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Caringformom123, best of luck to you. 🩷
Another thing to consider is the strange thing about dementia - not everyone will witness signs. There is a phenomenon about this disease that some call show-boating. The person can be around the primary caregiver all day and exhibit all kinds of strange behavior, loss of thought, loss of memory, etc. Caregiver tells other what they are seeing. Yet, lo and behold, let a visitor show up and they can remember everything very vividly. What the caregiver reported to others appears to be not true.
To me, it is like a little spark that's left deep inside somewhere can suddenly be ignited due to the visit of someone not regularly in their surroundings. The brain is awakened. A little lighter fluid tossed on the wick, so to speak.
Everyone will deal with finality of a loved one's life differently. If they don't see the signs, or even blind them selves to the signs, it's not really that important to you unless you are trying to get more help from them. Or if you're trying to get mom placed in facility care for her safety. If either of those are the problem, try to get them to come and spend some time with mom while you will be 'away'. Needs to be a couple weeks at a time so that mom settles in with the new visitors and perhaps some of the new found flames dim a little so they can see her on a regular day to day basis.
My cousin kept saying we had to get her to a neurologist to get her diagnosed. I agreed. However, I noticed the more I was coming and attending to aunt, all the sudden, cousin believed aunt was fine and a diagnosis was not needed. Since I've been out of the picture, I still do not believe aunt has been to a neurologist. Family living nearby are in denial. Serious denial. I don't live near them, but the few visits I've made told me enough that aunt does indeed have dementia. But every time I speak with family, "She's doing great. She's coming along". I do not believe it. However, no one can get aunt to a neurologist to be diagnosed. Others are in denial, but I am not.
Who is functioning for mom, medically, if anyone?
If not it is time for the next of kin, the child closest to mom to go with her for assessment.
You might also call your mom's doctor. Let him or her know your suspicions and why, and ask that she be assessed on her annual physical. They cannot discuss her medically with you unless you are MPOA or POA, but they CAN be forewarned and have a chart notation.
You give us little here to go on. Without knowing about your mom and why you suspect this, about her current living conditions (and with whom) and about what you are SPECIFICALLY seeing that concerns you, that's about all I can contribute. But do know, whatEVER the case may be, you can't convince you siblings of ANYTHING. In fact, we can almost never convince anyone of anything.
My moms younger siblings kept saying mom was fine. She was not fine. It really angered me in the beginning because it was as though they were not believing me. What possible benefit would there be for me to make that up.
I finally got to a place where I thought... it doesn't matter what they choose to believe because one way or the other, it doesn't change moms outcome. Maybe they are weak minded and can't handle the truth. Some people live their entire lives with their head in the sand. If that helps them sleep at night, so be it, but I still have to take care of her regardless.
Get her tested and do whatever you need to do. Don't expect a lot of help from your siblings who think she is fine.
It will be noticeable late in the afternoon early evening. Its called "sundowning". IMO it shows up then because the brain is tired so harder to hide it. Some people are aware something is wrong so they are able to "showtime". You deal by watching out for her. There will come a time when others will see it.
Sorry to write this but your siblings might prefer to not confront this inconvenient truth and put this all on you.
In the beginning, other family members were in denial of her diagnosis and refused to believe me until they scheduled an appointment with her doctor and he verified in her presence that she did indeed have dementia.
I recommend that if you haven't already done so, that you do some research on dementia so that you are more familiar with the symptoms in the beginning stages. Then if you still believe that your mother may have dementia, have an open and honest discussion with her and express your concern. Explain to her that while certain things are common as we age, they aren't necessarily normal. Ask her to agree to an appointment with a neurologist and to give her approval for you to be present so that between the two of you, you may remember everything the doctor had to say and be sure to take notes. Doctors often prefer that a family member be present in the case of patients with possible cognitive problems. Also have your mother agree to have her doctor discuss her status with you in the future should any questions arise. Some simple testing in the doctor's office can help to determine your mother's degree of cognitive decline if any. If it is determined that she has dementia you will have a medical record as proof for your siblings.
While dementia can not be cured yet, there is treatment which can serve to slow the progression of the disease and the sooner it is started the better the outcome.
Good luck to you, your mother, and your siblings in regard to this issue. I wish you all the very best on this journey.
If the diagnosis is unfortunately positive, please remember above all else that tolerance, patience, and love are the best things you can give your dear mother.
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