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I don't take too kindly to old people yelling and criticizing me for not doing the job good enough. It's a form of manipulation and control making you work harder than you need to. I don't get paid enough for the gaslighting and control issues these people have going on with them.
As far as you mother and her lies, have her placed. Your nerves will thank you for it. GET YOUR LIFE BACK!
It would be helpful to know if you're her PoA and if she has dementia. Or, does she have a history of mental illness? Either way, you don't need to tolerate any of it. Maybe time to get her in to see her doctor.
If you take her phone will she get her "other" people to buy her a new one? Who are the other people setting up a FB account for her? Maybe delete their contacts and block their numbers in her phone. Who is paying for her data package? If it's you, then you pull the plug. If you're paying for her phone, then pull that plug, too. You don't need to be defamed by anyone -- especially someone for whom you are making a sacrifice.
You can discontinue her data and just load her phones with games to play. No more social media.
The possibilities are endless .
I know as you say she will have a fit and probably tell someone something else. But I'm not seeing that you have a choice in the matter.
I remember one time my son was being a ten year old. 😆 I grabbed his wrist and he had an old cut, and I accidentally repunchured it. He started saying he was going to call the cops on me. So I handed him the phone and told him to. He never did , and he never said it again.
I'm thinking let your mom tell her stories to others, but not on social media. Let her friends talk bad about you, or call APS on you. If she is well taken care of then what's it matter, it might show her , your not messing around.
Best of luck
The state cannot force you to have mom live with you and cannot force you to take care of her.
"Shes my Mom & done her best to give my sis & i a decent life & so i feel like its now my turn to take care of her..." That was her job to give you a decent life and take care of you and your sister. Once you both left home her new job was making sure she took care of herself and saved for her own retirement. She did not do that as she was banking on you doing that for her. There is a reason NO ONE else wants to help your mother. I am guessing because she is not a nice person or she is a difficult person or has some type of personality disorder that makes people dislike her. As for the people who keep getting her back on Facebook you need to tell them to STOP and confront them about it.
There is medicaid and section 8 housing and many options other than your having to feed and house your mother. She is disrespecting you with her lies. Either take her phone away or every single time she posts on Facebook you post the truth and shame her into stopping what she is doing. Personally I would just take the phone. Are you paying for the phone? If you are then even better because you can cut that off right then and there.
See the difference between a parent taking care of a child is that the parent has ALL the power in that relationship. If you were on Facebook as a child posting things you should not be posting your mother could just take away your phone and ground you. But you can't do that with your parent so it is NOT the same thing because clearly you have no power over another adult. So mom is going to continue this BS of throwing you under the bus with her lies and apart from taking her phone (which could be construed as stealing) you have no power in this relationship.
When you finally get tired of her games or she causes you a lot of problems - maybe even a visit and investigation from APS then maybe you will feel differently about turning mom over as a ward of the state to stop this nonsense from her.
Filial does not mean that you physically care for Mom or have to bring her into your home and quit your job. You just make sure she has a roof over her head, food and clothing. Basic needs. If that means Longterm care and Medicaid paying for it, so be it.
A PCP/GP knows a little about everything and a lot about nothing. Denentia/ALZ is not their specialty. You need to get a formal diagnoses with a Neurologist who will run the appropriate tests. If your POA is not immediate, you will probably need this diagnoses to invoke your POA. Doctor should also say she is 24/7 care. With that and diagnosis you can have her placed.
Then get back to work. A 49 year old needs those earnings for SS. Your within the 35 yr look back. This means if you don't work within those 35 years your SS will be less. If you don't work 10 of those years, your SS will be based on 25 yrs. Mom will worsen if she has a Dementia. Do you want to care for her another 10 yrs when she needes to be bathed and toileted and very unpredictable?