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I wouldn't remind him. Remember that he would congratulate you if he did remember and that it's not because he doesn't love you. I no longer remind my mother that it's my birthday and that's okay.
If later he said to me "OMG I FORGOT your BD!!!!" I would just laugh and say "Thank goodness! Means I am still only 81, and don't have to think about 82 until next year".
Same with anniversary. We used to go out to a nice restaurant for dinner but not the last few years, especially during and since COVID.
I hope you have a Happy Birthday!!!
When my late husband(who had vascular dementia)was still mobile, he would want me to take him to Walmart so he could pick out cards for me for my birthday(I would remind him ahead of time as I actually like my birthday) Valentine's and the like. And the last birthday that he was able to go, he picked out a beautiful card that he was excited to give me, and because it was for my birthday I didn't look at it until my birthday even though I was the one to pay for it.
And when I opened it on my birthday, the heading across the top of the card said Happy Birthday To My Very Special Mother. Of course I never told him exactly what it said and I just thanked him for such a beautiful card.
You should not have to ask your son to buy a card for his dad to give to you, he should get one for dad while he is getting one for himself to give to you.
(Hopefully your son remembers it is your birthday)
(light hearted here,,,save yourself some money, go read a card to yourself then put it back on the rack)
Make a cake, or buy one. Have it decorated. Have cake for dessert.
What I found caring for my Husband with dementia is that A DAY IS A DAY.
There are no holidays when you are a primary caregiver. There are no birthdays for you or your LO because those are just another day. You get up in the morning EVERYDAY and do the same thing, you do the same thing morning, noon and night.
(and if you can buy a card for your husband to give to you...you are better off than I was. Since I was my Husbands Guardian I could make NO purchases "from him" to gift to me for Christmas, Birthdays, Anniversary etc. as the court needed an accounting and receipts for each purchase.)
For heavens sakes, let it go.
It would have been a good idea for your son to take your husband out the day of your birthday to help him pick out a gift. But sometimes I think it doesn't help them at all if they don't remember.
You think ahead as do I.
The majority of men I know do not think that far ahead even if they remember a birthday .
If he mentions he didn’t get a card , tell him you both agreed no cards , too expensive.
BTW in my grocery store there were loads of Valentines Day cards leftover . But the flower section was empty the day after . I think alot of people are bypassing cards due to the prices .
Set a nice table with the flowers , cake , some nice music and enjoy it together .
Happy Birthday ! 🎂💐
You can share your birthday cake (get it yourself) with your husband.
It is too confusing for anyone to be manipulated, whether they have dementia or not. And bringing your son into this to honor yourself on your birthday is way too much drama.
Happy Birthday Cheeky!
Song by Miley Cyrus, excerpt
I can buy myself flowers (oh)
Write my name in the sand (mm)
Talk to myself for hours (yeah)
Say things you don't understand (you never will)
I can take myself dancing, yeah
I can hold my own hand
Yeah, I can love me better than you can