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“My mother isn't and never has been an easy person to be around. Nothing makes her happy. She lies and manipulates to get her way.”
AND:
“I'm angry because things could've been easier for me. I have no room in my new home for her. Additionally, I already have a daughter and two grandchildren who are living with me. Had she agreed to sell her home, the situation could've been different …”
So you are angry an unhappy, lying, manipulative person can’t move in with you and make you and your daughter and grandchildren unhappy as well?!!
Of course there are many other issues and concerns here but I’d say you’ve dodged a bullet!
You will have power to help her if she assigns you as her PoA. If she won't do this, I would consider this a deal-breaker for providing care in any way (and you won't legally be able to help her to the extent she will eventually need).
The "best" solution is for her to assign you as her PoA. Then you help her sell her home and she moves into AL that is in close proximity to you. Best doesn't mean easy... outside of this, especially if she's running out of funds, there's no other solution -- only "least bad" options.
Love this phrase !!
If she is still able to make her own decisions and refuses to make the move you let her know that you have to return to your home and she needs to figure out her situation. This is the stage we all hate - where our parent refuses to cooperate in making a move that is clearly in their best interest. As long as you are there, and as long as she has an aide she'll never move. Once she realizes she has no help, or has to call the rescue squad to get her up off the floor she may change her attitude. This is the waiting for the inevitable disaster stage. It will provide the impetus for the move, albeit unwillingly. So let her know that date that you are leaving and then go. It will be awful for you and she will be awful to you. But you'll never get her to make any change unless YOU CHANGE. Most of us here have been in a similar position and know it's not easy but it is necessary. She won't change her behaviour until you change yours. You have to be unwilling to negotiate or she'll continue to manipulate you.
See a certified Elder lawyer for Medicare advice how to handle selling Mom's house and getting her placed in a facility.
She has proven to be unreasonable, especially after firing her excellent aide (for no reason).
Time to face reality, and Mom needs to be placed somewhere and cared for by professionals. Yes, you dodged a bullet....more like dodged a nuclear bomb!
- Damn straight!!!
Get down on your knees then and thank God she refused to move in with you because that would've been a real nightmare!
her house yet because then you would be miserable living with her in your house .
DO NOT have Mom live with you . You are miserable now . It would be the same if she moves in . Mom sells her home and goes to assisted living .
Done. Yes?
What does your Mother want to do?
When I did this the social worker told me to “ Stop helping , that’s the only way to get her to accept help from someone other than family “. They were willing to physically remove my mother from her home because she was unsafe to be alone . The social worker was scheduled to return two weeks after she came to do the assessment . She was going to bring help ( big men ) to remove mom and bring her to a facility that I picked out and they were expecting her that day . , But Mom ended up in the hospital before that . Then I told the social worker at the hospital what was supposed to happen . So she called the social worker from the Area of aging and they worked together to place my Mom . The original facility was able to rush getting her room ready and take her sooner than originally planned .
If that doesn’t work and Mom won’t leave her home , YOU leave and call APS .
Or the next time she ends up in the hospital refuse to take her home . Tell them she won’t let any hired help in the house and you can’t take care of her . They will place her in a facility .
If I was you I’d have a few picked out that they could try to send her to that have an open bed .
Your intervention should be
“ Mom the house will be sold and you will go to assisted living “.
Mom can not make decisions anymore . Don’t give her a choice in this matter . She will agree to get an aide in and fire them again and assume you will come . So long as she’s in control and you keep helping her she thinks she can stay in her home . She can not be reasoned with . She gets no choices offered in this matter .