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If I met her would I find a lady, mostly polite with staff. Moods varying between acceptance, sullen, angry at being 'locked up'?
Varying between grateful to see her daughter, emotional & teary, fearful of the future sometimes, then angry at her daughter for 'putting her in an asylum".
This is an actual lady I met this week. Her daughters were hugged, snarled at, kissed & sworn at.
That lady's mood swings went from such anger, ready to throw her breakfast at the next person who suggested eating to gazing wonderously at the passing clouds out the window & their beauty. It was believed she had been suffering small strokes & this could be called *emotional lability*.
This is more emotional mood swings but I believe cognition & memory can swing around too, depending on what brain connections are working.
I picture a brain with faulty wiring & the lights flashing on & off.
I believe that our parents know exactly how to make us crazy and they never lose that ability or desire until they are far into dementia, if even then.
It is totally up to you how much time and head space you give her. You know that she is being taken care of, so you don't have to visit her frequently. I would start cutting back on visits if she is being difficult with you. You deserve to have some peace and rest, if she is robbing you of these things it is time for a reset.
You may also want to better educate yourself as well. Like mentioned below, Teepa Snow has some great videos on YouTube about Alzheimer's/dementia, and the book The 36 Hour Day is a great resource as well. Once you have a better understanding of the disease your mom is suffering from, it will help you better deal with her on a daily basis, and hopefully reduce your stress as well. Wishing you the best.
They become like small children. Intentional, I don't think so. Its whatever is fluttering thru their mind at the time. They have lost their filter. They no longer have empathy. They have no idea that they have hurt your feelings. You have to learn to let it run off your back. I know, it hurts, but this is a broken mind. A dying mind.
You do not have to visit every day. When you do, you don't have to stay more than a half hour or hour. At Moms NH I stayed a little longer because a woman I knew was sitting with her husband all day. So we would sit and talk with Mom and the husband nearby. He had a stroke and was non-verbal. Your Mom is safe and cared for. Take advantage of the time you have to yourself.
I was a little OCD when it came to Mom. My brother said I was my own worst enemy.
How often do you see her? Are you satisfied with her staff? Tell us a bit more please.
Others will offer suggestions regarding their experiences with dementia. My mom recently died with end stage Parkinson’s disease. She only had slight dementia towards the end of her life.
Her abilities and her mood might well rocket around all over the place. We have one client currently, a lady I remembered from over a year ago when she was last with our service, and at the tea call (early evening) she not only seemed fine but she accurately remembered *me* - probably from my voice, because I'm "not from round here" and sound very different from my colleagues. She came into the kitchen, engaged efficiently in preparing her own meal, showed me where everything was, I really didn't see that there'd been much change in her condition. When I went back 3 or 4 hours later to help her get ready for bed... oh brother. Different story. Completely barking, and quite hostile with it until I succeeded in reassuring and reorienting her - which took nearly two hours and included calling her daughter on my cellphone and asking her to telephone her mother to clarify the short term plans for that week. Once she'd had a snack, and a chat with daughter, and we'd sat quietly for a bit, she was then able to come upstairs, go to the loo, clean her teeth, get changed and get into bed.
My personal theory is that *in addition* to dementia there is also a big effect from dropping energy levels and rising fatigue. People seem to do better if routines are kept short and sweet, and they rest properly at intervals throughout the day. If your mother plays you up more, that could well be because you are more familiar and more trustworthy to her and she's leaning on you to sort out the muddle that's going on in her head.
Keep your visits short, and time them for when her physical "batteries" are likely to be fully charged. If you feel she's "pulling your chain" you need to give her a kiss and leave for a prior engagement as soon as possible - because in that case you're probably not the only one who's stressed. I hope the CNAs are backing off and not forcing her through tasks when this happens?