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There are definitely 2 sides to every story. If dad was rude and arrogant AND has some level of dementia--that is a lot to handle. I'd be careful to lay the guilt and blame on this woman.
If she was caring for him and he was not able/willing to take care of her in return..maybe walking away was a better choice for her.
I have a SIL who always tells people she only has 'one foot in her marriage' as this is a 2nd marriage for both her and BIL. She is not a CG by nature and as BIL ages, we see her pull away more and more. Nobody would be surprised if she cut and ran. BIL's health is not great.
It's good that your dad has you. Just let this woman pass out of your lives and don't talk of her to your dad. You can't make things better for him, nor bring her back. Just love him and let go of the anger.
When dementia happens, I think that we lose the person we loved. When there has been a long long relationship of many years (spouse or children) shared love and shared losses and shared children and all that goes with it, we can sometimes somehow go on with the support of the deep roots formed of that long life. We become then not so much husband or wife, but caregiver. I have seen so much of heroism on Forum. But I have witnessed also human limitations, and just cannot judge another I don't know.
I am so sorry for all the grief you are witnessing, and the losses for your dad, by your description, are heartbreaking.
Don’t waste your time thinking about his past relationship. Focus on him and comfort him as best as you can.
You can’t change the past. Yes, it may hurt. Make the memories that you have of you and your dad.