. It is these same people who are in church every Sunday morning, go out to eat afterwards, then go HOME and flip the t.v on. It would seem after hearing a sermon about "do unto others as you would have them do unto you," it would light a fire under their butts to go DO something to help somebody else's cross a little lighter. That is what I would want others to do unto me, help me out here, I'm doing my best to try to keep my head above the water.
I questioned God many times why I got stuck with an abusive, mean mother. I asked him why he took my wonderful loving father and left me with the witch to care for without any help from my sister. Over the yrs, I have just chalked it up to life. We are born and we die . . . and the stuff inbetween happens. I feel it's up to us to choose, cope, deal with, remedy, laugh about or cry over. Sometimes we can find answers, sometimes we make mistakes. How you cope in your life is up to you and should not be open to judgement by others.
I happen to believe there is a God. On the other hand, I respect your right to not believe. I think some people are sincere when they say they'll pray for you, others just say it as a cliche. On another thread someone said they'd pray for me (because I said I didn't agree with their answer and statements) but they weren't sincere and I found it all to be very silly. Because of what you've said, I see that it doesn't help people who don't believe in a god, to hear "I'll pray for you" and I'll never say it again especially if I can't do anything for them. Having said that, may I say that I WISH and HOPE something good will happen in your life to bring you some happiness whatever that may be. Nobody deserves to be as unhappy as you are.
Sorry dear. Didn't mean to offend. Have you actually read the BIBLE?
There is much stregnth, endurance and courage in it. From your writings I thought you could use some. I know abuse myself (about 40 yrs of it).
If you prefer I will no longer pray for you, but will continue for others.
My appologies.
I have read the bible, I regard it as fiction and morality tales written by men.