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Good luck making hubby see he must take action now, his wife and kids deserve respect.
If not what he is doing in inexcusable and YOUR husband NEEDS to set his dad strait.
A simple..."Dad if you do not begin to show my family respect and consideration you are goin to have to move to an Assisted Living. We can begin looking next week."
If your husband is on the bandwagon to get him out of the house that makes it a bit easier to follow through with the above talk.
Now you do not mention ANY medical conditions or why he is living with you.
If FIL is not cognizant then the discussion is meaningless and just a tour of Memory Care facilities needs to be scheduled and then move him in.
"Invisible" by Alison Moyet.
Why does your husband put up with this?
This must put a horrible stress on you , your relationship with your husband, and your childrens mental health.
Your fil needs to leave, for everyones mental health and well-being.
I'm sorry you are going through this. If you can fill any of us in , that would be great.
Why and how did your FIL end up living with you and your family to begin with, and was he also silent towards you, and if so why did your husband allow him to move in?
These questions are just a few that need to be answered before we can be of any help to you, but bottom line....if this situation isn't working for all involved, it's not working for anyone. So time for a family meeting to discuss plan B(getting FIL out of the house).
There is no point in doing all the jobs while FIL gets away with being offensive. Stop putting up with it, and stop doing all the jobs. If FIL still talks to your DH, he may complain to him. Your husband needs to stop ignoring him, tell him that ‘he wants him out of our lives’ if that's the case, and give him an ultimatum to get out if his behavior doesn’t improve. Your DH just ‘a wishin and a hopin’ (and 'ignoring') isn’t getting the message across.
There are HUD apts. They charge 30% of your monthly income. So if FIL brings in a 1000 a month he would pay about $333 for his rent. He will pay for electricity. He maybe able to get Supplimental income (SSI) to give him more money to find low income housing. Social Services would be a good place to start. Find out what resourses are available to him. You may just have to wait hoping there is a health crisis and you can refuse to take him home because there is no one to carevfor him. At least you have made it clear, you will not be caring for him when and if the time comes.
The fact that no one talk to him could also be a reason for his actions. Sometimes we need to put ourselves into that person's shoes to understand why he seems so bitter.
You said he's not mean - he could be depressed. Does he need any encouragement to meet people, like at a senior center? His first wife passed and his 2nd wife left him...maybe he's still carrying a lot of those losses and getting out to meet others his age could benefit him.
I think the best way to change behavior or improve a situation is to address it. Wishing you all the very best - and hoping things get better!
Your issue is to stop DH from having so little to do with him that DH can tolerate him. Stop being the one to prop the situation up, make it worse so that it MUST change.