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God has got my back. He is taking care of me while I am taking care of DH.
Thank you.
Thank God that I live in the USA where one way or another almost everyone can get nursing home care for care in old age (I speak of Medicaid as a last resort.) I am thankful for a good and productive life and many blessings and am confident that God will be by my side for the rest of my days, and if I have to have some difficult days (or weeks, months or years) I am still going to say, "God's got this" and remain grateful no matter what.
Grace + Peace,
Bob
1) how financially prepared are you for your future? Do you have in order your own life insurance, long term disability plan, ability to pay for $4,000/month assisted living (out of pocket)?
2) how much do you Trust those around you to make proper decisions for you? Would they be selfless or greedy? I know a woman who is putting herself in a Terrible situation financially, just so her children - who rarely visit - get a decent inheritance. She has 4th stage cancer.
3) do you trust your husband to do what is in your best interest? Does he do so now, even if it's to his inconvenience? The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. And frankly, if you are beginning to realize that he hasn't been honorable so far, do not believe he will be in the future.
If, on the other hand, you are simply panicking on what is to come, make some changes NOW.
For instance, start decluttering as you see something that does not have great sentimental or purposeful use, give it away to someone who would appreciate it. Look on YouTube for KonMari method. She will teach you a lot about keeping only what brings you purpose or joy. Also, talk with your insurance agent about putting insurance policies in place now for your (possible) assisted living future. Your future self will thank you for it!
Hi nebbish - my parents too have/had dementia, though not Alz. My father had diabetes type and vascular dementia and died from it aged 81. My mother, aged 105 in an ALF, has vascular dementia and I am her POA, medical and financial. I hate paperwork, but it has to be done. I watch my BP and blood sugar and have, so far, managed to keep them where they should be.
I so agree about not fearing the future. I had a lot more health fears when I was younger. but, eventually, decided to let them go as I stayed pretty healthy. They were just fears. Having made it this far, one day at a time and being thankful for it, works best for me as well as making provision for what may lie ahead. Something healthwise will crop up eventually, unless I get hit by a bus.
...in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes. Benjamin Franklin
Que bueno tu tienes padres sanos y felices. Este es la razón tu estas contenta.
Pero, no todos tienen lo mismo situación. Es más deficil cuando los padres tienen Alzheimer's. Es un enfermedad muy grave con distrución de su personalidad.
Algunos de nosotros estamos sufriendo con madres y padres muy enfermos de la mente. Es difícil a ver lo bueno cuando todo el tiempo es lo malo. Disfruta tus padres en su mayoridad. Dios los bendiga.
How great that your parents are healthy and happy. That's the reason you're content.
But not all of us have the same situation. It's more difficult when your parents have Alzheimer's. It's a serious illness with destruction of their personality.
Some of us are suffering with mothers and fathers that are very sick in the mind. It's difficult to see the good when it's bad all the time. Enjoy your parents in their old age. God bless you all.
and i believe strongly you're going to be bless by the lord above, for looking out as i do regularly for mi father, full time, while i am here where they are, relocated (came down on a visit)to the south,been here happily since. with MOM, and god bless you chica, i mean that.
good night
hugs-n-blessings for you tonight.
adios.
But wrong on 1 thing lol (mi life is not/have not been all roses) 95%sure, and that is only from not (even after what happened to daddy a light to mild stroke) and recovering all year so beautifully thank the LORD, and being around him, more and my mom and being here for them, even though i am here full time,and do not regret it at all. I love the so much et.al., i still went through mi own trials and tribulations with an ex spouse,where i later became happy divorced(LOL) so again,
NO... It's not all roses, for me, however chica, yes, i have a great life, for me, that i've made for mi self(overcoming multi-adversity)at that,and also now focusing on taking care of dad full-time for 1 year just about, and i am here making sure he enjoy all of the days as my mom is also here,making sure and yes we are happy campers, and i wish this for your family/you and your mother that is.
I think its about how "we deal with such issue(s) et.al., and adversity in our lives chica."
That es mi point. I read your post and i feel bad for you,and pray it gets better one day for you.You're what? Only mid sixties or early sixties,right?So you're still have alot of life God-willing each day to enjoy.You're not able to "control"sadly what mom is doing and or attempting to do to "rid you"from her world.I pray for her too that she is going to realize what a GREAT amazing daughter she has,and about buying her the house or helping her with a place, that was amazing and truly a loving daughter. Reach me anytime you want,and i just think again we have to try each day NOT to let what is going on, "Affect us to no end, to fret over "aging like that,and stress et.al.,"it just isn't healthy for any 1 (at any age) God bless you,and again reach me anytime. Even through mi tough times in life, i've always made it to the "other side of happiness" because i have an extreme outlook on the positive, in mi every day life,and i refuse to let any 1 or any stressful thing take it away from me. That is what i mean by other post, you read, and i hope you are in life going to be able to see the 'beauty' again in life,each day and know that you still have alot of life to live,and enjoy! I ma here for you anytime.
Hugs and blessings to you this evening.God bless.
adios.
WOW I so feel for you. I was 'lucky' I was well brought up to know I wasnt the popular one. But in hindsight, Ma shared many of her feelings and thoughts with me, that I found out the others never really knew about.
I have callouses on both shoulders from all the shrugging off, from what today would be considered child neglect.
So I dont have many feelings when I go and see the wizened up old lady.
82 and with 'new friends' is definitely a worry. Im guessing no obvious dementia that can mean her funds are controlled.
Lets hope she doesnt come crawling to you when her bills are 3mths overdue and her friends disappear,
That must hurt badly.
Up in the middle of the night to pack and leave
It bothers me greatly to know what's ahead
The loss of control, freedom, enjoyment, privacy, dignity
Pie doesn't even make a dent in making it better
Well, that is exactly what I am anxious about: "Nothing".
I am anxious, it is just about nothing that is happening now.
So, Max Lucado wrote about it.
Some people have mentioned planning. I think it is key to relieving our fears. Maya Angelou said “Hoping for the best, prepared for the worst, and unsurprised by anything in between.”
Pain and disease can come at any age, though granted come more often as we age, Sig other's youngest son in his early 20s was hit in the head by a flying object and lives with 24/7 excruciating headaches for which no solution has been found. They were told he would not live beyond 40 due to the side effects of the strong meds he is on. He has over 10 years to go. He has already had a perforated bowel and nearly died. Compared to hm and other like him, I think I am doing OK.
Windy - yes, it sneaks up on you or may come very quickly in the form of a disease or CV event. Interesting about the laundry. I intend to keep mine in the basement for now so I have to walk the stairs. Stairs are still my friend though I am not denying that my knees feel the first steps in the morning. Re POA, you assign it to a trusted professional. Love the old age and treachery quote.
Doreen, I agree that modern medicine often prolongs dying and it is unfortunate. I also agree with getting your bucket list out and start doing it, rather than dwelling on what may happen to you. You don't need a terminal diagnosis to live your life. Hence my "on your mind is " living is the only thing you can't leave for later." Worry can become a habit and needs to be resisted.
I promise my children I will NOT do this to them. It is heartbreaking and financially devastating. I had to laugh at Ceecee's post when she mentioned the pillow and the pills. On a lighter side; my husband always tells me, "if I am drooling on myself just put a pillow over my face", my response "If I don't know who I am, just put that little pill in my drink". Then we shook hands. Honestly, if I do get to a point of no return, I want to go out with a bang. Do something crazy - like get on a hangglider and never return, or get that bucket list out and do it. Why not, better than wasting away in a nursing home.
Watching my parents go downhill the last few years taught me a lot. Mostly, how not to enter old age! So we've been getting our ducks in a row. (Mid 60s). I won't go into all the details as previous posters have made excellent points, but moving the laundry room to the first floor is my fav thing in the world now!
Two things worry me about getting old.
It's sooo damn sneaky. One day your hiking on the Appalachian trail and first thing ya know someone stuck you in a crappy nursing home and you cant remember your zip code. It comes on so slow. The house gets a little dirty then filthy. The furniture is disgusting but seems just fine to you. (My parents). How do you know when it's time to move to Oregon and drink the Koolaid? Usually you don't, and keep hanging on by virtue of habit and instinct till it's too late
And, for folks like us with no kids, who do you assign poa etc? Who do you trust to see your end of life wishes are carried out?
But just remember,
Old age and treachery will overcome youth and talent every time. (Not really relevant here but great philosophy I think)