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You mentioned your mom has a broken hip. So I suspect your mom recently had anesthesia, that can make dementia worse.
Also sence this is new , check and make sure she doesn't have a UTI. Peoples dementia can get a lot worse if she has a UTI.
Best of luck
At the hospital I would speak to a social worker about placement . This is too much to handle at home .
Mom will be likely to have these episodes on and off if she gets UTI’s. And if it turns out it’s not a UTI , then it’s the dementia advancing which also is now too much to handle at home .
Either way , Don’t allow the social worker to talk Dad into bringing her home , you say it’s an “ unsafe discharge “.
Sorry to say but a broken hip often causes a significant decline in someone with dementia, that they do not bounce back from .
The fact that rehab didn’t want to send Mom home without someone there at all times along with Dad is very telling.
You are doing all you can!
Going through this with my mom. We are fixing one issue when another is is starting. It seems to never end.
That sounds like what is starting to happen with your mom. 🙏
Once in the ER make sure the staff knows she is an unsafe discharge -- do not take her back home for any reason because she needs more care now than anyone can give her. Make sure your Dad doesn't go get her, either. She may need to go into the psych ward to see if medications will help calm her. That's what they had to do with my cousin, with early onset ALZ... she wouldn't go to Urgent Care or with the EMS so her son had to pick her up bodily and take her, and she fought him the entire way. She did have a UTI which got treated, but they also kept her in the psych wing until she would comply with taking meds for her paranoia and agitation.
Are you her PoA? If so, bring the paperwork. If she doesn't have an assigned PoA then at the hospital ask to talk to a social worker to see if she can be transitioned directly into a facility. Do not believe them if they pressure you to take her home and "promise" to help you find help once there. This is a bold-faced lie they tell to get people discharged.
I'm so sorry you're going through this incredibly distressing situation!
Did the doctor give her anything for the hallucinations? Or is he waiting to see if a UTI is causing it? I saw nothing about Mom having Dementia just the cancer. Chemo does give people "brain fog". Also, people suffer from Hospital delirium too. I think if was 3 weeks in Rehab, I would have some delirium too. I guess the doctor checked for pneumonia too?
If you have PTO time or vacation you may want to take off a few days. No sleep and no food make for a lousy employee.
But I agree it could be a number of factors causing this . Sounds like that last round of chemo made her very frail , which is not uncommon in causing the beginning of the final decline .
Honestly, it sounds like a total step down due to multiple factors and needs placement .
Has the type of dementia been diagnosed?
Some medications can be harmful for some types of dementia. So if she is on a pain medication I would check that out.
Talk to her doctor about the hallucinations and the agitation. If mom is beginning to get violent when she has a hallucination this needs to be addressed before you or your dad gets hurt.
It possibly is time to talk to dad about Memory Care for mom. Probably not what he wants BUT it will be safer for him, safer for mom and safer for you.
And dad can once again become a husband not a caregiver, you can become a supportive daughter not a caregiver.
by the way noting wrong with going to bed with the tame t-shirt on that you have worn all day. If that is how you can get mom to bed then go with it!
I saw a reply below that you gave and you mentioned CCL I did not find a meaning for that I did find CLL a type of cancer and since you mentioned chemo I am going with that.
Chemo is a game changer and it can effect the brain, cognition and if there is "mets" to the brain that also plays a part.
My honest opinion....and you may not like this.....
If mom does have dementia. A recent break to the hip. And cancer.
I would probably discontinue treatment for the cancer and call in Hospice.
Any treatment for the cancer is going to be rough.
Rehab and getting around with a broken hip, even if it is healed
Diagnosis of dementia (that is probably going to get worse more quickly due to the chemo and the cancer)
Hospice is the choice I would make for myself or for a loved one.
Tough decision, an HONEST talk with her doctors if they are HONEST with you and dad as to what to expect on all aspects of her care and outcome.
Unfortunately my aunt who helps on Wednesday night has a swollen disc in her back and is not going to be able to help for awhile. I don't know how long that takes to heal, so I am back to 3 nights a week instead of 2 unless someone can find more help.
So very happy that the doctor gave her something that is working.
You can't cure old age. One thing you can change is your own feelings. "It doesn't feel right to say no to the treatment?". Stack the treatment up against "keeping her comfortable and happy'. Make doing the right thing 'feel' OK to you.
Also after having the 2nd CT scan her hair started to fall out. She has a bald spot on the back of her head. What is safe to put on her hair to keep it from falling out.
My head CT scans didn’t affect my hair. It might be something else.
Have courage!
By 85 we knew my Mom had Dementia. At 80 she was diagnosed with bladder cancer and cured. 5 yrs later her Urologist was still doing scans. I stopped them. If she had bladder cancer again, we would not have done the treatment.
If I were you, I would not do the treatment and the doctor is nuts for even considering it. I would not put Mom thru that. Let her final days not have people poking and prodding. I would call in Hospice. They will keep Mom comfortable and pain free. A nurse will check in 1x a week and be on call 24/7. You will get an aide 3x a week to bathe Mom, usally for an hour. You may be able to request more time to give Dad some time to get out of the house.
I won't know what I am doing by tomorrow night because I do night shift and get up every 4 hours to give her medication, then go to work all day. I would have taken the day off, but I thought since the vitals were good last night we had several more days.
And PLEASE if you do not want to be alone when mom dies as Hospice to send a Volunteer. There are specially trained Vigil Volunteers that will stay with her. One of the goals that Hospice has is that no one dies alone. So please use this service, it will give you support and peace.
Basically you get an ambulance and have this person transported back to care, because they are in no condition to be cared for in the home.
This sudden change requires a checking for urinary tract infection right away.
Has this been happening when you are not there?
Is your dad fighting to keep her out of care and with him against all reason?
Is your Dad fighting how severely ill she is?
Right now your father is being enabled by your helping with this.
Clearly, by demanding you be there, the hospital or rehab ALREADY KNEW this is not a safe discharge, and it isn't. Mom doesn't belong now in home care.
You need to tell Dad this isn't sustainable and you are backing away so that he can understand your mother needs now, for whatever period of time (perhaps permanently) to be in care. She should be in a situation where she can be medicated and cared for. She needs more than you and dad. She needs several shifts of several people each, proper diagnosis and etc.
Next outburst is a call to EMS, ambulance transport to hospital, and hospitalization until you can find out what is going on here.
Incident in an assistive living facility in New London Ohio
So sorry for your loss.