We have been married 22 years and together 32 years. and my husband is 79, I am 67. My husband has MCI with severe volume loss in the 11th percentile of the hippocampus. He was MEAN to me for a year kissing me in the am and pm and in between asking me when I was getting my stuff out and leaving. And now is being civil for 3 months. However, he talks to his kids (and not me) about the house we live in and tells me he is selling it. It is his family's home, however I have been here and my name is on the mortgage and deed. We have sold what would have been our retirement home. Any plan he says he has is with building a house for himself and it will be for his kids. For 3 holidays now, he makes plans to go to them but only tells me about it when he is leaving to go. When he calls to tell me, I ask why and what about me and he hangs up on me. I called the daughter and she hung up on me. The other daughter did not call me back when she said she would-now it has been 8 months. I don’t know what he is telling them. I have never even had an argument with them. The case worker at the doctors office says it is his brain and don’t take it personally but the one thing that remains constant is his talk about selling the house and about his kids. He tries ousting me and I don’t know why. When this started, it was sudden.
I don’t know if I should try to hang in and continue to monitor and care for him when I could potentially have a lot of problems with his kids. Case worker says bring them to appt, but right now my husband thinks nothing is wrong because with his MRI they didn’t find a reason of why his feet don’t go where he tries to put them. I still have a lot if questions I need answers to. This stuff is wearing me out and it’s like I have 3 against me when I don’t even know why. I ask what I did or said and none of them will even answer me.
1. You need to protect yourself. It is good that your name is on the mortgage and the deed but what of the other assets?
2. Is the diagnosis of MCI enough to prohibit him from selling the house, entering into contracts, signing assets over to his children? If so you have less to worry about but I would be concerned.
3. Do you need to seek Guardianship so that he can not sell "your" (meaning marital) assets?
4. Do you have savings that need to be protected from him?
His children should be informed of his diagnosis but personally I would do that after consulting with the attorney. (Sooner rather than later on the consultation)
If your name is on the title of the home then he can't sell it unless you sign.
Fins out if he has a will. It should state that you live in the house til you die before the kids get their inheritance.
I wojld not sell the home because sounds like he would end up buying something and not have your name on it or even taking the money and leaving to stay at his daughter's.
Talk with your husband, ya'll go to counseling.
If there is nothing to save in the marriage or he's too far gone, do what is best for you. You can get a Divorce.
That would mean selling the house and splitting up everything 50 50.
Or don't worry about it, let him go stay at his daughters and accept you're not going to be part of it but knowing they can't take the house because you're not going to sign for it to be sold and you don't have to, unless he files for a Divorce and you don't have the money to pay him his half of the house.
I would also check and watch the Checking snd Savings Acts.
Probablly would take half of all the money out and open an act with just my name on it.
Also - "when he calls to tell me... he hangs up on me." ??? Are you and your husband living together, or what's going on? Why are you and your husband having these conversations on the phone?
It sounds as though there is still a good deal of investigation to be done into your husband's health. Write down what changes in his behaviour and his personality happened and when, and take them with you to his next appointment. Imaging, such as MRIs and CTs, is very useful and important; but the saying is "when you've met one person with dementia, you've met one person with dementia." The brain changes affect every individual in different ways, and it's your husband who needs care, treatment and support - not just some picture on a scan.
What do you *want* to do? If you're feeling alone and overwhelmed and you did want to surrender your husband to his adult children (which may indeed be a viable option, with no disgrace - rule nothing out), what would your own options be then?
Why do you think the daughter hung up on you? - because she's heard nasty stories from her father? Have you never got to know your stepchildren over all those years of marriage?