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And don't be dishonest.
On some level your mom is aware that her mind is failing and this adds to her frantic attitude. She will almost certain NEVER own that she knows this. It is too terrifying to accept in.
Don't argue.
Don't say "Yes I did".
The simple answer is the TRUE answer. " I am sorry you can't remember things so well as you once did. Don't worry over it mom. It's normal for the condition you have. We will keep you safe and give you reminders."
Handle it with love.
At some point, the repetitive nature, the outbursts, the continual disruption will mean that in home care will not work for the family without being too crazy-making. At that point the family has to decide when and how mom should enter care. She will require a team in shifts, not just a few people managing what is a mind in failure.
I am so sorry. There's no fix on some thing. Sadly.
Good luck to you.
I too print out all her appointments starting with day of week / month / time / where / why (and the time is when she needs to be ready by, now that her sense of time has diminished.
I call her right away in the morning to remind her ("Do you see the appointment on the printout?")
Then I call her to make sure she's dressed and will be ready by the pick-up time (you cannot rush old people, it doesn't go well).
Then when I pull up into her driveway I get out the car to go get her.
I've stopped putting things on her calendar... she messes it up and never knows what day she's on. I don't apologize if she gets upset, I point to her printout or I ignore it. I tape the printout to her wall or table so she can't easily move or lose it.
There is no point in "reminding" seniors who have forgetten something. Bundle them off to the car and turn their favorite music on and change the subject. The point is not to prove you were right or did your duty, but to get her where she's going in a calm and peaceful manner. She can't do that for herself anymore. If she's very agitated regularly I would talk to her doctor about meds.
I wrote things on a big calendar in her kitchen.
I bought a digital clock that said the day, date, time, etc.
I had her write herself a note and place it where she ate.
I posted a sign, 1 foot square, in full view, in the hall.
I took photos of her doing things.
Her responses? Nobody told her. There’s nothing on the kitchen calendar. Someone forged the note. What sign? I staged the photos with an imposter.
I just had to accept that she was combative towards me. She was polite with my husband until she wasn’t. Now, in care, she was pleasant towards the staff until she wasn’t. She always said she’s never been wrong about anything in her life. Can’t expect her to admit she’s wrong now. They are trying a change in meds.
I just assumed she wouldn’t be ready and built in buffer time for her to get ready and rage after I arrived.
Dementia is very hard the person who has it and the people who have them in their life and have to provide care. It may be time to start considering care options for your mother and talking about it with your family.
This being said, no one has to live with abusive behavior or put up with someone else's rage. Stop apologizing for her tantrums and rage. When she tells you to stop treating her like a child, respond by telling her to stop acting like one.
It may be time to stop trying to include your mother in any kind of planning. If she starts up with a tantrum and the raging, walk away and ignore her. Pay her no attention whatsoever when she is behaving like that. This is how you handle the tantrums and raging. Then bring in outside help.