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And you need to be very sure that you want this move. Believe me it is not only a BIG change for your dad but also a LIFE change for you.
How bad is your dad's mind. Is he a danger to himself and others. If he is not too bad yet you might want to take it real easy. Can you hire an agency to check on him each day? Does he qualify for Meals on Wheels? Is he a veteran? Is he on medicare? Look into Power of Attorney for health and finances. Talk to his doctor and make an appointment so you and your dad can attend together. If he is beginning Alzheimer's he might still have some reasoning power's left. i feel for you because i have been there. My dad lives with me and he has Alzheimer's.
Have you studied up on this disease? There is so much to learn, and it can be a long, long road. Local libraries carry lots of books on this subject, and your local Alzheimer's Association as well. Though it is different for everyone. They often need 24 hour care. This can be very difficult for one person, and can be draining emotionally.
You are brave to consider it, and compassionate to offer assistance. Count the costs, then count them again. Get wise counsel before you move him anywhere. What does he say? It's a terrifying scenario for some. There's lots of threads on this subject, such as: "Regret," "Don't Want Mom to Live With Me Anymore," etc.
How to convince him to move in with you? Depends on many factors. But if he is struggling with communication, remember, it's hard to reason when reason starts to slip. Sometimes you need to trust your instincts, and prayer helps. Take care.
Carol
I would not want to move in with my child/children so why should he? For YOUR convenience?
If, however, things should get worse. Dementia has a way of increasing itself, and if he cannot, and I mean CANNOT eat, bathe, walk or go potty by himself, then ANOTHER decision can be made, but not until then.
Of course, if there is no dementia, that is different. I totally agree that elders have a right to make decisions, even if we don't think they are doing what is best for them, but dementia can change the picture very much.
Carol
Carol
Carol
Carol
Carol
It is always wonderful when a parent can state their wished, and plan for the future, but this is not always the case. Often, judgement is one of the first things to go, then memory. Without these, victims of this disease falter, and often need assistance from other in matters of important decision-making. To allow one their "rights," and just "let them do what they want," can often have disastrous results. Many family members step in out of concern for their loved one, and try to do what is best for them. Just letting things go may sometimes be considered neglect. It is a fine, and delicate line. Most often, it is very difficult for all concerned. Safety and well being for the individual are important considerations. Love should be the dominating factor, as well as a sensitivity for all.
Everyone views things from their own perspective based on their own history of events. I like to see the discussions on here offer lots of views. I don't like to see judgment, but it will happen. Most often people word things badly and it sounds worse than they mean it. But, either way, opinions are what make a discussion.
You'll never really know how much your courage helped other people, but I know your sharing it did. I'm so thrilled you had such a sweet ending with your dad. That really shows that, through all of your agony, you did what was right for him. Your note made me smile.
Carol
Zacher
My dad is doing better, in some respects, with routine, and proper care. Too much stimulation can backfire for those with Alzheimer's, so it may just be a matter of semantics. Perhaps channeling is a good term. Experts can direct and redirect, as necessary, suited to his particular needs. Many hands make light work. Each has differing talents and gifts, and a team approach can benefit everyone. My dad has a better quality of life where he resides, and more peacful surroundings than he had at home. But his disease is progressing to the point that he is losing many valuable skills and abilities. It's a terrible disease to have to contend with. Just know you are a blessing to your dad to look after his well being. Take care.
Once you take on an Alzheimers sufferer - you will have no life of your own. You will have to tolerate changes in behaviour - violent outbursts - incontinence etc etc. Voice of experience here.
I do feel for you but please please think about it before you make the decision.