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It might be hard but also a relief to have others caring for them 24/7. Those caregivers in the nursing/care home will have oversight, liability and guidelines - not every home care worker would have that.
After years of caring for my loved one at home, I finally had him transferred to a nursing facility - it was a very, very difficult decision, but in the end it was what is best for him - kind, caring aides and nurses 24/7 to see to his needs - I can visit and spend lovely, quality time with him, and not try to be a nurse/doctor at the same time. We are both happier. There are activities for him, others there in his same situation who he can share with, and my comfort that he is in the best place for his care.
I was against placing him before I did so, but am entirely happy that I did it.
Remember, you have been doing your best and that is what mattered for so long and now, the best may be to place your loved one.
2. Meds may need to be used in lower doses, and if someone is oversedated or having bad motor reactions to antipsychotics, there are options to use other things or a second med to treat the side effects.
It is all about comfort care. Making our mother as comfortable as possible so her life has quality. It is more important that she be able to sit on a bench and soak in some rays of sun, smell the flowers and enjoy the peace and beauty around her than to allow confusion, anxiety, agitation from sun downing run her life.
We all do the very best we can when taking care of our loved one with dementia/Alzheimer's or other health conditions. It is not an easy row to hoe, so lets all support each other even though we have different ways of treating the conditions and how we go about supporting our loved one. Hugs to everyone!!
I was / am mad at the pouty sad faced "awww, no..." reaction I have been receiving. .... But you know what? The people who know the YEARS I have been giving her 24hr care are HAPPY. They KNOW . :)
It is mean to make people feel bad about using medications. If diabetics take insulin are they "doped up?" NO, they are getting the medication they need.
My mom's memory loss caused anxiety, which in turn caused extreme debilitating paranoia. She was making public nuisance of herself. Now that she is properly medicated, she is relaxed and happy. Is she "doped up?" I don't know and don't care. She is happy and happy to see me. Whew!
My therapist said that at this stage we are not trying to do the "right thing;" we are trying to do what works. I heartily agree.
Are you sure the hand wringing is anxiety? I seem to recall that can be a neuro marker for something.
You can look at medication in one of two ways.
You can say " my parent is drugged"
Or, you can say, as i do "my mom auffers from overwhelming anxiety and depression. We tried reassurance, in home assistance and frequent family visits. None of them helped.. Getting her into a nice Independent Living apartment helped some, but what REALYY helped in the end were anti anxiety and anti depressant medications. It makes her feel better. She doesn't weep, or wring her hands or call us ftightened to death that it might rain. If this is "drugging" then yes, I'm in favor of it.
I agree with Cwillie-they are being self-serving with their advice.
Sorry I cannot comment on plus/negative aspects of keeping mom at home or in a nursing home. That is entirely up to you on her behalf. Either is doable as evidenced by the many comments on this topic all throughout the AC website.
Be at peace with whatever you decide, but I would put hha workers on notice that if they allow your mom out the door unsupervised even once, you will fire their, uh, what was the word I am looking for, so sorry as I tend to block words, cannot access them when needed. Ever since I had T.I.A. episodes in the past.
Just fire them.
She is late stage six- the only thing left is incontinence.
She does not know who I am beyond a happy person/ savior. I am her daughter but she knows no one at all anymore.
Both her Dr's have declared her in need of skilled nursing NOW.
She has been on the list for memory care for 3yr. They have no beds.
My second choice, if i believe what is going on, has a bed.
DSS is doing the paperwork.
Thank you about telling me about the NH drs etc in CT. that is where I live-
Her primary really doesnt know this situation because she is physically extremely healthy-- and I am the one physically handicapped and unable to keep up with her...
P.S. I put a doorbell alarm on the door over there and a doorjam device. She is devious and quick!
There are many people who have an aversion to nursing homes and if they can care for their loved ones at home then that is fine. However when home care is not possible - and there are many reasons for it - time, money or the inability of the caregiver to give the adequate care needed as these horrid diseases progress.
I cared for my partner for many years until I had no choice but to place him in nursing home. I was his sole caregiver, had no support or help from his children as they chose to be in denial, I also had to work full time . Eventually he started falling three or four times a week which resulted in trips to the ER, it was just a matter of time until a fall resulted in something broken, due to that and the fact that my health was declining I made the decision to place him in a nursing home. He is there and is safe, he has only fallen once in the last six months and has a staff of caregivers. Weigh your situation - and make the decision that is best for your Mom and for you, - no nursing homes are not perfect, but sometimes they are the best choice. If she is running away - that is a huge safety issue - that alone really needs a locked - full time facility. You will feel guilty, I still do, but I tell myself that I made the right decision for my LO and I did, you will too.
The aides and companions fear they are going to lose a client, and thus are attemting to manipulate your fears.
You KNOW that you can't keep your mother safe at home any longer. Whether it's Memory care or a NJ, she clearly needs a higher level of supervision.
Do what you need to do, not what others tell you you should do based on their circumstances.
You say your mom has midstage dementia. Is there a reason you think she needs to be in a nursing home? I think that states vary on how they handle dementia patients, but in my state, unless you need skilled nursing care, a nursing home is not warranted. Have you considered a Memory Care facility. And if she is running away, as you state above, that might be in order to keep her secure. Why not have her assessed to see what kind of facility would meet her needs?
I have often heard that facilities drug people to keep them quiet, but I haven't seen that with my experience in assisted living and Memory Care assisted living. For one thing, in my state, the residents have their own doctor. The doctor is the only one who prescribes medication and they don't prescribe it just to sedate. This could happen in some cases, but I don't think it's rampant. My experience is that they work towards finding a low dose medication that can relieve anxiety, while still allowing the person to be alert and as active as possible, considering their dementia.