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Me, I couldn’t stand seeing my parents suffer and die from an illness that one shot would have prevented.
When you placed Mom in a NH, you lost some of your control. You now have several aids caring for her. Each one does their job a little differently. Her hair won't be just so, he clothes may not match. Me, so Moms clothes matched I hung them as sets in her closet. But that does not mean her socks would match or her shoes.
I am so lucky that I have an RN in the family who has worked almost 25 yrs in NHs. She told me what an aides responsibilities are in the morning and how many residents they have to get up and dressed in time for breakfast. If I had a complaint, I would ask her if I should complain. Its not always the squeaky wheel gets oiled first. You do not want to get the reputation of being a pain. You want those aides to like you. So better you ask why nicely than to demand why. I wanted everything perfect for Mom but you have to just let things go. They never could comb her hair right. So I carried a little bottle if hairspray and a brush and fixed her hair when I visited. Yep, OCD.
My very elderly parents (lived into their late 90's) had the flu shot every year for the past 50 years. And they were out and about, doing volunteer work at a large regional hospital up into their late 80's. Now, there's one place where someone could catch the flu, but they never did.
There are so many different vaccines that seniors should have. My hubby and I have had the current COVID vaccine... the current flu vaccine... years ago had the shingle vaccine... the pneumonia booster.... the whooping cough vaccine... even the HEP-B vaccine. Now I do understand if someone is allergic to ingredients used in certain vaccines not to get it.
If you don't like it, move her. Stand up for your rights. But be fully aware of what your mother is facing if you do.
I do not know the rules of this nursing home.
It could be that there is a requirement for flu shots at this institution as there was when I was a nurse, at my hospital. Many places caring for the elderly have rules about vaccination against diseases that can easily be deadly to residents.
I am curious if you ASKED if they are required shots?
It is extremely difficult to deal with any institutionalized care, but even worse when you are attempting to do it long distance.
Q 2 hour checks are, sad to say, considered a norm in some places.
Can you tell me if your Mom is capable of putting on her light. Do know that her anecdotal reports to you may not ALWAYS reflect reality, but I must tell you also that the care overall isn't perfect in any institution.
I understand your desperation and frustration, and I am so sorry for it.
I wish you the best. The answer as to what you can do is only the best that you can, and you are DOING that. Again, I am sorry and I wish you the best.