What do you get your loved one for Christmas?

I like the idea of an armchair exerciser, as that is definitely what my FIL NEEDS to be doing to keep up the strength in his limbs, also those stretchy bands with handles, I'm thinking of those as well. I keep telling him that if he keeps falling, eventually he will break his shoulder or hip, and end up in a Nursing Home, for rehab, at the very least, his worst nightmare! But I actually had this conversation with my sister this morning, what to get the Old Man, for Christmas? As often, or almost always, he gets a gift of nice clothing, and stocks it away. I ask him why, but he just wants to wear out hisvold clothes first. But he doesn't really Do anything to Wear out his clothes, so his closets and drawers are filled with New Stuff, he will probably never wear. So, slippers, sugar free candy, a nice pen, as he really appreciates a good pen, otherwise, I'm stumped, but will come back for more idea's! Great topic!

Oh, and Old Spice shaving Cream, still his favorite!

We've given up on exchanging presents - what we could use just isn't available (such as body parts that aren't close to obsolescence). What I probably will do is just take Dad out for a drive to look at the decorations. We always used to do that as a family and it brings back fond memories, which on the other hand could be sad. So I'm not really sure.

We've past the point that we need anything materialistic.

I'm anxious to see what others post; maybe I can think of a better way to spend Christmas.

We will probably be getting together with family, and that's worth more than presents.

Mom liked a good foot massage. You can do that and it won't cost a dime.
For $300 you can get a women's chorale group to come and sing for the whole facility for an hour.
I assured my MIL I would continue to make cuccidatti and send them to out of town family like she did. She liked that. Continuing traditions is important to her.

Staceyb, my dad loves Old Spice!

The best thing I bought my mom (who has dementia and is in a NH) is a warm picture blanket. It was about $30 from Walmart online and the order was shipped quickly, just a few days before Christmas. You just upload the pictures you want and choose the blanket style, color, fabric and message. I am not technologically inclined and found it so easy to do. I put 9 pictures of her with all family members. I couldn't believe how nice it came out and has held up through lots of washings this past year. She loves looking at it and it orients her to her room. It also becomes a source of comfort for her when she is feeling down or agitated. Thanks for all your great gift ideas too!

What a great topic! Mom is in Assisted Living with latter-stage dementia. She doesn't need anything more to clutter up her room. She prefers the clothing she has been wearing for years, as they are familiar and comfortable to her. She is even past the stage of enjoying old pictures because she doesn't remember the times and it upsets her. Looking forward to hearing suggestions for everyone!

Rosie1, I just read your idea. Fantastic! Well, now I know what to get Mom. Yay!

What about a back scratcher. There is a metal kind that is telescoping. It fits in a shirt pocket but stretches out much longer. I know two care givees that really like the ability to scratch their back when they want.

If you can afford it or get a good deal, too bad black Friday is over, cashmere sweaters are so soft and nice.

If they are allowed goodies like chocolates or cashews that might work.

Those fake fur throws, especially a high quality one, or even a drug store one, can be so soft and nice.

They are pricey but those computer readers for anyone with macular degeneration, even a used one, are really cool.

I give Mum a body and foot massage every single day so not an option for a gift I am afraid. We use a foot spa for her and she adores it.(I don't know who this 'we' I keep blethering on about is I mean 'I' not 'we'!)

So options for gifts that won't just be stowed away and not used and are actually useful

Those foot stretcher elastic bands things are great for rehab stacey
Thermal bed socks - with grips on the feet so if she does get out of bed she won't slip
Slippers - we seem to go through them very quickly as I won't keep them if they start to smell even after a wash - I only ever buy washable slippers these days - ain't incontinence great? NOT
Taking Mum to see the lights used to be a big fave of hers but the local council has put a stop to that Bah Humbug.
Ive recorded carol services from last year so she can listen to them whenever she wants
A CD with some really lovely Christmassy songs from days gone by that I have burned
Im planning to make some Christmas decs with Mum so I will make some bakable dough for that and once they are baked we will hang them up. I usually glue and glitter them for effect so plastic and vacuum cleaner at the ready for the mess it will make. Don't forget to make the holes before you bake them - forget and they will just break
Oh I have bought more decoupage stuff for her as she loves that. We will be making a snowman for my Grandson (how you may ask when we don't get snow?) I have one huge flower arranging ball and one not so big I wire up cotton balls - oooh not sure what you call cotton wool but I think cotton balls is right - and then Mum pushes them into the flower ball until it is totally cover we use a remnant of cloth for his scarf, two very small pompoms for his coat buttons (and I mean VERY small) I have found a party hat in the shape of a bowler that is a little big but it will be OK and I think I will just glue some felt on for his eyes. its nothing much but she likes doing it and H will appreciate it. Its as much a pre christmas gift for Mum as a gift for H
I have also bought a very large clock so she can read the time more easily (Now digital as she can't see the hands very easily any more)
A large cuddly toy - don't ask me why but she sleeps much better with one than without one and hers needs washing so I have to buy a second so she will let me take the first one away to wash and they seem to take forever to flaming dry

Things I didn't buy!
Licorice - don't ask because the answer is messy and not from the mouthend!
Sweets - she eats too many already
Handkerchiefs - I find them everywhere and anywhere and despite me telling her she doesn't understand that they are not substitute for toilet tissue
Clothes - like others we have drawers full of the unworn already
A vibrating plate - she wanted one but although they can improve circulation for some for others they can be really dangerous
A jigsaw puzzle - I am still finding pieces from the last one which she lobbed across the room in temper
And finally god knows what meds she was on yesterday but she wants a hula hoop. now I am sorry but the whole notion of my mum using a hula hoop at 93 when she isn't stable on her feet to begin with just had me in hysterics. Hello 911 yes could you send an ambulance please ...erm how did she fall? erm she was hula hooping ....Oh yes sure ....of course I want to have that conversation with the emergency services

Rosie what a brilliant and I mean brilliant idea - we don't have those over here dammit

ooh ooh I lie we do have them - oh I am so excited

Here are a few more- gift cards to family style or other favorite restaurants so you can bring home take out would be nice. Such an easier way to dine. Much easier to split a meal for those with smaller appetites. If they can have ice cream, a gift card to a high quality ice cream shop is nice.

At our local dollar store they have mens cotton socks, usually thin black cotton dressier ones as well as thicker cotton diabetic ones. They are both nice in that they have much looser, stretchier cuffs compared to the ones you see in pricier stores.

What about music from older time singers such as Perry Como, Andy Williams, Glen Campbell, Nat King Cole, or whoever their favorites were?

Last year I got my dad one of those novelty colored poinsettias. It was a pretty blue with lots of glitter. It was fun and a conversation piece.

A bit of self promotion here :) I am an OT and own an online store selling carefully curated products that promote dignity and independence. Some of the items I have been recommending are walker bags that convert to shoulder bags, an adult clothing protector ("bib" that looks like a scarf), a reacher to help get things from high and low places, magnifiers (we have pretty pendants that look like necklaces, pens etc). For something a little more whimsical we have canes that reflect interests like ones covered with dogs or cats, golf, hunting, camo etc.
When my grandmother was living in assisted living with dementia one of her favorite gifts was a scarf. She didn't need any more clothes but she was still a woman who liked something pretty!
Let me know if you need any more suggestions.

I bought my mom with dementia a transistor radio . She's visually impaired too. She loves it. Keeps her updated with the news, preaching and music . I bought my dad a portable turntable to play all those vinyl albums they acquired throughout the years and a cassette tape player. He's 94. He said it gave him
New life. Magazine subscriptions are great. They love mail. Picture books of familiar old time movies and actors and actresses. I tried books on tape. Too confusing for my 91 yr old mom . If they can string beads, if vision is good... Or if they can still croquet or knit. Jellies cookies teas. Easy to use items. Hand towels . Make a memory book with pics if friends and family. Cvs walgreens
Maybe Walmart has that machine ... Amazon has great prices on the radio, record player etc. playing cards and puzzles with large pieces too.

All your loved one needs (for everyone) is to love them for the time they have left, keep them safe, and feed them anything they want. Having others visit maybe stressful for your loved one because words are mostly absent, and what are visitors going to talk about? Most people are very uncomfortable facing death, and they certainly don't want to be reminded of it by visiting someone who is dying. Go to the Dollar Tree or 99 cent store and buy some puzzles (the kind they need to spell the word forward, backward or diagonal). That should keep your loved one busy for hours. Mine finds it a challenge and likes to cheat (the word puzzles' correct answers are in the back)! I never mind as this is enjoyment for him. Merry Christmas!

As a 92 year old, you hit the nail on the head with your comments about visiting. I have often wished there were some way to get this message across. It is no use weeping at my funeral when I weep because I do not see my loved ones and their babies. It would be the nicest present.. I tried a bit of "bribery". I am not mobile enough to get out to shop,, but I bought some cute children's clothes on line. Then I let my granddaughters know I had gifts for their children "next time I see them". Soon they were lining up to come and visit mel That lasted a couple of weeks, in spite of many protestations that they would come "more often". I know they are busy moms but I will not always be here!

EaseLiving
I think your post would have been appropriate if you had not pimped your online store. All too often stores aimed at this target segment have outrageous mark-ups on items that can purchased from Amazon or other sources much cheaper. I perceive that such niche are designed to take advantage of older person's worries and anxieties.
I could promote my dementia care business on this website. But I don't because the posters know so much more about caregiving than I do. I learn an enormous amount from this site; often other posters give me insight and solutions that I would never come up with in a million years. Of course, I offer my experience in my postings, but it is only one of the many experienced persons who contribute.

As simple as this may seem, my mother loves her hot water bottle (Walgreens and it's guaranteed for life if you need to exchange it for any reason). This is especially good for her because she lives with me and I can put warm-hot water in it and give it to her at bedtime and then take it in the morning). She sleeps so much better with it as it has a kind of heat that lasts a long time (I even use one at times). I think women get especially cold. This year I'm going to fill a stocking for her (with little fun/practical things... Maybe a little happy ornament... Even put a potatoe or something in it just for the fun of it to see their expression). Walgreens also makes a 'Brag Book' which is a nice size 4x6 which is easy to handle and she loves to bring her pictures out and show them... And, we do a nice simple Christmas meal... And, invite anyone over that wants to join us. Merry Christmas everyone and many Blessings to you!

PS Don't forget to treat yourself to some simple things... Egg nog, glass of wine after mom is tucked in... You deserve it!!!

Alice - let me be the first (possibly) to wish you a very Merry and joyous Christmas and shame on your kids is all I can say. If I lived in the states I would come and get you to share our Christmas . It would be quite fun if we put a CCTV outside your door so if they did come they would wonder where the hell you were!!!! better than watching repeats on telly!!!!!

Seriously you need to tell your children what you just told us.... that you expect and need to see them and their children. it doesn't have to be every week but certainly once a month would be the right thing to do. However I have to say - and I am only speaking for me now you understand, that if I had to bribe them then I just wouldn't bother BUT I would also administer the punishment posthumously and leave everything to a donkey sanctuary!

Bless you Alice xxx

Rosie I have ordered one of those blankets - I am just so glad you posted - I didn't even know they existed

although my mum gets loads of clothes each xmas, i take out the oldest ones & donate them to the nursing home for someone who is in need of them, i get a musical xmas card each year which allways make her smile, also a porcelain mug along with a photo of herself when she was younger on it, on her birthday another 1 with passport photo`s of her daughters or grandchildren, along with the names as she can no longer remember them, that way the care home knows which mug my mum drinks out each time, i remove them each year before the next 1 goes in. sometimes it is only these little things that matter most.

Oh Jude your gram sounds like a fun lady my husband.is much more laid back I can't get him to play anything he is way to adult pee poo eat sleep oh ya TV that's it when he was in hospital he would be tossed a ball and he handy it back every thing baby in his mind was not fun he never read so a book was anot a gift a neck pillow he liked that and even the hospital did they said they where ordering them for the others on his floor his was bright red and he took it everywhere as if he fell asleep his neck was supported he has a very long neck he had are clinging wheel chair that too he loved when we got home I had a reg wheel chair and got him a 0 gravit lawn chair that folds about $70 dollors he loves it also a power scooter set at low speed he liked that too gave his independent he is watched closly as he is missing an eye and has and unuseable right side with nno voice but he is happy with his little things I did buy him one toy only because he had a radio controlled plane before his illness a radio controlled car that he put on his TV I think gifts are hard to give unless you real know the person well best to give a gift card to the person who cares for the loved one and let them pick

I got an early pressy of a very soft fleecy blanket, so Ma can snuggle under it. It seems to also help with her aggressive moments.
Certainly no ornaments, they get tossed into the rubbish bin. And I am putting together a few old photos that I found so that the staff of the R.H. Dementia unit can understand who and what she was now she is back in her teens. She has no idea who all those people are in the photos that are in her room and they get tossed behind the wardrobe. I love the desire for the hula hoop, thanks for the giggle OhJude

I visit my husband in a dementia care facility every day. I take little gifts but nothing seems to really matter. Lately I try to go see him after all my business and chores are done so I am calm. Then I can give the gift of time to really listen without being rushed or thinking about what else I should be doing. That is what he most enjoys and It is really good for both of us! Every human seems to respond to quality time. So just sit back, relax, ask questions or give prompts and enjoy listening to whatever the other person says. In this busy world it is the greatest gift.

Jude, why has the local council stopped viewing holiday lights?

Your comment on making dough reminded me that years ago it was kind of popular to make cinnamon and spice ornaments for the trees. I think the flour was increased to make them stiffer; I don't remember what made them last longer.

But it's an opportunity for someone to select various holiday cookie cutters, punch them in the dough, put them on the sheet to bake and salivate from the aroma of the spices.

The thought of a 93 year old, or any older age person, hula hooping, is really amusing. Did you know, though, that it's considered a method of slimming one's waist?


Rosie, the photo idea sounds great. Did you know it's an adaptation from a quilting technique? Over a decade ago one of my quilting friends began making quilts for her family from photos provided to her. The photos are scanned into a computer, enlarged and/or tweaked (if you have software such as Photoshop or maybe even Corel Draw was used then), then printed on special fabric which is then used for the quilting squares.

I see that the concept has spread to a commercial entity, which makes it a lot easier for someone who's not a quilter, and doesn't have the time or equipment to make photo squares.


I think the idea of soft fluffy fleecy blankets is a good one for tactile stimulation; it's not the same as petting a dog, but the warmth is comforting, soothing and relaxing.

I'm copying and saving some of these messages; the ideas are so inventive.

OhJude: Thanks for your kind comments. I am not in a NH or LTC, I llve in an apartment, but I can understand the same thing is needed. We old people need visits. I did not deliberately "bribe" my granddaughters to come but afterwards it seemed to me that is what I did and I was glad because at least I saw them and the dear little ones. A visit is the BEST PRESENT anyone could have.

Well in my case under garments we have lost/gained weight and our breast are not as perked .thats what we do ,also little through blankets or cookie/candy if not diabetic