By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Your best bet is to read up on the subject and stay connected to forums like this one where you can ask questions of others in the same boat.
Pick up a copy of the book Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon so you can learn about dementia and how to deal with your husband.
Go to alz.org for a ton of resources and an 800 number to call. They deal with all dementias, not just Alzheimer's.
The 36 Hour Day is another good book and more like a reference book for dementia symptoms and issues you can refer to.
Teepa Snow has some good videos on YouTube about how to handle folks with dementia who don't want to bathe, and things like that.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Both my parents and now my husband have had dementia. I found that a PCP who is an internist with a geriatric specialty works as well as anything. Husband has labs and a Medicare wellness visit once a year and another appointment at the six-month mark. Our last six-month appointment with the doctor was a telehealth appointment via computer. DH fell asleep in the middle of it. The telehealth saves me from having to take DH to the doctor's office and the doctor still gets to observe behavior and listen to my reports. We do other appointments, such as for joint issues, with other specialists as needed.
It's frustrating not to be able to help more, but it's best to accept that this is what's happening and we can't fix it. Once you absorb that truth, the guilt starts to diminish and you'll feel less stress.
Educating yourself, like already said about dementia is your best bet going forward so you can be better prepared for what lies ahead.
I always suggest the book The 36 Hour Day as a great place to start.
It also sounds like your husband has perhaps more than one type of dementia which is very common, since you noticed signs before your husband had his stroke.
I would now limit his visits to any of his doctors, and just let him be comfortable at home in his recliner where at this point he feels safe in his daily routine.
Taking him out of his routine can be very upsetting for him as I'm sure you already know.
But I would perhaps hire an aide to come at least twice a week to get him in the shower and dressed in clean clothes as someone from the outside often can have better luck getting someone to do that than we can ourselves.
And perhaps instead of all these needless doctors appointments it may not be a bad idea to have hospice come in to see if he might qualify for their care.
My late husband had vascular dementia which is the most aggressive of all the dementias with a life expectancy of just 5 years. He was diagnosed in 2018, though he was showing signs a good year prior to that, and he died in 2020.
And he was under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life, and completely bedridden.
Prior to my husband becoming bedridden, all he liked to do was sit in his recliner and watch TV all day. That was his safe place. And he too didn't like to have to leave the house for any reason, as when you have a broken brain the outside world can be a very scary place for you.
Please don't be afraid to ask for and hire help if necessary, as you matter too in this equation.
And again I would suggest giving the hospice agency of your choice a call and have them come out to do an assessment on your husband. They will let you know if he qualifies for their services(which are all covered 100% under your husbands Medicare)or if he just qualifies for their palliative care at this time.
I wish you well as you travel this very difficult road with your husband.