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Best of luck with a difficult situation.
My mother settled in, just fine. We had set up her furniture in her new room. She had her own bed and dresser, her own tv, and her own clothes right there.
You wife will stay because she will have no choice.
Like we do as parents of small children, sometimes we just have to make decisions that our loved ones are not happy about - but are necessary to keep them (and us) safe.
You can go back to being her husband, and not her caretaker.
What matters is you are placing her because that is what is best for her.
She will get the care that she needs 24/7 and you get to be a husband first and caregiver second and become her care manager.
When you say she will not leave the house. Do you mean physically she refuses to leave or that she does not want to go to Memory Care?
If she will go for a ride you can take her out and go to the MC and have lunch there and while she gets settled you can leave.
The staff can and will help her. They are used to doing this.
Once in MC as a resident she will not be able to leave so she has no option but to stay.
Yes she will be angry. Yes she will tell you she hates you. She doesn't, she hates the situation. And like a child this is the best way that she can vocalize her feelings.
You need to do what you have to do to take care of yourself. You say your health is not great, if you don't place her what will happen if something happens to you? She will be placed anyway and not have you to visit her.
I cant imagine how hard this is. Do you have kids or any good relatives or friends that would help you, just to get her there, like some really good lie. Maybe say you have to go away for a bit , and have them tell her they are taking her to a place untill you come back.
These circumstances usually comes down to a lot of little fibs.
I also want to add you are doing the right thing, no matter how hard this is, you truly are. Please take care of yourself, and when you get your with there, please get some much needed sleep.
I hope u have seen an Elder Lawyer about splitting you assets. When her split is spent down, you can apply for Medicaid. You can stay in the home, have a car and get enough or all of the monthly income to live on.
My Mom was 97 years old and refused to even consider senior living,even though my Dad would be packed in a New York minute to move. She even refused home caregivers. It was a major fall which required 911, hospitalization, then rehab, then skilled nursing facility.
When you are able to have your wife move into Memory Care, set up her bedroom similar to how it is arranged at home. It gives a sense of familiarity.
Call your County Area Agency of Aging .
They were willing to remove Mom from her house and bring her to her new room . They can coordinate with the facility for date and time.
Good Luck .
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