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While you don’t have a legal or even moral responsibility to care for your father, he is your father so I can understand your wanting to help him out.
However, it might be time to take a very close look at whether what you are doing is the best use of any resources you want to provide him. Is he a US citizen? How old is he?
You might try the Area Agency on Aging in his county to see if they could guide you on any resources available for him after discussing his circumstances. A visit with an elder attorney might be helpful. Without more information it would be hard to know how to give you any helpful suggestions.
He is only 73 and he is a US citizen. He has been very irresponsible and irrational throughout his life.
I believe he suffered a TBi as a child when he was hit by a car which may contribute to some of his behavior. He had a fall at work 3 years ago and after the surgery, he seemed to age very rapidly physically and mentally.
It is difficult for me to determine what his status is as I have no baseline on what is normal for him at this age. It’s also very confusing because some days he seems completely normal and “with it”, talks fine, and is sharp and other days he makes no sense to me, is paranoid, delusional, angry, and making bad decisions.
I’m looking to learn about this more and what resources are available. I would not feel right to just leave him on his own and not get him the help he needs.
If his behavior continues, I do not see him making it on his own for another year and he’s going to be out of money. I’m trying to be proactive.
Here's a link to the ElderSource database where you can look up the agency nearest him that may be able to provide him some help and you some peace of mind: https://www.navigateresources.net/psa04/
If the whole ‘age care’ thing is new to you, it’s a good idea to ‘educate’ yourself with the free resources on this site. Click on ‘Care Topics’ at the top of the screen, You get an alphabet. Click on A, then Assisted Living, N for Nursing Homes, D for Dementia – and anything else helpful. When you get a bit more idea of the options and the problems, it could be a good idea to come back with a more specific question. Best wishes, Margaret
If there is dementia at play, it's typical for a person to have good days & bad days. Days of lucidity and days of talking gibberish. To say, however, that "Microsoft got in" the laptop you bought him 2 months ago so he THREW IT OUT is indicative of a person who's not operating on all cylinders. And, please do not buy him a new laptop b/c unless he took a hammer to a 2 month old laptop, there was NO NEED to throw it out! Same goes for breaking a cell phone in half and then buying a new one, which is what? $1000? A definite sign of either dementia or mental illness of some kind taking place here.
I understand you wanting to help your father, but w/o having POA for him, and w/o knowing anything about him, his health, his finances, his medical OR personal background, what you'll wind up doing is financing his LIFE here! And that includes chronic 'broken' equipment that will need replacement due to temper fits, lack of patience and lack of understanding the basic operations of said equipment. Dad either lets you in on all of his secrets, or you call APS and ask for a wellness check to be done on the man so THEY can determine if he's fit to live alone or if he needs placement which they can find for him.
Wishing you the best of luck with a very difficult situation.
Call Adult Protective Service and ask them to look into his situation. Unless he's an immigrant, how can he have no SS or Medicare?
As said, if your father is a US citizen and has held down a job for more than 10yrs, he has SS. He also has Medicare. Because he has never applied is his fault. If he never applied for SS he will get 135% now. If he had surgery 3 yrs ago, who paid for it?
Me, I would not get involved, it will be a headache dealing with him. Let APS take over. They will break thru all the red tape.
And workers comp paid for the surgery.
I am working on not enabling. He has been very manipulative and it’s taken me until now at 47 to realize that
He seems to be disabled yet has been able to support himself in the past. If workman’s comp paid for a surgery I would think he is in the system.
This article is about the billions of dollars available to U.S. seniors who are impoverished. It tells you who to call and the types of help available. There is also a video showing seniors around the country and how inflation is hitting them.
https://www.cnn.com/2022/09/09/health/missing-benefits-older-adults-khn-partner-wellness/index.html
Here is another article to check out with similar info.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/seniors-how-to-get-medicare-savings-snap-food-stamp-benefits-inflation/
It is one of my fears that he ends up homeless. He showed up to my house homeless in the past when he was more of sound mind and I let him stay for a few weeks. One day, he just left. Never let me know anything. I didn’t hear from him for months after that.
If it happens again, I will not be inviting him to my home. But I don’t even know what I would do with him.
You MUST for his sake and more important FOR YOURS, to totally back out of his life financially.
He DOES have financial resources, as you’ve mentioned, and if you task yourself with helping him find what he should legitimately have access to, it will allow you BOTH to have the autonomy to establish a balance IF YOU WANT IT.
So no more using YOUR FUNDS for HIS mistakes and misunderstandings. He will make mistakes until his weaknesses, age related or not, are identified and revealed. Take this time to clarify your own feelings and decide where you stand in this.
Learn what you can about his circumstances from a distance safe for you.
You are a good daughter, even after years of being unappreciated as such. Don’t let your pity supplant your reason.