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Keep tabs on her though. You are right to watch carefully.
Carol
I wish my mom would leave her home and go some place. It would be so much better than her laying there worrying about whether the insurance bill get's paid, or if she should paint the house, or when the guy is coming to pull weeds in the back yard, (although I've been doing that). Just seems like too much bull for mom to go through. She needs peace, not a bunch of worry. God knows if she was somewhere else I'd be there all the time without having to deal with my sister and her family. It would just be a lot more pleasant.
She's use to the weather in Cali and a change to Tenn would blow her mind!
Speak with your relatives about visiting her. I do not believe in putting someone away and then dissapearing and maybe your relatives need to know how she's feeling. It's an adjustment but give it some time.
Before you know it your mom will be having her very own Tea Parties and you guys won't even be invited :)
Hope this helps.
We tend to think that elderly people are like children in the sense that they "bounce back" easy and and adjust easily etc., but they don't. My advice, get her out of there, and perhaps do what I did and bring in a CNA to help take care of her.
Obviousely, if she has any conditions that would make it hard for you to do this, then I would suggest you look for another assisted living.
Another option, would be to stay her apartment for a couple of days and see if you can help her fit in and maybe make a few friends.
Good luck on your long distance caregiving journey.
Some assisted living residents may experience a decrease in perceived control, similar to that of nursing home residents, despite the philosophy of independence that defines assisted living facilities. As assisted living residents perceived control increases, an improvement in physical health and quality of socialization ensues. There is, therefore, a significant positive correlation between the choice residents perceive they have in their self-care and leisure activities and their quality of life. Similarly, resident choice and autonomy also have a positive impact on satisfaction. Individuals who exercise independent choices and are involved in their care planning and day-to-day activities are usually healthier and happier.
Having the freedom to live her own lifestyle is very important to your mom and just about every assisted living resident. I'd have a candid talk with her to find out what exactly she's not happy with. Who knows? It might not be the facility itself but the thought of being sectioned off or detached from the rest of the family and the depression associated with that sinking feeling of being "discarded."
Everything you need to know, and every answer you seek, resides within her. The staff at the assisted living facility will undoubtedly give you a song and dance about the wonderful social activities available to all residents as well as the state of the art medical care and worry-free environment where the ostensibly free individual is supposed to flourish. Sounds to good to be true, doesn't it? It is. The moment you say goodbye to your loved one and drive away it's all business as usual.
Listen to your mother, don't be afraid to ask questions from all staff, and watch like a hawk. You are paying for a service, so don't settle for anything but the best.
-- ED
The best advice that was given to us, was this, be involved, as ED pointed out. No one but the patient (if able) , and the family should be in charge of the meds.
What I found out was the following: If at all possible do not use the "doctor" that does rounds at the assistant living complex, or the pediatrist, as in my experience they don't always have the patient's best interest in mind. If possible don't have the meds delivered to the complex, we found that we could monitor what was being charged, easier if we were in control of the meds.
Also, we would "pop" in and out unexpectedly. Talk to the CNA's they know the patient better at times. Also, they will pick up on your cues, try to be positive about their new home, help
them decorate and make it homey and visit and call often, and the best advise is always "trust but verify"-President Ronald Reagan
I felt so sorry for my dad I wanted to just die.
My dad continued this behavior because my brother and sister would be so gutless as to give him "hope" that they would take him but they would "check with me first" OMG putting it on me,,, like it was my decision.
My dad takes many, many medication, and insulin and they did not feel comfortable in caring for someone so sick but they kept letting him think.... maybe ... maybe.
Finally I told them either take dad and give him a home or quit giving him hope. He will never adjust, accept, and deal with it as long as he has choices (that don't really exist).
Carol
Good for you for doing what you felt was right for your Dad.
I can't take her to my home, as my home has different levels and she has to use a wheelchair, other than to take a few steps with a walker. Also, I grew up in a home with my grandmother and it was horrible. She treated my mother and me like slaves and was verbally abusive. I can't put my family through that, nor can I go through it again.
I am glad for this site, where people understand what we are going through. Even if you can't change it, it helps to have someone listen.
Good luck with your mother...I hope and pray everything works out for you.
It seems as though, no matter what you do, your mother will do this to you. You can sympathize with her, but some people will not be happy. Period. The fact that her brother is at the particular AL, and they are close, is very good. I wish you well.
Carol
Donna if you are out there and reading how about some feedback?
She knows many of the other residents, so I am trying to stay positive that she will soon acclimate.
Hopefully, one night soon I will get more than 4 hours of sleep. I can't help but compare this to the time when I had a newborn in the house...the difference being, i was much younger then and had a lot more energy. I keep a pad of paper by the bed and write down the thoughts that keep running through by head...the problem is, I usually can't read them in the morning.
I spent the first 15 years of my life in a home where my mother took care of my grandmother, who had numerous strokes and became quite combative and abusive in her words. My mother, unfortuately, seems to be follwing the same path. I am trying to hang in there. My mother has a couple of brothers, sisters, and sisters-in law, that are trying to help...and I truly appreciate them. However, most of the burden is falling on my shoulders. I am trying to stay strong... but the words do really hurt, especially when one is exhausted. Anyone out there who is going through something like this...I am praying for you and I know that you are paying for me. I am doing my best to keep the image of the grandmother that played with my daughters firmly in my mind, and not take to heart the hurtful words that I know she really doesn't mean.