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I'm pretty sure their adult children will have a problem on their hands!
My dad dropped dead at 41 leaving my mom, who had grown up on a farm and had never drawn a paycheck, with 6 kids and without a clue. No way could anyone have planned for something like that.
My husband at 79 is alive but he can no longer be relied on for anything except making things more difficult.
I am grateful I didn’t wake up one morning alone like my mom; I was given a glimpse at the hourglass and even though it made my stomach hurt I started picking up blue jobs and digging into files.
I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me pay better attention from day one - lack of time? avoidance of mortality?
A massive re-location when the ‘support’ began to wane gave me an excuse to make sure my name was on everything and the files and accounts were set up in a way that made sense to me. Nothing was ever going to make sense to my husband again. I snatched our new home inspection report and hid it like the holy grail. When something goes haywire with our new (old) house it will be handy.
It doesn’t really matter whether it happens suddenly or bit by bit, one half of the couple is eventually going to end up with all the jobs. It’s not pleasant to think about but it would have been a very loving thing for both of us to make sure the other was as prepared as possible.
The best option is to acknowledge the challenges. Prepare as best you can. Be involved with a caring group of people from many generations. Help others that you can. Graciously ask for and accept help when offered.
This week: My mom (80's) watched out cat for a few days so I could treat hubby to a birthday trip out of state. In turn, he helped her with her GPS updates and a few house repairs. Take aways: We need each other. We all can help each other.
Oh oh.
The plan is this.
Imagine hubby tomorrow swallowed by the great white shark.
What would you do?
I am serious here.
If you are watching YOUTUBE TV and awaiting the next episode of Naked and Afraid Last Man Standing, you could be in trouble.
It is time to get your name also on ALL bills. Everything. The garbage, the water, the lights and gas--everything.
You know already.
Take care of it NOW.
Margaret, I am WITH you.
It is time to get our names on the utilities, the bills (AAA do Aussies have it? we just needed to call it; I am NOT on it!)
Yes. You are a loyal member of AC. You are awakening? What do I need to do? What should be addressing? What should women (and men) be addressing now that we can/when we can?
And yeah. You should be addressing it now. Join me!
We need to start making ourselves safe. Most of us (sorry) on this Forum are WOMEN and we are not seeing it to it that we can make ourselves as safe as we should be if we are suddenly left A-L-O-N-E. And we may be.
I hope you got some help.
For 30 years I relied on my husband for almost everything. He graciously handled everything while I ran the business (and I ran it Very well). It was wonderful - ignorance IS bliss. Then the other shoe suddenly dropped when husband had 2 strokes. I was completely overwhelmed but survived the trial by fire. I wouldn't recommend this unless your inside is made of steel.
Luckily I made it through that incredibly steep learning curve, but in hindsight I think I would choose to do the *exact same thing*. (It was wonderful during those first 30 years.) And now I'm catching up on the mundane practicalities of living. It Can be done, but I wouldn't recommend it!
It is good to see you back. Great big warm hug!
Nobody knows what the future will bring.
I was often bedridden for weeks at a time, until I had spinal surgery in my early 40s, and I couldn't stand for long periods for a couple of years or more. My daughter already knew how to cook (helped me when little, then experimented on her own) and she did what was necessary. Her boyfriend (now, her husband) used to come round and would help her in the kitchen. They became a very good team. He'd never cooked before, but now he's a great cook!
I think that sharing responsibilities and chores is the best way to ensure that everyone is capable, no matter what happens.
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