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Like Pumpkin, we tell her 'maybe when you're stronger' or 'when this new medicine kicks in', etc. It seems to work for now. The slightest upset sends her mental state downhill, so in her case, the stringing along is probably the kindest thing to do at the moment. Very hard, I feel for you.
For your own sake you want to lie outright as little as possible -- lying is hard and confusing and painful and saps your energy. So Lizbeth's way of saying things are that all true is helpful.
Now, here's something that's true: you don't actually know the future either. Maybe he'll go home in the end. Maybe your mom will join him. Maybe you'll figure out something you haven't figured out yet. You know more than he does, and you think you know what's going to happen, so there's some decisions being made and thus some "news" to consider telling or not telling. But there's no need for any one of us to act like we have a crystal ball and we just plain don't have one anyway. So this is what's actually TRUE: "I don't really know how this is going to play out, Dad, we've got to take this a little bit at a time. I know the way things are isn't what you'd like -- there's a lot about this that we all wish were different! For now, you and Mom are both best off if you're here. We're trying to get each of you the best care we can."
I brought my father home from his second rehab because they said he was nursing home material. I knew he didn't want to be there and mentally it would have depressed him. He came home and lived another 3.5 yrs. Of course, it took lots of money, work and having a trained "exercise lady" who had experience with the elderly above the age of 85. But they can improve slowly with proper combinations of rest and exercise.
Nursing homes may be needed but let's face it the majority are not good for the elderly person's mental health. My father's mind remained sharp to the end.
Elizabeth
Ask yourself this question.........is dad living life or just existing in this life? Death is part of life on this side and we must understand we are not meant to just exist, but to live. If he is not going to get better, don't prolong his suffering, but tell the truth.