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My dad always made it clear with each hospitalization, even though the documents were in place “don’t go pounding on my chest!” He rightfully feared it, far more than death. With a dementia patient, seems to me a DNR is a kindness
It was still worth it.
Generally when ambulances are called to a scene they legally MUST attempt reviving a person unless a POLST is hanging in their home (this is an MD paper done with patient/patient representative in the office, enumerating exactly what resuscitation measures may be done and may not be done).
My own personal decision now for my life is to not be resuscitated. What is YOURS and what measures have you taken to insure it is seen and acted on?
You are correct that in the elderly resuscitation is almost never successful, and as a retired RN I can assure you that your assessment that the ribs are often cracked is correct. I have heard them under my hands. Be comforted that the dead don't FEEL this discomfort, and few survive to worry about it later.
Decisions of this sort are plan-ahead. and in the hands of the person involved, or their agent (POA, guardian, next of kin.) and their doctor.
Elderly dementia patients, if resuscitated for any reason, invariably end up in the ICU, unconscious, with broken ribs. I have witnessed at least two cases in my own family.
I had opted for DNR for my wife who suffered from FTD for 18 years, based on her own wishes. We cared for her at home to the end. I wanted her to pass on in her own bed in her own home.
My mother had a massive combo (both hemorrhagic and ischemic) stroke at age 89. From the Neuro ICU, she was transferred to a hospice house and died within 10 days as there was nothing more that could be done for her.
My father lived another 17 months in ALF. When he turned 96, I went to the head of nursing and signed a DNR. He had COPD, emphysema, and CHF. His lungs were shot and I witnessed him at an earlier hospitalization when the nurse asked him if he wanted to be resuscitated, he said "Hell no, I've lived long enough." When he started declining rapidly, hospice was brought in to keep him comfortable until he passed.
Thank goodness for morphine and hospice. I didn't want them to suffer. I have zero guilt for signing the DNRs. It was what they would have wanted.
I was sad that my mom didn't get to outlive my dad and have some peace away from his abuse. (64 years of marriage.) No tears for my father, though, only great relief that his reign of sociopathic narcissism was finally over. My long term PTSD has also improved since then. :-)
I hope that helps
If that's not the case, speak with their doctor and find out what you can do in this regard. If you have POA, you should be able to arrange this.
But it needs to be done before it's needed.