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Your brother's attitude is Not Your Fault. You mother's need is Not Your Fault. You have nothing to feel bad about and certainly nothing to feel guilty about. It is what it is. Let the lawyer explain it to Brother. (And maybe he will take it more maturely than you expect. Little brother do grow up, you know!)
PaulaK, you make a very good point, and it is definitely something for all of us to be aware of. Since Prettymom has seen a lawyer, the ownership of the policy no doubt has been looked at. But your information is valuable for the rest of us!
Be sure, when you asked on an application whether your parent "has a life insurance policy," that you know who the owner of any such policy is ... the fact that a policy insures the life of your parent does not mean that your parent is the policy owner of record (though that is likely to be the case by default unless your parent deliberately set things up differently).
Ownership of a life insurance policy can be transferred (by the original owner), but I assume there are all the same penalty/lookback periods related to such a transfer as for other kinds of gifts, so this is probably useless information for those of you with parents nearing the time of applying for Medicaid. Still, I mention it to those who are nowhere near that time, because it may be worth sitting down with a parent who is still healthy and talking about the best way to set up a policy in the first place (or to transfer an existing policy if the parent is amenable and the beneficiary is in a position to take over making the annual payments).
In my case, it's not a lot of money, but knowing that we'll get it back in the end will make it easier for my husband and me financially to "front" funds for whatever my Dad needs above and beyond what Medicaid supplies if/when the time comes that he has to apply.
It would be nice if he were more understanding and listen to you, but it sounds like you need the backup of an attorney.
Take care,
Carol