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But for all the other caregivers that I know including myself, respite was/is of utmost importance, as we understood/understand the importance of self care and that we matter too in the equation.
And sometimes respite is just getting away for few hours to get a mani/pedi or going to the grocery store or to church or lunch with friends. Just anything to get away from the hardest job there is and that is caregiving.
It doesn't have to be a few days or a week, but whatever is best for you and the one that you're caring for.
Trust me when I tell you that you will know if and when you need to get away for longer than just a few hours here and there.
And remember that worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair on your front porch. It gives you something to do, but it gets you absolutely nowhere.
So please take care of yourself in whatever ways you can, so you're not in the statistic of 40% of caregivers dying before the one they're caring for from stress related issues.
Statistically, most things we worry about never happen.
But in caregiving anything can happen and likely will happen.
We send our kids to school , there is always some worry . But we aren’t with them 24/7 . It’s rare to be 24/7 as a caregiver without it eventually taking a toll and caregiver needing respite .
It doesn’t hurt to leave respite as an option in the future . Never say never .
Good Luck .
It sounds like you really do need to practice getting out , and letting go of what's going on at home.
Every time you leave you have to shut the door behind you and just breathe.
This constant worry is horrible for your health, what good are you going to be for your loved one if your ill,
If you have to do little steps, go for a walk and practice mindfulness, just be in the moment.
You deserve a break from the stress!!
If you enjoy your job, don't take any respite. If the day comes when you no longer ask the question "why do I need respite?", then you'll know exactly why you need it and you'll choose to take it.
sone people like my sister thrive on being busy and organising things
but even her ( and she is Amazing) showed signs eventually of getting tired. Sometimes we don’t realise like in a job a break is just plain healthy
it allows us to function at our best and maintain our health
My sister refused and I forced the rest on her and afterwards she said how much she enjoyed the break and was raring to go again
it’s also good to look after your health - if you were to be one poorly your support would have to stop - so you need to be fit as well
As for worrying - it takes practice -
make a call end of day to check in -
make a 5 min call beginning of day to check in as well if u want - but try and get some rest. Your body will thank you
You are an adult, and I trust you to be capable in judging whether or not you require such a thing.
I used to think that, here I am 12 years later, I kid you not. What if you get sick?
You can find a "day" respite program as I did a few years' ago. It was just 4 hours per week but it worked out just fine. I could get the oil changed on the car, teeth cleaned, etc. When flu season hit, I pulled Mom out right away, it served its purpose.
Some have p/t, o/t, a nurse on duty, meals, exercise and transportation to and from . The one I chose was on the water. I told Mom you wanted a house on the water, this is the best I could do!
I think with most people, its not the actual work as you say, but often dealing with difficult personalities. (in my case, my mom is difficult, there is no way I could be difficult)
That said, while you may not have much of a need for one, you may still need one just as people who are happy in their jobs need a vacation now and then
It’s the personalities that can make it impossible sometimes .
Refusing to believe they need help , manipulation , guilt trips etc .
3 out of 4 of our parents ( hubs and me ) very difficult . We are on the last ( difficult ) one . She may prove to be the worst of the lot . Cooperation would go a long way .
It is a national statistic and it comes from the Surgeon General's Office of the United states (I don't remember which one).
A top cause of caregiver death is suicide. Especially when you're the sole caregiver to an elder or handicapped person with a difficult personality.
Believe me, caregiving is miserable, back-breaking work that is not the "rewarding" experience people who haven't done it think it is. I did it for 25 years as a job. I went home at night and had a life outside the job. This was not so when I got roped into being a family caregiver for my mother who I never got along with. That almost killed me.
Being stuck in a caregiving situation often causes depression and hopelessness because one miserable, drudgery-filled, laborious day follows another. That hopelessness leads to unhealthy behaviors like over-eating, abusing alcohol, drugs, or both and many other dangerous behaviors. This can lead to heart disease and other illnesses. Now factor in the caregiver will ignore their own health and healthcare because their care recipient's appointments and needs have to come first. So this leads to lack of healthcare, life-saving screenings, and disease preventions.
This is why caregivers so often die first. The bottomless pit of endless neediness takes them for its own.
Why are you even asking the question? You've obviously answered it for yourself already.
Burn out is real.
This is one of the reasons that people take vacations from their jobs.
I used to worry about everything!
Now I decided what will be will be.
Chances are something may happen while I am out.
Bigger probability something will happen while I am not.
Also, if you're not to die before the person who you're looking after, you will need to know how to live when you are no longer a caregiver.
Lastly, you can't wrap your loved one in cotton wool. You cannot prevent any harm befalling them because you are just one person. You are human and not all powerful.
You need rest and you need to not lose yourself by becoming subsumed beneath the life, the wants and needs, of the person who you are caring for.
Maybe you want to cry or shout or be able to read a book without being interrupted, or eat what you want to eat or drink what you want to drink. Maybe your significant other would like to do something just with you or you would like sometime to not have to clean up, or....
Think about it like vacation days off that your job gives you.
Now respite care does not mean that it has to be relaxing...maybe you might use the time to get a project done that you've put off for awhile. You could use the time to just visit somewhere. Maybe you want to deep clean the house or paint a room, or change the furniture.
In my case, I needed respite care because I was quick to anger. I used respite care to travel to another state. My Mom was a gem while she and I travelled. I sure appreciated her handicap pass for parking. However, leaving her in the car for any extended period of time while I did my errands was not an option (elder abuse) so any outing was a minimum of 20 minutes longer as I helped her in/out the car and to wherever I needed to go. I did not have a problem with this and did not think it impacted me adversely, until after she died and I suddenly errand times were cut in half.
I can't say that I enjoyed my respite time. However, I sure got a lot done during it.